Think On Your Feet

| Brighton, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to customer services.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these shoes.”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I wait expectantly, but the customer does nothing.)

Me: “Where are they?”

Customer: “I’m still wearing them.”

Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

(I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”

Making A Hug(e) Difference

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I’m having a very bad day, having dealt with a series of unpleasant customers. I have a half-hearted smile on my face, when a six year old boy walks in. He stares at me for a second, then gives me a hug.)

Me: “Thanks, but where is your mommy?”

Boy: “She’ll be here soon.”

Me: “She might not want you hugging random strangers.”

(He shakes his head.)

Boy: “Mommy says retail people need more hugs. You looked like you needed one.”

Now That Is A Wonder Bra

, | Brighton, UK | Uncategorized

(The ‘invisible bras’ we advertise talk about the see-through straps.)

Customer: “I thought this was an invisible bra, but I can see it!”

(She is pointing angrily at the black bra under her thin white top.)

Me: *playing along* “No, miss. The invisible bras were the ones next to those ones. I don’t know how you didn’t see them.”

Discounted Intelligence

| North Bay, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, and you?”

Me: “Also fine, thanks for asking! Just to let you know everything in the store today is 40% off.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “I….I don’t know how else to explain that to you.”

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