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    Taking Charge Of The Charge

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

    Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

    Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

    Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

    Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

    Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

    (My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

    Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

    Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

    Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

    Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store.)

    Backhanded Corpulence

    | Essex, UK | Health & Body

    (I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

    Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

    Me: “Sorry?!”

    Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”

    In Defence Of Common Sense

    | Canada | Money, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Yeah, this phone still powers on, but the flip part of the screen has been ripped off. Can you pull the contacts off and put them on my new phone? I’m not a customer with your company though.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Well, sometimes if the device is still operational I might be able to access the contacts transfer even without the screen. I’ll try my best.”

    Customer: “I NEED these contacts. I’m desperate.”

    Me: “I understand how frustrating this is for you. We charge $15 to do the transfer. But if it doesn’t work, I wont charge you anything at all.”

    Customer: “What? You’re not going to do it for free?”

    Me: “No, sir, I have to charge a fee for my time and services.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! You should do it for free!”

    Me: “Right, and what do you do for a living, sir?”

    Customer: “I make fences.”

    Me: “Awesome! Is it cool if I swing by after work and get you to build me a fence for my puppy who likes to play in my backyard? Of course, I can’t pay you, so can you do it for free?”

    Customer: “What?! No! I don’t work for free.”

    Me: “Yeah, neither do I.”

    Customer: *lightbulb goes on*

    (I transferred his contacts, and yes, he paid the service charge.)

    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People, Part 2

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bigotry

    (I work at a mall kiosk store for a major telecom company in Canada. One morning, two full-time employees and I are all at work. I’m white, but the other two are Iranian and Filipino. A customer comes in.)

    Customer: “Are you available?”

    Me: “I can be.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God! I don’t think that g***…” *gestures to my Filipino coworker* “…over there is smart enough to fix my problem.”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You know what I mean! Does that P*** even speak English?”

    Me: “Sir, you can leave now.”

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME?!”

    Me: “Leave, sir. I need you to leave the area around my kiosk.”

    Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.”

    Me: “Very well, sir. Would you like to speak with the assistant manager, too?”

    Customer: *nods*

    (I wave over my Iranian and Filipino coworkers, who happen to be the managers.)

    Filipino Coworker: “Hello, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Is this a joke!? I’m leaving!”

    All 3 of us: “Thank you, sir!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

    Don’t Get Short With This Customer

    | New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Technology, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a cashier at a small phone shop in a large mall. At one point, a very tall, very very large man with a scowl on his face steps into line. I can tell that the longer he waits, the shorter his temper gets, so by the time he gets up to the counter about ten minutes later, he’s practically livid.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Y’all sold me a broken device. How could you sell me broken s***?! Don’t you have any kind of quality control?”

    Me: “Um, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work! The f*** you think is the problem?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but—”

    Customer: “I’ve already been waiting here for thirty minutes! Fix it already!”

    (Upon cursory examination of his device, it becomes apparent to me that it has suffered extensive water damage.)

    Me: “Has this device been in contact with water recently?”

    Customer: “No, of course not. I’m not stupid.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m afraid that given the nature of the damage to this device, we cannot repair it and it is no longer under warranty.”

    Customer: “Now hold up just a minute, you little b****. I will not have you blaming me for your problems. How dare you?!”

    (Suddenly, he SLAPS me across the face. Caught completely off guard, I take a step back and shut my eyes. But when I look back up, the man is nowhere to be seen. I notice that everyone is looking down at the floor, so I peer over the counter to see him attempting to crawl away, unable to stand up, and clutching a bleeding ear. The next customer in line is an unassuming, bespectacled man that stands no taller than 5’5″.)

    Next Customer: “Hey, are you okay?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, I’m fine… what just happened?”

    Next Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t just gonna let him do that to you, so I slapped him back.” *his face breaks into a grin*

    Me: “Wait, you… what did you do?”

    (As it turned out, the guy with glasses was trained extensively in multiple forms or martial arts, and had leapt up and performed a cup-handed ear slap on the customer that had assaulted me. My manager has seen what has just happened and walks over.)

    Manager: *to the next customer* “Wow. That was the coolest thing I have ever seen. Thanks for that. You’re welcome to shop here anytime.”

    (Incidentally, I have been dating this short bada** for almost a year now!)

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