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  • Celebrity Begins At Home

    | Daytona Beach, FL, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am taking calls for a charity.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [charity]. Are you calling this evening to make a donation?”

    Caller: “Sure I will, but I want to talk to on of the famous people first.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t possible. However, if I take your donation, I’m sure that they will be grateful.”

    Caller: “Well what row are you in? Can you wave to me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not on TV. I’m in a call center that handles the excess calls from generous people like yourself.”

    Caller: “Well just get up and tap [celebrity] on the shoulder! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking my call!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not in the studio at the moment.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ll just call back I’m sure the next person will know some one famous! You should stop hogging all the famous people!”

    Now Accepting Canned Goods & DNA

    | Canada |

    (Note: I’m a teenager going door to door, collecting cans for a food bank and soup kitchen. A man answers the door at one house.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Would you like to donate cans to [charity organization]?”

    Man: “Do you have ID?”

    Me: “No, I’m just a high school student collecting cans.”

    Man: “How do I know you’re not a homeless girl trying to steal my food?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Man: “You could be an alien for all I know!” *slams door*

    Putting Your Foot In It

    | Australia |

    (My friend and I are door-knocking to raise money for a charity.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, we’re collecting for [charity]. Would you like to donate?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, sure!”

    Me: “Thank you, we really appreciate it!”

    Customer: *pauses and suddenly glares* “Don’t look at my feet.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “You heard!”

    (We can’t help it and sneak a look at her feet. She is wearing frog slippers.)

    Customer: “DON’T F***ING LOOK AT MY FEET!”

    The Free-Range Children Are Out Back

    | Cardiff, UK |

    (We are the charity for a small but state-of-the-art kids hospital, and run tours for potential donors, maximum 6 people per tour.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello, **** Charity, how can I help?

    Caller: “I want to organize a visit.”

    Me: “Ok, great. What day?”

    Caller: “Next Wednesday. Now, tell me, is there somewhere they can stop and eat?”

    Me: “There’s a cafe nearby.”

    Caller: “Good. Am I right that there is an area where the patients can be petted?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Caller: “Never mind – where can I park the coach?”

    Me: “…coach?”

    Caller: “Yes, we want a visit for 50 elderly people. Your representative said it was possible.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry, we can only take 6 people at a time.”

    Caller: “Well, what are the rest of them going to do?!”

    Me: “Ok, can I ask who told you it was all right to bring more than 6 people?”

    Caller: “Yes! She definitely said it was all right! We had an initial talk by a lady who brought along her lovely Labrador…”

    Me: “…”

    Caller: *realizing* “This isn’t the Dogs’ Trust Hospital that I’ve called, is it?”

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