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    Stressing About The Blessing

    | Darlington, UK |

    (A customer sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you.”

    Customer: “You wouldn’t bless me if you knew what I’ve done.”

    Think On Your Feet

    | Brighton, UK |

    (A customer comes up to customer services.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these shoes.”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (I wait expectantly, but the customer does nothing.)

    Me: “Where are they?”

    Customer: “I’m still wearing them.”

    Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

    Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

    Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

    Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

    Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”

    Making A Hug(e) Difference

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m having a very bad day, having dealt with a series of unpleasant customers. I have a half-hearted smile on my face, when a six year old boy walks in. He stares at me for a second, then gives me a hug.)

    Me: “Thanks, but where is your mommy?”

    Boy: “She’ll be here soon.”

    Me: “She might not want you hugging random strangers.”

    (He shakes his head.)

    Boy: “Mommy says retail people need more hugs. You looked like you needed one.”

    Now That Is A Wonder Bra

    , | Brighton, UK |

    (The ‘invisible bras’ we advertise talk about the see-through straps.)

    Customer: “I thought this was an invisible bra, but I can see it!”

    (She is pointing angrily at the black bra under her thin white top.)

    Me: *playing along* “No, miss. The invisible bras were the ones next to those ones. I don’t know how you didn’t see them.”

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