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    The Mindreader’s Burden

    | Elizabeth, NJ, USA |

    (I am helping a man and his 9 year old daughter.)

    Customer: “So, how long do I have to return this?”

    Me: “You have 45 days sir. The date is on the bottom of the receipt. Here, it says October 19th is the last day for returns. Today is September 4th.”

    Customer: “October 19th? So I only have a week to return this?”

    Me: “Um–”

    Daughter: “Dad, stop thinking out loud. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

    Non Sequitur

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    Me: “Go down this aisle and turn left. It’ll be right there.

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Down this aisle, to the left.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Let me show you.”

    (I walk her over to about five feet from the escalator and point at it.)

    Me: “It’s right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    (I move to stand almost on it.)

    Me: “Right here.”

    Customer: “This is the escalator?”

    Me: “Yes”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! You are so pretty.”

    Some Days Just Aren’t Worthy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store] uniforms. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I have a couple of questions. First off, do you guys sell uniforms?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Okay, great, now my second question is, are you guys open?”

    Me: “Yes, we are open all week.”

    Caller: “So, you’re closed on Sundays?”

    Me: “No, we are open all 7 days.”

    Caller: “But you just said you’re open all week.”

    Me: “Yes, hence the seven days.”

    Caller: “Hey, don’t get smart with me! There are only 5 days in the week and 2 days in the weekend!”

    Me: *confused* “No, there are 7 days in a week and we are open all seven days.”

    Caller: “I want to speak to your manager now!”

    Me: “Okay, please hold and I’ll transfer you.”

    Manager: “Hello, [manager] speaking, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you people just hire the most stupid people on the planet?”

    Stressing About The Blessing

    | Darlington, UK |

    (A customer sneezes.)

    Me: “Bless you.”

    Customer: “You wouldn’t bless me if you knew what I’ve done.”

    Think On Your Feet

    | Brighton, UK |

    (A customer comes up to customer services.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these shoes.”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (I wait expectantly, but the customer does nothing.)

    Me: “Where are they?”

    Customer: “I’m still wearing them.”

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