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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Had No Doubt She Was In The Wrong Place

    , | TX, USA | Funny Names, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (It is about a week before Christmas and I am opening the clothing store I manage by myself. I run to the food court to grab some breakfast, and when I returned to the store there was a middle-aged woman standing in front of the doors.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *I bend down to unlock the doors*

    Customer: “Hi! What time do you open?”

    Me: “We open at 10:00, and it’s about a quarter ‘til right now. I’m just gonna eat this really quick and open the registers and then I’ll open up the store.”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Oh, okay! Take your time!”

    (While I eat and finish up my opening procedures, the customer just paces in front of the windows, looking intently at all of our window displays. I end up opening the doors a few minutes early, and while I’m placing the signs outside the doors she walks in and heads straight to the registers. I figure she’s wanting to purchase a gift card since she’s not looking around the store. I walk back to the registers to assist her.)

    Me: “So, what can I help you find today?”

    Customer: “I’m just here to pick up the No Doubt vinyl.”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry; I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: *sighs* “You know, the vinyl!”

    Me: *confused* “We have a men’s cologne called Vinyl. Is that what you were looking for?”

    Customer: *sighing loudly* “No, not cologne! Vinyl! You know, like a record! The No Doubt record!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know what records are, but we don’t sell them here.”

    Customer: *starts glaring at me* “What?! What do you mean you don’t sell it here?”

    Me: *gesturing around the store* “We sell clothes, shoes, and accessories, but no music. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “But I spoke to you on the phone not even 30 minutes ago, and you said you’d hold the vinyl for me! Why would you say you’d put something on hold that you don’t even sell?”

    Me: I’m very sorry, ma’am, but as you can see, I’m the only one here, and I haven’t spoken to anyone on the phone all morning. I also would never tell someone we would hold a product that we don’t even carry. Are you sure you’re in the right store?”

    Customer: “Well, this is Hot Topic isn’t it?!”

    Me: *sighing* “No, ma’am, that’s next door. On your left hand side.”

    Customer: *suddenly cheerful again* “Oh, why didn’t you just say so?”

    (I have no idea how she stood outside my store staring in the windows for 15 minutes and didn’t realize she was in the wrong place!)

    Retail Nightmares

    | MD, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Customer: “I can’t find the skirt I came for.”

    Me: “Can you describe it for me?”

    Customer: “it was blue, lightweight, and had a red flower design around the bottom.”

    Me: “I can’t think of a skirt like that in stock right now. Did you see it online? We don’t carry the whole collection here.”

    Customer: “No, I had a dream I bought it here. You MUST carry it! My dreams are prophetic!”

    Some People Need To Be Put Away

    , | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (I am finishing up my shopping experience by doing the impossible – putting the things I don’t want back where I got them. A random woman on her phone thrusts a pile of clothes into my arms.)

    Me: “What the h***?”

    (I drop the clothes on the floor.)

    Woman: “What are you doing?! Put those away!”

    Me: “Why the h*** would I put your clothes away for you?! Put them away yourself!”

    Woman: “What the f*** is your problem?! DO YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “I DON’T work here! Why would you assume that I did?! Pick up your clothes and put them away yourself!”

    Woman: “Then why are you putting clothes away if you don’t work here?!” *smug that she caught me in a supposed lie*

    Me: “Because that’s what you do when you don’t want to buy something – YOU PUT IT BACK.”

    Woman: “Oh… Can you still put these away for me though?”

    Me: “NO! Do it yourself!”

    (She opened and closed her mouth a few times before just walking away. Some people seriously shouldn’t be allowed in stores.)

    I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a popular clothing store chain. I notice a woman browsing so I approach her.)

    Me: “Hi there. Can I help you find anything?”

    Her: “Oh, that’s very kind of you, but I’m sure I can flag down a staff member soon.”

    Me: “I am a staff member.”

    (She looks at me, somewhat shocked.)

    Her: “You?! You don’t look like you work here at all!”

    (I laughed and showed her my store ID. She blushed and apologised profusely. This actually happened on numerous occasions over the time I worked there. Every staff member looked quite similar: bleached blonde hair, long fake nails, tight, revealing clothing, and sandals or heels. Then there was me: naturally dark blonde, wearing the most subtle and body covering clothing the store carried, and sneakers. It was no wonder!)

    Having A Boo Hoo About Your Hoo Hoo’s

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (My school happens to have a similar uniform code as the store I’m walking into. Due to the fact today is hot I take off my shirt, revealing a tight and slightly revealing tank top which matches the uniform the store employees wear. I’ve also been blessed with looking older than I actually am, along with having bigger breasts and curves even though I’m younger than I look. I’m with a group of friends until I wander off to look for school materials — the reason we’re all here anyway — until this lady comes over.)

    Lady: “Your uniform attire is inappropriate.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “Exposing those poor young girls into thinking they have to follow the motto ‘sex sells.’ I demand to see your manager.”

    Me: “But I don’t work here.”

    Lady: “Then why are you wearing the same colors as he is?”

    (A passing employee walks down the aisles.)

    Me: “I go to [High School]. We have the same colors except our shirts are black. I just chose to wear a red tank top today.”

    Lady: “I don’t want to hear your lies. I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “But I don’t work here!”

    (The lady storms off and I don’t think anything of it until she comes with the manager.)

    Lady: “Her uniform is unacceptable! This is a family place and she’s showing her hoo hoos off with that string tank top! These girls do not need to be influenced by your employees’ need for sexual attention!”

    (Needless to say I was ‘fired’ from somewhere I didn’t work and could pick up my check by the end of the week!)

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