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    Truly Fake Intentions

    , | Waterford, MI, USA |

    (A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”

    Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

    Customer: “No, I want that one!”

    Me: “Okay, sir.”

    (I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

    Customer: “Where are you going?”

    Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

    Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”

    Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

    (His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

    Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

    Gastronomically Priced Apparel

    , | Columbia, MD, USA |

    (While working at a well-known clothing store, a customer walks up to my cash register empty handed.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been in here for fifteen minutes and nobody gave me a table yet.”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes and nobody sat me down.”

    Me: “We have a couch over by the fitting rooms if you’d like to have a seat.”

    Customer: “You don’t have any tables? What about booths?”

    Me: “Um…we don’t have anything like that here.”

    Customer: “Is this a new type of restaurant or something?”

    Me: “No, this is a clothing store; we sell clothes. That’s why we have lots of clothing here and no kitchen.”

    Customer: “Oh…why didn’t anybody tell me?”

    Me: “Did you ask someone?”

    Customer: “No!” *storms out of the store*

    Can’t Take A Hint (Or A Leak)

    | Westbrook, CT, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, the bathroom door is locked and I can’t get it open. Do you have the key?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. If the door is locked, that means someone is using it.”

    Customer: “Is there a way to make sure?”

    Me: “Did you knock?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and whoever is in there keeps yelling at me that they’ll be right out!”

    Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

    Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

    Customer: “No, she’s one.”

    Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

    Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

    Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

    Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

    (I go and get my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

    Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

    Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2

    | Kent, United Kingdom |

    (A 60-year old customer with a hefty beer gut comes into our clothing store. Note that I am an 18 year old girl.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, I’m looking for speedos?”

    Me: “Oh right. Well, if you go to the front of the store and turn to your left, there are a few of them on a stand there.”

    (The customer continues to stand there staring at me.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “Would you like to see me try the speedos on?”

    Me: *horrified look*

    Customer: “Just checking.”

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay


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