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    Spewing Obnoxious Gases

    | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    (I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

    Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

    (I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “A bag it is.”

    Behaving With Dis-Stain

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (When clothing comes out of the packaging, we steam it to remove the wrinkles before we put it on the sales floor. A customer picks up a shirt that I have just finished steaming.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you know what this stain is? Will it come out in the wash?”

    Me: “It’s water, from the steamer. Just give it a few minutes to dry, and the stain will be gone.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a few minutes. If I take it home and wash it, can I return it if the stain doesn’t come out?”

    Me: “No ma’am. Once the article has been washed we can no longer return it. It’s just water, I can assure you.”

    Customer: “Well, then can you wash it here?”

    (I go and soak it in the sink in our stock room, and hand the sopping wet shirt to the client.)

    Customer: “I asked you to wash it! Instead you just made the stain bigger!”

    Not So Pretty In Pink

    | New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer is trying on a black and white top by a well known designer and it fits her very well. Her daughter is with her.)

    Customer: “I just wish this wasn’t black and white. I want something brighter.”

    Me: “Well, we do have a dress by the same designer which has the same silhouette in pink. I think it would look good with your complexion and hair color.”

    Customer: “No thanks. My daughter doesn’t think I look good in pink so I’m going to have to listen to her on this.”

    (The customer’s five-year old daughter solemnly nods with approval.)

    Fat Chance Of A Reasonable Customer

    | Glendale, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for pants for my daughter.”

    Me: “Okay, what size is your daughter?”

    Customer: “She’s fat like you.”

    Me: “Okay, so I’m a medium. Does your daughter wear mediums?”

    Customer: “No. She’s fat like you. She needs fat pants.”

    Me: “So would a large be okay?”

    Customer: “Fat pants. Large is too small.”

    Me: “Large is the biggest size we have.”

    Customer: “Give me your pants then.”

    Howard Hughes Goes Shopping, Part 2

    | Clovis, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to know if these clothes will fit.”

    Me: “Sure, our fitting room is right over there.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to try them on. I want to know if they will fit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unless you try them on, I can’t say if they will fit or not.”

    Customer: “I do not try on clothes in store because they have other people’s cells in them. I do not want to touch other people’s cells. My neighbor had diseases and I burned his house down, and the guy at the 7-11 is sick so I don’t go in there no more!”

    Related:
    Howard Hughes Goes Shopping

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