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    Say No To Yes

    | NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hello.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Where do you have–wait, did you say ‘Yes’?”

    Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I said ‘Hello,’ and you said ‘Yes.’ Is that what just happened?”

    Me: “I believe so.”

    (She rolls her eyes and quickly walks out the store.)

    Misunderstanding ‘Friendly Service’

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Okay, your total will be $**.”

    Customer: *pays with card*

    Me: “May I see ID, please? Your card is not signed.”

    Customer: “No! That’s an invasion of privacy. I don’t want you to know my name and try to find me online.”

    Me: “It’s company policy. I’m on camera, and your name is on here anyway.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Fine! I don’t want any random friend requests!”

    Me: “I’ll fight the urge, I promise.”

    Some Customers Leave Big Shoes To Fill

    , | Harrisburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (While standing in line as a customer, I notice a father and his two children in front of me. The son, about age 8, is sporting a
    Mohawk about as tall is he is. He looks positively adorable and when he turns and smiles at me, I return the smile.)

    Boy: *tugging on his fathers coat* “Daddy, don’t flash all that money in your wallet! That b**** will take it! You always say how b****es are after your money!”

    (The father laughs and agrees until he notices that his son’s free hand is pointing directly at me. The daughter, about age 12, slaps him on the back of the head.)

    Daughter: “Shut up, dumb ***! That b**** don’t want dad’s money!”

    (The father starts to feel uncomfortable with so many people staring. Not wanting to reprimand their behavior but still wanting to make some parental effort, he starts lecturing his son about how his shoes are dirty. Another customer behind me comes to my rescue.)

    Another customer: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dirt coming out of the other end of them!”

    (The father falls silent, the children stop calling me a b****, and I get one of my blouses for free.)

    Time Waits For Slow Man

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer walks right before closing at which point I ask him if there’s anything I can help him find. When he says there isn’t, I politely let him know the store will be closing at in about 8 minutes. After spending 25 minutes in a dressing room, he puts his clothes on the counter and starts to look at the watches.)

    Customer: “I left my glasses at home. What’s this watch say on the face?”

    Me: “It says we closed twenty minutes ago and I’m ready to leave.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Lack Of Support Is A Hot Topic

    , | United Kingdom | Health & Body, Top

    (It’s about 32C (89F) outside, so pretty hot. A fairly large lady comes into the shop wearing an enormous, thick fleece sweater and comes up to a colleague and myself at the desk.)

    Customer: “Warm today!”

    Me: “Certainly is! Can we help you?”

    Customer: “I need an outfit for a wedding. But now I’m here I think I’m too hot to try on clothes. Here, feel how hot I am!”

    (Before I can stop her, she grabs my hand from the desk and wipes it across her very, very sweaty forehead. I’m speechless.)

    Customer: “See?!”

    Me: *trying to discreetly wipe my hand on my leg* “Yes, you’re clearly very hot indeed. Maybe you could find some clothes and try them at home? You can return them, that’s no problem.”

    Customer: “Oh, I may as well now I’m here. I could also do with being measured for a new bra. Have you got any fitters in today?”

    (My colleague, who is the store’s lingerie specialist, suddenly goes wide-eyed and jumps in immediately.)

    Colleague: “I… No. No, we do not! Not today.”


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