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    Time Waits For Slow Man

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer walks right before closing at which point I ask him if there’s anything I can help him find. When he says there isn’t, I politely let him know the store will be closing at in about 8 minutes. After spending 25 minutes in a dressing room, he puts his clothes on the counter and starts to look at the watches.)

    Customer: “I left my glasses at home. What’s this watch say on the face?”

    Me: “It says we closed twenty minutes ago and I’m ready to leave.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Lack Of Support Is A Hot Topic

    , | United Kingdom | Health & Body, Top

    (It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A fairly large lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)

    Customer: “Warm today!”

    Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”

    Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”

    (Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)

    Customer: “See?!”

    Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”

    (My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)

    Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”

    When Sizes Are XXX

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

    Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

    Stereo-Griping

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Top

    (While stocking items on the shelf I notice a guy sitting by the changing rooms with the bored, “being forced to go shopping with the missus” look on his face.)

    Me: “Girlfriend making you comment on everything in the store?”

    Guy: “Me? No. I’m gay. My friend only just found out and figured we could go shopping together despite my protests.”

    Me: “Sorry bout the mistake, you just had the usual ‘get me out of here’ look.”

    (At this point the girl comes out of the changing room to show off her outfit.)

    Girl: “What do you think?”

    Guy: “I don’t know. It’s good, I guess.”

    Girl: *in a huff* “You’re no good at this! What’s the point in being gay if you don’t like shopping for clothes?!”

    (She storms back into the changing room.)

    Guy: “Jeez, this is worse than having to come out to my parents.”

    Spewing Obnoxious Gases

    | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    (I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

    Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

    (I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “A bag it is.”


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