Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (2,105 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    Actions Are Totally Out Of Order

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (It is near the end of my shift and I am cleaning the bathrooms in my section. The only event currently going on is being held at the other end of the building; there are two other sets of bathrooms and several closed doors between the event and my area. Nonetheless, out of habit, I have put up the “CLOSED FOR CLEANING” sign in the doorway of the women’s bathroom. It’s a bright yellow sign, on a bright yellow safety bar, that is at chest level so that people can’t just walk underneath it. I have just finished cleaning the mirrors and sinks. As I turn away from the mirrors, a woman walks in.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but this bathroom is closed.”

    Woman: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because I’m cleaning it.”

    Woman: “Well, you should have a sign up!”

    Me: “Uh, I do. Right across the doorway”

    Woman: “Well, that doesn’t apply to me! I have to go!”

    Me: “Are you with the group on the other side of the church?”

    Woman: “YES! Now let me use the bathroom!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you would have had to pass by two other bathrooms on the way down here. Those were much closer to your event.”

    Woman: “I wanted to use this one!”

    (My bathrooms aren’t that special; they’re the oldest bathrooms in the building. The ones by her event are much nicer and had been renovated only a year ago. One toilet in my bathroom is also out of order, while we wait for a back-ordered part to come in.)

    Me: “All right, fine.”

    (She tries to go into the stall with the big ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign. The stall is locked AND taped shut, since people had been ignoring the sign most of the week and unlocking the stall. Thus far, the tape had deterred them.)

    Woman: “Why can’t I get in here?! I want in! I have to go!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that stall is out of order. The toilet doesn’t work. That’s why there’s a sign and the door is taped shut. There are seven other stalls that are just fine.”

    Woman: *huffing* “FINE!”

    (I go out to my cart to take inventory of what I need to restock before I leave, while I wait for her to finish. A few minutes later, she comes barreling out, knocking my sign out of the doorway.)

    Woman: “Your toilet is broken!” *storms off down the hall*

    (I rolled my eyes, put the sign back, and went to clean whichever toilet she used, figuring she had probably gotten the one with the finicky flusher. She hadn’t. What she had done was unlock the out of order stall and ripped the tape down… and then ripped down the out of order sign, tossed it in the toilet, and urinated and defecated on it. I had to call my shift supervisor down to turn the water back on to that toilet so I could clean it, which left me with a flooded floor from the huge leak that had necessitated closing that toilet in the first place.)

    Preaching To The Converted

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Religion, Top

    (It’s the day of our church fete. I’m helping out on a busy stall while my father (who also happens to be the vicar) finishes up at his day job. A young man and woman are hanging about at the entrance, handing out pamphlets about atheism. They don’t seem to be causing trouble, so we don’t do anything about it. As the day drags on, we start to get complaints: apparently they’ve changed tack and are starting to harass with anti-religious taunts. I approach them with my friend.)

    Woman: *thrusting a pamphlet at me as I approach* “Coming out is better than going in! Break out of the delusion!”

    Me: “Uh, thanks. Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but do you mind tuning it down a notch? You’re upsetting some of the parishioners.”

    Man: “Ha! Typical. The vicar can’t do the job himself, so he sends a couple of brainwashed children to do it for him! Wake up and smell the lie!”

    Friend: *gesturing to me*“Okay, first off she is agnostic.”

    Man: “A cowardly atheist! Why the f*** are you here serving these fools? You’re only a Wikipedia page away from enlightenment!”

    Me: *getting slightly irritated* “I’d rather keep studying at university, and help as many people as possible rather than holding to a belief I can’t prove. As I said though, I respect what you’re trying to do, but you’re not going to convert anyone by attacking them,”

    Woman: “How dare you?! Atheism is a fact!”

    (Eventually, my father arrives from his lecture, dressed in a long windbreaker. He’s forgotten to take his reading glasses off, so he still looks quite scholarly. The young man spots him as he approaches us.)

    Man: “Hey, sir! You look way too smart to be here. What do you do?”

    My Father: *slightly taken aback* “Dean of Physics at the university.”

    Man: “Finally, an intelligent human being! Can you please tell these idiots the truth about their ‘Sky Fairy’?”

    My Father: “Oh, of course!”

    (He takes a step forward, then shudders, clutching at his head and turning bright purple. It’s realistic enough that everyone involved starts to panic, thinking he’s having a fit.)

    My Father: “No… impossible! Reason… failing… logic… melting away! Delusions too powerful to resist! Must…convert!”

    (With a dramatic gesture, he tears off his windbreaker, revealing his full vicar’s uniform, dog collar and all, beneath. The young man and woman look horrified, and begin to storm away.)

    My Father: “God bless!”

    Man: “F*** you!”

    The Holy Twi-Light

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I am teaching a children’s Bible Study lesson on the sons of Isaac.)

    Me: “So the first twin’s name was Esau, which means hairy. And his brother came out holding onto his heel, and his parents named him Jacob.”

    Girl #1: “Like the werewolf in Twilight?”

    Girl #2: “Why did they name him Jacob? Does it mean ‘holding heels’ or something?”

    Me: “Uh… hold on.”

    (I go to the back of the room to look in the Bible, and see if it mentions why they chose the name Jacob.)

    Girl #1: “Jacob is like the name from Twilight!”

    Me: “Please don’t mention that book around me.”

    Girl #3: “Do you like Twilight, Miss [my name]?”

    Me: “No, I do not!”

    Girl #1: “Why not?”

    (I open my mouth to answer, but…)

    Boy: “Because it’s BAD!”

    Just Plain Batty, Part 2

    | California, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion

    (I work as a Sunday school teacher at my church, which I’ve been going to for the past ten years. Most of the church members know me by now, and they know I’m a goth, even though I don’t look it when I’m working. This happens when a new member notices I am wearing a bat necklace.)

    New Member: *gasps* “That’s scary!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    New Member: You “shouldn’t wear that to church. It’s scary and it’s evil! You’re corrupting the children!”

    Other Member: *to the new member* “It’s just a bat; bats aren’t evil.”

    New Member: “It’s a vampire, and vampires are from Satan!”

    (I put my necklace into my shirt so no one can see it. After church, the pastor comes up to me.)

    Pastor: “Where’s your necklace? Did you lose it?”

    Me: “Someone complained about it because it was ‘scary,’ so I tucked it into my shirt.”

    Pastor: “That’s stupid. I’d hate to have her see what you have planned for the kids this Halloween!”

    Related:
    Just Plain Batty

    Silence Is Holy

    | Florida, USA | Religion

    (I’m a volunteer usher at smaller church. This takes place before mass and there is a man praying in one of the pews. A woman is at the back of the church talking loudly in an outdoor voice.)

    Me: “Ma’am, could you please keep your voice down or talk outside?”

    Woman: “Why, I never! I am a member of this church! You have no right to speak to me this way!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are being too loud. There are people trying to pray.”

    Woman: “Who prays before church starts!?”

    (The pastor, hearing our conversation, walks over.)

    Pastor: “Good Catholics do. Now, please go outside.”

    Woman: “And who do you think you are?”

    Pastor: “The pastor.”

    Woman: *leaves in a huff*

    Page 1/3123