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    It Keeps Saying Error

    | Eau Claire, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a cell phone store. From time to time, we have to fix phones for people. Today, an elderly woman is asking me to look at her phone.)

    Customer: “There is something wrong with my phone. Could you fix it for me?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s it doing?”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t make any phone calls.”

    Me: “No problem. Can I see your phone for a moment?”

    (The customer digs through her purse, pulls out a calculator, and hands it to me.)

    Customer: “See, I punch in a phone number and nothing happens.”

    Me: “Erm, did you grab this by mistake? This is a calculator, not a cell phone.” *hands back the calculator*

    (The customer takes the calculator back, looks at it, then looks at me blankly before walking away.)

    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes, Part 2

    | Ireland | Technology

    (I am working one day when this rather angry guy comes up to me and bangs his phone down on the counter.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My phone stopped working and it wont turn on.”

    (I fiddle around with the phone a bit. Then, I plug the phone into a charger and voila, the phone turns on.)

    Me: “Sir, did you charge the battery on the phone?”

    Customer: “What do you mean did I charge the phone? No one told me that I would have to use my electricity to use this phone. I thought it had a battery!”

    Me: “Sir, all mobile phones have chargeable batteries. It’s standard. They need to be charged for a few hours every couple of days.”

    Customer: “That’s a disgrace. How can you expect people to use their electricity to use the phone?!” *grabs his phone and storms out*

    Related:
    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes

    Taking The I Out Of Identity

    | Lima, OH, USA |

    (I am at the front door at my store greeting customers when a customer comes in. I remember helping him activate a warranty
    replacement phone I ordered for him the previous week. Keep in mind that I am a white guy.)

    Customer: “Is that black guy here today?”

    Me: “You know his name?”

    Customer: “Is [my name] here?”

    Me: “That’s me.”

    Customer: “You sure?”

    Me: “Uh, yes.”

    Customer: “Huh. You sure that’s you?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. I check every morning.”

    The Uncertainty Principle Of E-Mail

    | Dartmouth, NS, Canada | Technology

    (I’m a part-time cellphone salesman and a full time web development student.)

    Customer: “So, if I buy this smartphone, I will need to cancel my home internet, right?”

    Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t have email in more than one place.”

    Me: “Um, yes, you sure can, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a kid in a cellphone store. My husband knows everything there is to do with computers. He works at [clothing store].”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, not only do I work here, but I am also in IT and guarantee you that you can have your e-mail on your cell and computer.”

    Customer: “You’re an idiot. You don’t know anything!” *storms out without her new phone*

    Contents Need Not Be Revealed

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the Iron Man 2 movie on the SD card.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

    Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

    Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

    Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

    Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

    Customer: “Oh! This one had my porn!”

    (The customer waves and walks out.)

    Related:
    Please, Say No More
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)


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