You Bite It, You Buy It

, | Clitheroe, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a charity shop selling used items. A customer walks up to me with a pair of gloves.)

Customer: “Are these gloves waterproof?”

Me: “They look it, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll just test them out.”

(The customer then proceeds to bite the gloves, covering them with his spit in the process, while everyone close to him looks on in horror.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take these.”

Empty Cans, Even Emptier Stomachs

| Ontario, Canada | Religion, Uncategorized

(My friends and I are going door to door collecting cans for a food drive at our church.)

Me: “Hello, we are collecting cans of food for [church]. Would you like to donate?”

Teenage Girl: “So you guys take cans. What about pop cans?”

Me: “No, we only take canned foods.”

Teenage Girl: “Are you sure? I have some pop cans I don’t need.”

Me: “No, we only accept canned foods.”

Teenage Girl: “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

(The girl closes the door and bangs around inside for a couple minutes. Then she opens the door with a handful of cans.)

Teenage Girl: “Here are the cans. I grabbed some pop cans too.”

(We look at the cans she gave us, and realize that they are all empty.)

Teenage Girl: *to her mom* “I took out the recycling, Mom!”

Overly Essaying The Situation

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “What can I help you with today, sir?”

Customer: “Well for starters, you can talk to that girl at the front desk. She made me fill out so much paperwork!”

Me: “I’m sorry. She must have been mistaken. Can you show me the forms you were asked to complete?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have them.”

Me: *confused* “Where are they?”

(The man proceeds to lead me to the front desk and gestures at the sign-in sheet where visitors are asked to write their name and zip code.)

Customer: “This! She made me write all this!”

Celebrity Begins At Home

| Daytona Beach, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(I am taking calls for a charity.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [charity]. Are you calling this evening to make a donation?”

Caller: “Sure I will, but I want to talk to on of the famous people first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t possible. However, if I take your donation, I’m sure that they will be grateful.”

Caller: “Well what row are you in? Can you wave to me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not on TV. I’m in a call center that handles the excess calls from generous people like yourself.”

Caller: “Well just get up and tap [celebrity] on the shoulder! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking my call!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not in the studio at the moment.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll just call back I’m sure the next person will know some one famous! You should stop hogging all the famous people!”

Now Accepting Canned Goods & DNA

| Canada | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m a teenager going door to door, collecting cans for a food bank and soup kitchen. A man answers the door at one house.)

Me: “Hello, sir. Would you like to donate cans to [charity organization]?”

Man: “Do you have ID?”

Me: “No, I’m just a high school student collecting cans.”

Man: “How do I know you’re not a homeless girl trying to steal my food?”

Me: *speechless*

Man: “You could be an alien for all I know!” *slams door*

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