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    Some Customers Leave Big Shoes To Fill

    , | Harrisburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (While standing in line as a customer, I notice a father and his two children in front of me. The son, about age 8, is sporting a
    Mohawk about as tall is he is. He looks positively adorable and when he turns and smiles at me, I return the smile.)

    Boy: *tugging on his fathers coat* “Daddy, don’t flash all that money in your wallet! That b**** will take it! You always say how b****es are after your money!”

    (The father laughs and agrees until he notices that his son’s free hand is pointing directly at me. The daughter, about age 12, slaps him on the back of the head.)

    Daughter: “Shut up, dumb ***! That b**** don’t want dad’s money!”

    (The father starts to feel uncomfortable with so many people staring. Not wanting to reprimand their behavior but still wanting to make some parental effort, he starts lecturing his son about how his shoes are dirty. Another customer behind me comes to my rescue.)

    Another customer: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dirt coming out of the other end of them!”

    (The father falls silent, the children stop calling me a b****, and I get one of my blouses for free.)

    Time Waits For Slow Man

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer walks right before closing at which point I ask him if there’s anything I can help him find. When he says there isn’t, I politely let him know the store will be closing at in about 8 minutes. After spending 25 minutes in a dressing room, he puts his clothes on the counter and starts to look at the watches.)

    Customer: “I left my glasses at home. What’s this watch say on the face?”

    Me: “It says we closed twenty minutes ago and I’m ready to leave.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Lack Of Support Is A Hot Topic

    , | United Kingdom | Health & Body, Top

    (It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A fairly large lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)

    Customer: “Warm today!”

    Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”

    Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”

    (Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)

    Customer: “See?!”

    Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”

    (My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)

    Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”

    When Sizes Are XXX

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

    Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

    Stereo-Griping

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Top

    (While stocking items on the shelf I notice a guy sitting by the changing rooms with the bored, “being forced to go shopping with the missus” look on his face.)

    Me: “Girlfriend making you comment on everything in the store?”

    Guy: “Me? No. I’m gay. My friend only just found out and figured we could go shopping together despite my protests.”

    Me: “Sorry bout the mistake, you just had the usual ‘get me out of here’ look.”

    (At this point the girl comes out of the changing room to show off her outfit.)

    Girl: “What do you think?”

    Guy: “I don’t know. It’s good, I guess.”

    Girl: *in a huff* “You’re no good at this! What’s the point in being gay if you don’t like shopping for clothes?!”

    (She storms back into the changing room.)

    Guy: “Jeez, this is worse than having to come out to my parents.”

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