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    When Sizes Are XXX

    | Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am assisting a man holding a small and medium shirt.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m just thinking about S and M.”

    Me: “I’ll leave you to that, then.”

    Stereo-Griping

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Top

    (While stocking items on the shelf I notice a guy sitting by the changing rooms with the bored, “being forced to go shopping with the missus” look on his face.)

    Me: “Girlfriend making you comment on everything in the store?”

    Guy: “Me? No. I’m gay. My friend only just found out and figured we could go shopping together despite my protests.”

    Me: “Sorry bout the mistake, you just had the usual ‘get me out of here’ look.”

    (At this point the girl comes out of the changing room to show off her outfit.)

    Girl: “What do you think?”

    Guy: “I don’t know. It’s good, I guess.”

    Girl: *in a huff* “You’re no good at this! What’s the point in being gay if you don’t like shopping for clothes?!”

    (She storms back into the changing room.)

    Guy: “Jeez, this is worse than having to come out to my parents.”

    Spewing Obnoxious Gases

    | Sandy, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    (I’m putting an item in a customer’s plastic bag after ringing them out.)

    Customer #1: “Uhm… could you maybe use that bag for somebody who wants to kill the environment?”

    Me: “Yeah, I think I can.”

    (I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Me: “Do you want to kill the environment?”

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “A bag it is.”

    Behaving With Dis-Stain

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (When clothing comes out of the packaging, we steam it to remove the wrinkles before we put it on the sales floor. A customer picks up a shirt that I have just finished steaming.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you know what this stain is? Will it come out in the wash?”

    Me: “It’s water, from the steamer. Just give it a few minutes to dry, and the stain will be gone.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a few minutes. If I take it home and wash it, can I return it if the stain doesn’t come out?”

    Me: “No ma’am. Once the article has been washed we can no longer return it. It’s just water, I can assure you.”

    Customer: “Well, then can you wash it here?”

    (I go and soak it in the sink in our stock room, and hand the sopping wet shirt to the client.)

    Customer: “I asked you to wash it! Instead you just made the stain bigger!”

    Not So Pretty In Pink

    | New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids

    (A customer is trying on a black and white top by a well known designer and it fits her very well. Her daughter is with her.)

    Customer: “I just wish this wasn’t black and white. I want something brighter.”

    Me: “Well, we do have a dress by the same designer which has the same silhouette in pink. I think it would look good with your complexion and hair color.”

    Customer: “No thanks. My daughter doesn’t think I look good in pink so I’m going to have to listen to her on this.”

    (The customer’s five-year old daughter solemnly nods with approval.)


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