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  • A Phone That Rises To The Challenge

    | NY, USA | Rude & Risque

    Me: “So, are you looking to upgrade your phone?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Any model of phone in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, I had an LG Erection, and I want to get another one because the first one died.”

    Dummy Request

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    (We have dummy displays set up of all the phones we sell.)

    Me: “Hello sir, can I help you with a new cell phone today?”

    Customer: “No. I’m just looking for a new battery for my phone.”

    Me: “Sorry, but we don’t carry batteries for cell phones. You might try the battery store across the street.”

    Customer: “How much to buy one of the displays?”

    Me: “Well those are just dummy phones.”

    Customer: “I know that. I just want to take the battery from it.”

    Unlimited Texts, Limited Intelligence

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Family & Kids, Technology

    (After purchasing a cell phone a few hours ago, a teenager and her mom return, saying they’re having difficulty.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer’s mom: “She’s having problems sending a text message to her dad.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it keeps saying that it doesn’t recognize his phone or something.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s odd. Here, show me.”

    (The customer types a short message along with her dad’s number, and hits send. After a few moments, a message reads ‘Error: Your message was not sent. Address is not a recognized mobile device’.)

    Me: “Oh…are you trying to text it to his home phone?”

    Customer’s mom:“Yes! Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Because only cell phones can receive text messages. It’s not going to work.”

    Customer’s mom:“What? Since when? Well, she’d like a plan that can do that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s not up to me. That’s just how phones work.”

    Customer: “But it’s an unlimited texting plan!”

    Related:
    Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

    Some Customers You Just Have To Let Slide

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Top

    Me: “Good afternoon, this is [cellphone store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I came in to your store today and you sold me a defective phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What is your full name and phone number so I can pull up your account?”

    Customer: *gives information*

    Me: “Okay, thanks. I see, you bought a [phone]. What seems to be the problem?

    Customer: “The keyboard on this piece of s*** won’t come out!”

    Me: “Have you tried sliding it the other way?”

    *really long pause*

    Customer: “Well thanks a lot, b****! Now you made me feel like a f***ing idiot!” *click*

    H2Slow

    | Australia |

    Customer: “Hello. I bought this phone from you and I accidentally got some orange juice on it.”

    Me: “Okay, well if it didn’t get too much on it, it might be okay. Is it turning on?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I take the phone and it has a lot of moisture damage.)

    Me: “It looks like there’s quite a lot of juice on this.”

    Customer: “Oh that’s not juice. I ran it under the tap to get the juice off!”

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