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    Can’t Take A Hint (Or A Leak)

    | Westbrook, CT, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, the bathroom door is locked and I can’t get it open. Do you have the key?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. If the door is locked, that means someone is using it.”

    Customer: “Is there a way to make sure?”

    Me: “Did you knock?”

    Customer: “Yeah, and whoever is in there keeps yelling at me that they’ll be right out!”

    Equivalence, Meet Ignorance

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for an outfit for a one year old girl.”

    Me: “Sure, all of the twelve month clothing is in this section.”

    Customer: “No, she’s one.”

    Me: “Right, so that would be over here.”

    Customer: “You just said that was twelve months!”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: *slowly* “I’m looking for ONE YEAR.”

    Me: “Would you like to go up one size to 18 months?”

    Customer: “Is there someone else who can help me?”

    (I go and get my manager.)

    Manager: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Your employee doesn’t understand English. I’m looking for clothing for my one year old granddaughter.”

    Manager: “The twelve month clothes are over here.”

    Customer: “What is WRONG with you people?”

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2

    | Kent, United Kingdom |

    (A 60-year old customer with a hefty beer gut comes into our clothing store. Note that I am an 18 year old girl.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, I’m looking for speedos?”

    Me: “Oh right. Well, if you go to the front of the store and turn to your left, there are a few of them on a stand there.”

    (The customer continues to stand there staring at me.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “Would you like to see me try the speedos on?”

    Me: *horrified look*

    Customer: “Just checking.”

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    No Longer A Custo-Mary Holiday

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (I am on the sales floor and there is a woman shopping with her little daughter. The daughter noticed a red and white sweater.)

    Daughter: “Look Mom, doesn’t this look like something Santa Claus would wear?”

    Mother: “Santa Claus? Who’s that? Santa Claus is a fictional man they made up to take the place of Jesus.”

    Ired By Shire Attire

    , | Montreal, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

    Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

    Customer: “Who is that?”

    Me: “He played in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

    Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

    Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”


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