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    You Got The Wrongest Number, Part 7

    | Mercer County, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work for a franchise of a major cell phone company in the US.)

    Customer: “I just had a woman call me on my cell phone. Can you look up her information and tell me her last name and address?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unless you are listed on the account as an authorized user I cannot give away any personal information.”

    Customer: “Well then, can you add me as an authorized user so I can see her address?”

    Me: “No, sir, only the account holder can add or remove authorized users.”

    Customer: “Well she called me and I want to find her; what can I do?”

    Me: “Call her back?”

    Customer: “I can’t do that; after she gave me her name she realized it was a wrong number and hung up!”

    Me: “So let me get this straight, you want me to look up a customer’s number, add you as an authorized user, give you her name and address, and you don’t even know her?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to leave.”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 6
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I am helping a customer who’s having an issue with his iPhone’s touch screen.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, what I’m going to try is a soft reboot. That usually fixes these issues.”

    (Another customer, who has been standing behind me, suddenly turns around.)

    Customer: “What? Ah h*** no! Let me have a look at that, ma’am.”

    (He suddenly rips the phone out of my hands.)

    Me: “Sir, please hand that back!”

    Customer: “All you have to do is just take the battery out, like so…”

    (He attempts to pry the casing off the back of the phone. Unfortunately on an iPhone, the battery cannot be removed that way, so he just ends up struggling fruitlessly with it for several seconds.)

    Me: “Sir, please can I just try—”

    Customer: “Butt out! Let’s see if this works…”

    (He jabs frantically at the screen, violently shakes the phone, then finally throws it on the floor, breaking the screen.)

    Customer: “Yeah, the d*** thing is FUBAR. You’re out of luck, buddy.”

    (He walks out.)

    Me: “Did that really just happen?”

    (Mercifully, my original customer has insurance, so we are able to get him a replacement phone.)


    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    The Signal Is Strong With This One

    | UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

    Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

    (The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

    Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

    Pre-pay Or The Highway

    | Independence, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just sold a prepaid cell phone to a customer.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Your payment has gone through, and your next payment is due in 90 days.”

    Customer: “What? You’ve got to be kidding me! You mean I have to pay every 90 days or they shut me off?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. That’s how the prepaid plan works. You have to put at least $20.00 on your account every 90 days to keep your service on.”

    Customer: “In that case I don’t want it anymore! You take the phone and just give me my money back! I’ve had this phone for years and never had to do this!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we just accept payments for the parent company. Once the payment is sent, you have to talk to them to try and get a refund. There is nothing I can do for you.”

    (This goes on for about ten minutes, just going in circles with him. By this time I have five new customers in the store. Two of the new customers are a pair of very large Samoan brothers who happen to be regulars. Just then, the customer throws his cell phone at me.)

    Customer: “You take this d*** thing back! I don’t want it anymore!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot keep your phone. It’s yours and you need to take it with you.”

    Customer: “You are s***! Your store is s***! This phone is s***! I will bury you! I will sue you all until all of you don’t even have a cardboard box to live in! I will hunt down your family’s and make you all pay! And f*** this d*** phone!”

    (He throws his phone onto the floor, shattering it into pieces.)

    Customer: “I’m going to wait outside until your shift is over, and you’ll get what’s coming to you!”

    (As he says all this, he hasn’t noticed the Samoan brothers who have been behind him in the back of the store. One of the brothers finally walks up and taps the irate customer on the shoulder.)

    Samoan #1: “Hey little man, I think it’s time to go.”

    Customer: “Who the h*** do you think you are talking—”

    (He turns as he’s talking to see the brothers, who are about two feet taller and three feet wider than he is. He turns the palest color I have ever seen a human being become.)

    Samoan #2: “As my bro said, time to go!”

    Customer: “But they are trying to rip me off! Trying to rob me! This is all BS! I am not going anywhere!”

    Samoan #1: “You walk out, or we toss you out. Your choice.”

    Customer: “I won’t leave until this p**** gives me my money!”

    (They each grab an arm, lift him three feet off the ground, and toss him backwards out of the doors. The rest of the customers then begin to clap and cheer for them. I make sure that anytime they come in after that, they get the full employee discount on everything they bought.)

    Moms Can Be Stock-Blockers

    | New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (Shortly after moving out of my parent’s house, my cell phone breaks. Since the contract hasn’t yet expired, I’m still on their old plan, so my mother needs to come with me to get a replacement. She’s not a nice woman.)

    Mom: “We saw this model phone online and we’re interested in buying it.”

    (My mom shows a printout to the sales girl.)

    Sales Girl: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have this model in our store. But we have this one that’s very similar.”

    (The sales girl shows us a nearly identical phone for only a few dollars more.)

    Me: “Does this come with only [features I want], and would I have to worry about [features I don’t want]?”

    Sales Girl: “Yep! It’s nearly the same; it just has a different sized screen and more memory.”

    (We continue talking about the cellphone, with the sales girl answering my questions very nicely and politely.)

    Mom: “No! We want this phone! Go get it! You have it in stock somewhere!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m very sorry; we just don’t have this one. Not anywhere in our stock. We haven’t in some time.”

    Mom: “That’s stupid! It was on your website! You’re supposed to have it!”

    Sales Girl: “It does say that not all stores will stock all models. I’m very sorry. If you like, I can call around and see if anyone has it, and they can have it here in a few days. It is a slightly older model, though, so I can’t make any promises.”

    Mom: “No! I live out of town; I’m only here until tomorrow!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m sorry. Like I said, this one is almost the same, just an updated model.”

    Mom: “I just think it’s very dishonest of you to advertise one thing on your site and then try and scam us into a more expensive phone here.”

    (Bear in mind, I’m the one paying for the new phone and the difference is all of about $10.)

    Sales Girl: “Well, like I said, right here on the page it says in bold italics that not all models will be available in all stores.”

    Mom: “Fine, then! But I’ll be sending a complaint about this! You’re extremely dishonest!”

    Sales Girl: “I’m really very, very sorry…”

    (As I check out and pay, I shake the sales girl hand and thank her for her help. In doing so, I pass her a note that reads: ‘I’m sorry she’s treating you that way. I understand what that feels like and you did your job very well. It’s not you, she’s always like that. This is why I moved out.’)

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