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    Ired By Shire Attire

    , | Montreal, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

    Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “He played in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

    Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

    Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

    As Shameless As She Is Shirtless

    , | Sliema, Malta | Top

    (I’m second in line to use a dressing room. In front of me is an impatient lady.)

    Customer: “When will I get to use the dressing rooms?”

    Attendant: “Very soon, madam. You’re next in line, so it should be any minute now.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been here ten minutes already!”

    Attendant: “Have some patience, madam. One of the rooms should be free any moment now.”

    (Suddenly, the customer starts to undress right in front of everyone.)

    Attendant: “Madam! Please wait for one of the dressing rooms to be free before you remove any more clothing!”

    (The customer stops, but not before removing her shirt and exposing her bra.)

    Customer: “FINE!”

    (Another customer walks out and the shirtless customer finally walks into a dressing room.)

    Attendant, to me: “Wow… just in time. I didn’t need to see any more of that!”

    (As if on cue, the impatient customer comes back out, but this time she’s completely topless.)

    Topless customer, to attendant: “Here, take this shirt back. It’s too revealing!”

    Teaching The Next Generation

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Top

    (I’m folding clothes when a young girl of about six comes up to me. Her mom is in a nearby fitting room trying clothes on.)

    Girl: “Why do you have to fold those shirts?”

    Me: “Well, they have to look neat on the tables, so I need to fold them.”

    Girl: “So whenever someone looks at a shirt, you have to refold it?”

    Me: “If it gets unfolded, yes.”

    (Just then another customer walks up to the table and proceeds to unfold the top shirt from the pile, look at it, and throw it back down on top of the pile.)

    Girl: “That must get really annoying.”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    As The Checkout Line Churns

    , | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

    (I’m ringing up a customer and notice her last name is the same as mine. I have a very uncommon last name, so I made the mistake of mentioning this…)

    Me: “Your last name is [name]? Mine, too. Wonder if we’re related?” *chuckle*

    Customer: *very serious* “What is your name?”

    Me: “Oh, I was joking, we’re not related; almost all of my family lives up in New England.”

    Customer: *more serious* “What is your name?”

    Me: “Uhhh…I’m no–”

    Customer: “Do you have a brother named [brother's name]?”

    Me: “Yes, actually…”

    Customer: “Is your mother [mom's name]?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah…”

    Customer: “And your father’s name is [my estranged father's name]?”

    Me: “Well, he’s my biological father, yes.”

    Customer: *sticks out hand* “Nice to meet you, I’m your step-mother!”

    (The entire line of about a dozen people behind her gasps, like they were watching a soap opera.)

    Me: “Oh, God…please don’t tell my father I work here.”

    Customer: “You know why your father left your mother, right?”

    Me: “Uh…no?”

    Customer: “Because she cheated on him with [my stepfather]!”

    (The line behind her gasps again.)

    Me: “Oh, okay…”

    Customer: “You know, your father is very heartbroken about you. You’ve grown up to be such a beautiful young woman. You should call him and talk to him just so he can see how you’re doing.”

    Me: “Actually, we don’t–”

    Customer: “You and I need to go out for coffee sometime. I have a lot of stories to tell you.”

    Me: “Okay, well–”

    Customer: “I promise, I’m not an evil stepmother. Well, I’ll see you later, sweetie!” *bounces out the front door*

    Me: *speechless*

    Next customer: “Sweetie, are you okay?”

    Me: *still speechless*

    Next customer: “Why don’t you take a break? We don’t mind waiting.”

    Entire line: “No! Go take a break!”

    Me, to my boss: “Hey, I’m taking a break. I’ll be back in–”

    Boss: “For God’s sake, go home! I’ll see you on Monday.”

    The Next Bachelorette

    | New York NY, USA |

    (An elderly lady walks into a clothes store. She is wearing an exceedingly bright hat with a large, floppy flower on it. She obviously likes the hat very much because she looks at herself in every mirror she walks by.)

    Employee: “You sure look spiffy today, ma’am!”

    Elderly lady: “Young man, I look spiffy EVERY day!”

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