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    The Signal Is Strong With This One

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

    (The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

    Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

    Pre-pay Or The Highway

    | Independence, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just sold a prepaid cell phone to a customer.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Your payment has gone through, and your next payment is due in 90 days.”

    Customer: “What? You’ve got to be kidding me! You mean I have to pay every 90 days or they shut me off?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That’s how the prepaid plan works. You have to put at least $20.00 on your account every 90 days to keep your service on.”

    Customer: “In that case I don’t want it anymore! You take the phone and just give me my money back! I’ve had this phone for years and never had to do this!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we just accept payments for the parent company. Once the payment is sent, you have to talk to them to try and get a refund. There is nothing I can do for you.”

    (This goes on for about ten minutes, just going in circles with him. By this time I have five new customers in the store. Two of the new customers are a pair of very large Samoan brothers who happen to be regulars. Just then, the customer throws his cell phone at me.)

    Customer: “You take this d*** thing back! I don’t want it anymore!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot keep your phone. It’s yours and you need to take it with you.”

    Customer: “You are s***! Your store is s***! This phone is s***! I will bury you! I will sue you all until all of you don’t even have a cardboard box to live in! I will hunt down your family’s and make you all pay! And f*** this d*** phone!”

    (He throws his phone onto the floor, shattering it into pieces.)

    Customer: “I’m going to wait outside until your shift is over, and you’ll get what’s coming to you!”

    (As he says all this, he hasn’t noticed the Samoan brothers who have been behind him in the back of the store. One of the brothers finally walks up and taps the irate customer on the shoulder.)

    Samoan #1: “Hey little man, I think it’s time to go.”

    Customer: “Who the h*** do you think you are talking—”

    (He turns as he’s talking to see the brothers, who are about two feet taller and three feet wider than he is. He turns the palest color I have ever seen a human being become.)

    Samoan #2: “As my bro said, time to go!”

    Customer: “But they are trying to rip me off! Trying to rob me! This is all BS! I am not going anywhere!”

    Samoan #1: “You walk out, or we toss you out. Your choice.”

    Customer: “I won’t leave until this p**** gives me my money!”

    (They each grab an arm, lift him three feet off the ground, and toss him backwards out of the doors. The rest of the customers then begin to clap and cheer for them. I make sure that anytime they come in after that, they get the full employee discount on everything they bought.)

    Moms Can Be Stock-Blockers

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (Shortly after moving out of my parent’s house, my cell phone breaks. Since the contract hasn’t yet expired, I’m still on their old plan, so my mother needs to come with me to get a replacement. She’s not a nice woman.)

    Mom: “We saw this model phone online and we’re interested in buying it.”

    (My mom shows a printout to the sales girl.)

    Sales Girl: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have this model in our store. But we have this one that’s very similar.”

    (The sales girl shows us a nearly identical phone for only a few dollars more.)

    Me: “Does this come with only [features I want], and would I have to worry about [features I don't want]?”

    Sales Girl: “Yep! It’s nearly the same; it just has a different sized screen and more memory.”

    (We continue talking about the cellphone, with the sales girl answering my questions very nicely and politely.)

    Mom: “No! We want this phone! Go get it! You have it in stock somewhere!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m very sorry; we just don’t have this one. Not anywhere in our stock. We haven’t in some time.”

    Mom: “That’s stupid! It was on your website! You’re supposed to have it!”

    Sales Girl: “It does say that not all stores will stock all models. I’m very sorry. If you like, I can call around and see if anyone has it, and they can have it here in a few days. It is a slightly older model, though, so I can’t make any promises.”

    Mom: “No! I live out of town; I’m only here until tomorrow!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m sorry. Like I said, this one is almost the same, just an updated model.”

    Mom: “I just think it’s very dishonest of you to advertise one thing on your site and then try and scam us into a more expensive phone here.”

    (Bear in mind, I’m the one paying for the new phone and the difference is all of about $10.)

    Sales Girl: “Well, like I said, right here on the page it says in bold italics that not all models will be available in all stores.”

    Mom: “Fine, then! But I’ll be sending a complaint about this! You’re extremely dishonest!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m really very, very sorry…”

    (As I check out and pay, I shake the sales girl hand and thank her for her help. In doing so, I pass her a note that reads: ‘I’m sorry she’s treating you that way. I understand what that feels like and you did your job very well. It’s not you, she’s always like that. This is why I moved out.’)

    Holding The Line Against Bad Customers

    | TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There are usually four to six employees behind the counter at the cell phone store, but today there is only one. She appears to be new and flustered, but is doing very well getting to everyone. I have been waiting for about 20 minutes before a woman in her late 20s and dressed in aerobics gear comes in. She immediately turns to a phone sales rep.)

    Aerobics Woman: “Do I really needed to wait in the line?”

    Employee: “I only really sell new phones, so I am afraid you will have to.”

    Aerobics Woman: “OH. MY. GOD.”

    (Five minutes go by, and the next customer is up. I’m about 4th in line now, and Aerobics Woman is 6th. She is grumbling and muttering things under her breath.)

    Aerobics Woman: *shouting* “What is taking so long?! I don’t understand why I have to wait in this line.”

    (Finally, it’s my turn. I’m up at the counter, and give the poor overwhelmed employee a warm smile.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry you have to put up with this.”

    (Relieved, the employee lets out a big sigh and her shoulders relax.)

    Employee: “No, I’m sorry that it has been taking so long.”

    Me: “No, it’s okay, I understa—”

    Aerobics Woman: “Why does it have to take so long!”

    (I decide I’ve been patient enough with Aerobics Woman and snap back.)

    Me: “Are you five f***ing years old?!”

    (As soon as I say this, everything in the store grinds to a halt. Aerobics Woman is looking at me wide-eyed, as I in turn am now giving her the ugliest glare I’ve ever managed.)

    Me: “Are you seriously under the impression that your constant moaning is going to make anything you’re trying to do happen any faster? Do you have any idea how f***ing ridiculous you look right now? What the h*** is so d*** important that you feel that you have to b**** every 5 minutes for all to hear?”

    Aerobics Woman: “I was on the phone to customer service, and they told me that in order to change my account password I needed to come into a store and show proof of ID!I got a new phone because I dropped the old one, and they told me I couldn’t switch it without my password, and I forgot it!”

    Me: “Well, of course you’d have to bloody come in! I bet you have credit card info, address info, social security info and all the rest on your bloody account. What if I called Customer Service, put on a lovely voice, and said I was you? What if I stole your phone, called the phone company, and said to them, ‘could you tell me what social security number you have for me, I want to make sure it’s the right one’? You should be thanking this poor woman here, all alone, having to put up with your childish whining, and trying to keep you from getting robbed. Now, shut up, and just wait your turn.”

    (I turn back to the employee, and wink. On the way out of the store, another employee intercepts me on the way out.)

    Other Employee: “I was wondering if I could talk to you. Customer Service is our number one priority here, and policy prevents us from being able to defend ourselves in a situation like that. On behalf of everyone here, I wanted to see if I could have your name, and give you next month’s service for free.”

    Dislike Father, Like Son

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (My father is having an issue with his prepaid cell phone that I haven’t been able to fix. I tell him to call the service provider. I am making dinner when I hear yelling in the other room, so I go running in.)

    Operator: *with strong Indian accent* “Sir, can you please confirm your father’s middle name?”

    Father: “What? What did you say? Speak English for the love of f***ing God!”

    (Note: I have a head cold and am nearly deaf from the pressure in my ears, yet I understand the operator just fine.)

    Operator: “I need you to confirm your security question, sir. Please, what is your father’s middle name?”

    Father: “I don’t know what you’re saying! Why can’t you just fix my phone?”

    Me: “Dad, give me the phone.”

    (I proceed to spend 45 minutes on the phone with the operator trying to figure out what my lunatic father has done to his account. It turns out that he registered the account with his name and my mother’s information. The operator finally managed to fix everything and was just about to end the call.)

    Father: “I want his name, address, and phone number before you hang up!”

    Me: “Um… why?”

    Father: “I’m going to complain about him. D*** foreigner needs to speak English! I can’t understand a thing he’s saying.”

    Me: “Seriously? He just spent nearly an hour fixing the account you screwed up and you want to complain? What is wrong with you?” *to the operator on the phone* “Thank you for your help. I’ll handle my father from here…”

    (Operator, wherever you are from, thank you for putting up with jacka**es like my dad. Not all of us are belligerent and bigoted.)

    Related:
    Dislike Father, Dislike Son
    Like Son, Like Father
    Like Father, Like Son

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