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    I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a popular clothing store chain. I notice a woman browsing so I approach her.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find anything?”

    Her: “Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I’m sure I can flag down a staff member soon.”

    Me: “I am a staff member.”

    (She looks at me, somewhat shocked.)

    Her: “You?! You don’t look like you work here at all!”

    (I laughed and showed her my store ID. She blushed and apologised profusely. This actually happened on numerous occasions over the time I worked there. Every staff member looked quite similar: bleached blonde hair, long fake nails, tight, revealing clothing, and sandals or heels. Then there was me: naturally dark blonde, wearing the most subtle and body covering clothing the store carried, and sneakers. It was no wonder!)

    Having A Boo Hoo About Your Hoo Hoo’s

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (My school happens to have a similar uniform code as the store I’m walking into. Due to the fact today is hot I take off my shirt, revealing a tight and slightly revealing tank top which matches the uniform the store employees wear. I’ve also been blessed with looking older than I actually am, along with having bigger breasts and curves even though I’m younger than I look. I’m with a group of friends until I wander off to look for school materials — the reason we’re all here anyway — until this lady comes over.)

    Lady: “Your uniform attire is inappropriate.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “Exposing those poor young girls into thinking they have to follow the motto ‘sex sells.’ I demand to see your manager.”

    Me: “But I don’t work here.”

    Lady: “Then why are you wearing the same colors as he is?”

    (A passing employee walks down the aisles.)

    Me: “I go to [High School]. We have the same colors except our shirts are black. I just chose to wear a red tank top today.”

    Lady: “I don’t want to hear your lies. I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “But I don’t work here!”

    (The lady storms off and I don’t think anything of it until she comes with the manager.)

    Lady: “Her uniform is unacceptable! This is a family place and she’s showing her hoo hoos off with that string tank top! These girls do not need to be influenced by your employees’ need for sexual attention!”

    (Needless to say I was ‘fired’ from somewhere I didn’t work and could pick up my check by the end of the week!)

    Look Out For The Always Looking, Part 2

    | UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (We close early at 5 on Sundays, which usually throws some customers who assume we are open until our regular time. Most customers get the hint when the lights automatically dim at closing and the music is turned off. Sometimes, however, customers still don’t get the hint. A couple and their young daughter walk in at 4:55 and begin shopping around. By 5:20, they are the only ones left in the store and seem to have no idea that we’re closed. I decide to go up to them to see if they need any help.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you guys find anything today?”

    Customer: “Nope, we’re finding everything all right, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay, great! Just so you know, we are closing soon, so just let me know if I can help you find anything.”

    Customer: *brushing me away* “Uh-huh, thanks.”

    (About 15 more minutes pass. The store is recovered immaculately and the closing team is literally just waiting for these customers to check out so we can close the last register and go home. I decide to try one more time.)

    Me: “Are you three still doing all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we’re doing fine. Just looking around still!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (At this point, the family begins to head to the dressing room to try clothes on. I’m beginning to get pretty annoyed and impatient, so I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “[Coworker], what time is it?”

    Coworker: “It’s 5:40.”

    Me: *sighing* “Guess we’re not going home any time soon.”

    Customer: *turns around cheerfully surprised* “Oh! By the way, what time do you guys close?”

    Coworker: “We actually closed at five.”

    Customer: “Oh, silly me! We’ll get going now.”

    (The family ended up using a rewards points coupon which covered pretty much their whole purchase, meaning the store made no money off of them and there was no benefit to having them in the store so late.)

    You Haven’t Seen Anything Yette

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I help a mother find a dress for her daughter for a special occasion. It is really busy since it is prom season but we are able to find a dress. She is a bit demanding, but we try to accommodate as much as we can. Before deciding, we are talking about possibilities for alterations.)

    Customer: “So the dress will be finished by then, RIGHT?”

    Me: “Yes, I assure that it will all be fixed by then.”

    Customer: “It better be since I’m paying all of this money for one dress.”

    Me: “Well, if you prefer, there is another place that does alterations right around the corner. If you want, we can leave the dress on hold so you can check to see if their prices are within your price range.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to. It’s such a hassle.”

    Me: “All right, then.”

    (My coworker turns to me for help.)

    Coworker: “How do you spell ‘corset?’”

    Me: “C-O-R-S-E-T.”

    Customer: “…T-E! It is spelled; C-O-R-S-E-T-T-E.”

    Me: *sighs with an awkward smile*

    Renamed And Shamed

    | UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    (This takes place at our order collection till. The system is down and as such we can’t check whether customers’ orders are in or not. It’s also close to Christmas and we’re full of customers. A woman approaches my till.)

    Me: “…and what name—”

    Customer: *quotes her order number*

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, our system is down. Can I please have the name it’s under?”

    Customer: “[Customer].”

    Me: “And how many items is it?”

    Customer: *sighs* “Can’t you just check?”

    Me: “Sorry, like I said our system is down. How many items are you expecting?”

    Customer: “One.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ll go get it for you.”

    (I go into the stockroom and search under the initial of her last name. I can’t find any under her name. So I go back to the customer.)

    Me: “Hi, sorry. I can’t seem to find your parcel. Can you just write down the full name it’s under?”

    (Customer writes it down, sighing the whole time. I go back and still can’t find the parcel.)

    Me: “Is it possible it could be under another name?”

    Customer: “No! I think I know my own name! What kind of stupid question is that?!”

    Me: “I understand. It’s just, sometimes—”

    Customer: “Just go back and check! You know this is supposed to be a faster option! I’ve been waiting in this line for half an hour.”

    Me: “I apologise, ma’am.”

    (I go to the stockroom for the third time. This time asking for the delivery team to help me find it. They tell me to leave and cover other customers. while they continue searching. I go to the customer and tell her the delivery team are looking.)

    Customer: “You know, I’m getting sick of waiting!”

    (She continues ranting at me and ‘terrible service at this store’ until her phone rings.)

    Customer: *on the phone* “I’ve been waiting for ages! They’re all useless! It can’t be that hard to find a parcel for [Customer]. It’s not exactly a common name.”

    (Suddenly the customers face goes white and she looks away from me.)

    Customer: *hangs up phone* “It… er… it may be under [Different Name].”

    (Lo and behold it was under Different Name. And, surprise, surprise – I didn’t get an apology.)

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