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    The Uncertainty Principle Of E-Mail

    | Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Technology

    (I’m a part-time cellphone salesman and a full time web development student.)

    Customer: “So, if I buy this smartphone, I will need to cancel my home internet, right?”

    Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t have email in more than one place.”

    Me: “Um, yes, you sure can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a kid in a cellphone store. My husband knows everything there is to do with computers. He works at [clothing store].”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, not only do I work here, but I am also in IT and guarantee you that you can have your e-mail on your cell and computer.”

    Customer: “You’re an idiot. You don’t know anything!” *storms out without her new phone*

    Contents Need Not Be Revealed

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the Iron Man 2 movie on the SD card.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

    Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

    Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

    Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

    Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

    Customer: “Oh! This one had my porn!”

    (The customer waves and walks out.)

    Related:
    Please, Say No More
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Accessories Are Contagious

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

    Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

    Me: “An SD card?”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”

    You Didn’t Hear It Foam Me

    , | Hamilton, New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am explaining to a customer that his cellphone is not covered under warranty because is suffering from water damage.)

    Customer: “But I didn’t get it wet!”

    Me: “You told me you took it to the foam night party at the local bar.”

    Customer: “Yes, but that’s foam, not liquid.”

    Me: “Did you notice that you came out wet, though?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it’s not water! How can it be liquid damage?!”

    Unlimited Cluelessness Plan

    | NY, USA | Technology, Top

    (A woman comes storming through the doors. She blasts by other customers who are waiting in line and slams her phone onto the counter.)

    Me: “Is there something I can–”

    Customer: “This phone you sold me is a piece of s***!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What exactly is wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t work! I can’t get any calls on it!”

    Me: “Let me take a look.”

    (I pick up the phone and begin to examine it as the woman continues to rant and rave.)

    Customer: “I paid a ridiculous amount of money for this thing! I can’t believe you would charge me so much for something that doesn’t even work! What is the world coming to? Have you no shame? Do you do this to all your customers?”

    Me: “I think I see the problem, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Yes? And?”

    Me: “This is a TV remote.”

    (All the other customers are watching, dead silent.)

    Customer: *mutters* “I…I think I must have…grabbed the wrong…”

    (She snatches her remote and flees the store. As soon as she disappears, the entire store bursts into laughter.)

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