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    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I work in an awkwardly-sized shop where the chocolate counter is at one end of the shop, with the till at the other. This tends to result in customers waiting needlessly at the chocolate counter. This occurs during on a particularly busy time.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. Would you just like to follow me to the till and I’ll just put your transaction though?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting bloody ages! This happens every year! You shop assistants are useless!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s just the shop is awkwardly shaped, so it’s difficult to keep track of people waiting—”

    Customer: *hands over his card* “I’m a business man, and it’s not the shop. It’s you! You’re just useless!”

    Me: “Once again, I apologise for the wait. It’s difficult to keep tabs on everyone—”

    Customer: “If you would do your job properly, it wouldn’t happen! Every bloody year, it’s the same!”

    Me: “Sir—”

    Customer: “If you make one more excuse, I’ll leave without buying anything!”

    (Note: I’ve already put his purchase though and I’m just trying to hand him his card and receipts.)

    Me: “Okay, I—”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!”

    (The customer angrily storms out of shop. Five minutes later, he returns, albeit much calmer.)

    Customer: *sheepish* “I…er…left my card.”

    Me: “Don’t forget your chocolates, sir! Have a lovely day!”

    Willy Wonka Goes Bonkas

    | Newcastle, UK |

    (Our shop has a chocolate fountain which we fill up daily, to attract customers who can buy marshmallows to dip into it.)

    Customer: “So, where does the chocolate come from?”

    Me: “… sorry?”

    Customer: “The chocolate for the fountain thing. Where does it come from?”

    Me: “Well, we melt some chocolate, then fill–”

    Customer: “No, where does it COME from? Like the water pipes or something?”

    Me: “No we melt our own–”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you got a chocolate pipe plugged into that thing! How do you get one!? Where is your manager?”

    (After failing to convince them, the customer leaves angrily. It’s now a running joke in our shop to call the “National Chocolate System” whenever there is a problem.)