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    Backhanded Corpulence

    | Essex, UK | Health & Body

    (I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

    Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

    Me: “Sorry?!”

    Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”

    In Defence Of Common Sense

    | Canada | Money, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Yeah, this phone still powers on, but the flip part of the screen has been ripped off. Can you pull the contacts off and put them on my new phone? I’m not a customer with your company though.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Well, sometimes if the device is still operational I might be able to access the contacts transfer even without the screen. I’ll try my best.”

    Customer: “I NEED these contacts. I’m desperate.”

    Me: “I understand how frustrating this is for you. We charge $15 to do the transfer. But if it doesn’t work, I wont charge you anything at all.”

    Customer: “What? You’re not going to do it for free?”

    Me: “No, sir, I have to charge a fee for my time and services.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! You should do it for free!”

    Me: “Right, and what do you do for a living, sir?”

    Customer: “I make fences.”

    Me: “Awesome! Is it cool if I swing by after work and get you to build me a fence for my puppy who likes to play in my backyard? Of course, I can’t pay you, so can you do it for free?”

    Customer: “What?! No! I don’t work for free.”

    Me: “Yeah, neither do I.”

    Customer: *lightbulb goes on*

    (I transferred his contacts, and yes, he paid the service charge.)

    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bigotry

    (I work at a mall kiosk store for a major telecom company in Canada. One morning, two full-time employees and I are all at work. I’m white, but the other two are Iranian and Filipino. A customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Are you available?”

    Me: “I can be.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God! I don’t think that g***…” *gestures to my Filipino coworker* “…over there is smart enough to fix my problem.”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You know what I mean! Does that P*** even speak English?”

    Me: “Sir, you can leave now.”

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

    Me: “Leave, sir. I need you to leave the area around my kiosk.”

    Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “Very well, sir. Would you like to speak with the assistant manager, too?”

    Customer: *nods*

    (I wave over my Iranian and Filipino coworkers, who happen to be the managers.)

    Filipino Coworker: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Is this a joke!? I’m leaving!”

    All 3 of us: “Thank you, sir!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

    Don’t Get Short With This Customer

    | New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Technology, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a cashier at a small phone shop in a large mall. At one point, a very tall, very very large man with a scowl on his face steps into line. I can tell that the longer he waits, the shorter his temper gets, so by the time he gets up to the counter about ten minutes later, he’s practically livid.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Y’all sold me a broken device. How could you sell me broken s***?! Don’t you have any kind of quality control?”

    Me: “Um, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work! The f*** you think is the problem?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but—”

    Customer: “I’ve already been waiting here for thirty minutes! Fix it already!”

    (Upon cursory examination of his device, it becomes apparent to me that it has suffered extensive water damage.)

    Me: “Has this device been in contact with water recently?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. I’m not stupid.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid that given the nature of the damage to this device, we cannot repair it and it is no longer under warranty.”

    Customer: “Now hold up just a minute, you little b****. I will not have you blaming me for your problems. How dare you?!”

    (Suddenly, he SLAPS me across the face. Caught completely off guard, I take a step back and shut my eyes. But when I look back up, the man is nowhere to be seen. I notice that everyone is looking down at the floor, so I peer over the counter to see him attempting to crawl away, unable to stand up, and clutching a bleeding ear. The next customer in line is an unassuming, bespectacled man that stands no taller than 5’5″.)

    Next Customer: “Hey, are you okay?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, I’m fine… what just happened?”

    Next Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t just gonna let him do that to you, so I slapped him back.” *his face breaks into a grin*

    Me: “Wait, you… what did you do?”

    (As it turned out, the guy with glasses was trained extensively in multiple forms or martial arts, and had leapt up and performed a cup-handed ear slap on the customer that had assaulted me. My manager has seen what has just happened and walks over.)

    Manager: *to the next customer* “Wow. That was the coolest thing I have ever seen. Thanks for that. You’re welcome to shop here anytime.”

    (Incidentally, I have been dating this short bada** for almost a year now!)

    Man Up And Let A Woman Fix It

    | Naples, FL, USA | Bigotry, Technology, Top

    (One of the new girls is trying to take care of an older gentleman who is having a problem with his phone. I actually discovered a temporary fix for the issue and have taught it to the new girl while we wait for a permanent one from corporate. I’m at the station right next to hers, and she’s done a good job at determining the issue, but she’s just having a hard time remembering the instructions for the fix. Note that I am also female.)

    Customer: “You have no idea what you’re doing do you? Get me a tech guy now!”

    New Girl: “Sir, we don’t have techs here, but I know exactly what the problem is and I can fix it. Give me a minute to—”

    Customer: “I SAID get me a tech guy! Geez, women can’t do anything right!”

    (Frustrated, the new girl turns to me.)

    New Girl: “Hey, that fix you showed me…how—”

    Customer: “Did you not hear me?! I said tech GUY! As in, get me a MAN!”

    New Girl: “Sir, I can assure you, she’s the closest thing to a tech that we have here at the store.”

    Customer: “Ugh! She’s not going to know anything either!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, your problem is an easy fix. I know exactly—”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I want to speak to your manager now!”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (I go to the back room and proceed to get both our assistant manager and our district manager, whose office is in our building. Neither one of them has a clue on how to fix the memory issue, so they both ask me why the customer doesn’t just let me fix it. They agree to speak to the customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, thank God! Men!”

    Assistant Manager: *takes phone and looks at it* “So, it’s the memory, huh?”

    New Girl: “Yep.”

    District Manager: *to assistant manager* “Okay, then…you know what to do.”

    Assistant Manager: “Yes, sir!” *hands phone to me* “Fix this thing since you’re the only one here who knows how to!”

    Me: “Sure!” *takes phone*

    Customer: *shocked* “I don’t want her touching it! She’s a woman! How the h***—”

    District Manager: “Yes, she is, and a great one at that. If it wasn’t for this young lady figuring out this issue, our company would be losing tens of thousands of dollars in replacement phones right now.”

    Customer: “But women can’t—”

    Assistant Manager: “I’m VERY happy to have her here in my store and I will do anything to protect all of my employees. If I hear one more biased comment out of your mouth, I will have her hand you back the phone RIGHT NOW and you can leave here with your phone still messed up.”

    Customer: *face turns beet red and shuts up*

    (I proceed to go though the phone, showing the new girl step-by-step how to fix the issue in the future. When we’re done, I hand her the phone to give back to the customer.)

    New Girl: “So, there you go, it’s fixed! Was there anything else we could help you with today?”

    Customer: *silently walks out the door with his phone, defeated*

    Me: *to the new girl* “Good job. Don’t worry, it happens a lot.” *to my managers* “Thanks for the support, guys. I appreciate it.”

    District Manager: “Oh, don’t worry, we know better. And you’ll be rewarded, trust me!”

    (I was rewarded. I won MVP of our store for that quarter and got a bonus!)

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