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  • Ballooning Out Of Control

    | Greenwich, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I am doing some community service the other day, handing out balloons at an adopt-a-dog fair. I have been working for a few hours when a family of three approaches.)

    Me: “Hello, would you like a balloon?”

    Woman: *snatches her baby away* “How dare you offer a balloon to a child? Do you realize how dangerous those are? Are you trying to kill my baby? Call your manager right this instant!”

    Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t actually work here. I’m doing community service.”

    Woman: *huffs* “Don’t lie to me, missy! Do you think I’m stupid? You’re just lying to get out of trouble! Now, call your manager. Now!”

    Me: *starting to get really fed up* “I don’t work here! I’m just here to I hand out balloons, and clearly you don’t want one, so I would suggest moving on to some of our other attractions.”

    Woman: “Why, of all the disrespectful—”

    (She has started to get pretty loud, so one of the managers running the fair wanders over to see what’s going on.)

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Woman: “Finally! This young lady tried to give my child a balloon! Those can strangle kids! I demand to have her fired immediately!”

    Manager: *bewildered* “Sorry, what?”

    Woman: “She tried to murder my child! I can press charges!”

    Manager: “Right… Well, why don’t you go off and do that now…”

    (The woman’s storms off, taking her child with her. Her husband, who has been silent throughout the entire conversation, stays behind.)

    Husband: “Well, I don’t know about her, but I’d like a balloon…”

    Charity Begins At Home Furnishing

    , | London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (As a charity shop, all items are donated to us. The staff are volunteers and so do not receive wages. The money made from sales goes to our cause; in this case, the care of the elderly in a local home. I approach a customer that has been looking at a sofa for some time.)

    Me: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “This sofa, isn’t it a bit expensive?”

    (Customers sometimes try to haggle or cheat us, so I’m not surprised so far.)

    Me: “Well, even though the sofa has no signs of wear and looks to be new, it has been heavily discounted. It would be triple the price from any other shop.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but this is a charity shop.”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Customer: “So I don’t see why you can’t just give it away.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I rent out property, you see. I get more if the places are furnished, but if I have to buy the furniture…”

    Me: “We can’t just give things away. We raise money for the charity, which cares for elderly people.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but you get this stuff for free.”

    Me: “… “

    Unhappy Holidays

    | Canada | Bizarre, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m sitting at my position, working for a well-known religious charity. I am collecting donations to fund their various charitable programs. A customer walks by.)

    Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

    Me: “Merry Christmas!”

    Customer: “You aren’t allowed to say that!” *walks away*

    A Bona-Fido Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an animal charity. I am out in the local community promoting responsible dog ownership.)

    Me: “So is your dog neutered then?”

    Customer: “Sorry?”

    Me: “Sorry, madam. Is your dog neutered?”

    (The customer stares blankly.)

    Colleague: “Madam, has your dog been castrated?”

    (The customer continues to stare blankly.)

    Me: “Has he been ‘done’?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. He did have an operation on his ears a few weeks ago…”

    Law And Order: The Next Generation

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Money, Top

    (A customer approaches the counter with curtains in her hand. Her 15-year-old daughter hovers around.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Those curtains will be a total of $45, at $15 a piece.”

    Customer: “What? No, the sign said $5 a piece.”

    Me: “Really? I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am; I was told not to sell these specific curtains for any less than $15. We are a charity drive, so I hope you understand the pricing.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t get it. These curtains were over there on that rack, and it said $5! You are bound, by law, to sell me these at this pri—”

    (The daughter interrupts.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Actually, she’s not. The sign beside the curtains could have been referring to any number of things. That said, even if we were to assume that it referred to the curtains themselves, it would only constitute an invitation to treat, which is something very different to an offer. You know as well as I do that both an offer and an acceptance are needed to form a contract. By taking the curtains to the counter, you’re offering, and by disagreeing with an express term of the contract—in this case, the price—this lovely lady who’s merely performing her job is not accepting. Therefore, no contract has been formed.”

    Customer: “I… I… shut up!”

    (The customer storms out of the shop.)

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Customer’s Daughter: “No problem. I just finished a semester on contract law, and she’s done this in the past three stores we’ve gone to. I hope things look up for you!”

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