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    Dislike Father, Like Son

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (My father is having an issue with his prepaid cell phone that I haven’t been able to fix. I tell him to call the service provider. I am making dinner when I hear yelling in the other room, so I go running in.)

    Operator: *with strong Indian accent* “Sir, can you please confirm your father’s middle name?”

    Father: “What? What did you say? Speak English for the love of f***ing God!”

    (Note: I have a head cold and am nearly deaf from the pressure in my ears, yet I understand the operator just fine.)

    Operator: “I need you to confirm your security question, sir. Please, what is your father’s middle name?”

    Father: “I don’t know what you’re saying! Why can’t you just fix my phone?”

    Me: “Dad, give me the phone.”

    (I proceed to spend 45 minutes on the phone with the operator trying to figure out what my lunatic father has done to his account. It turns out that he registered the account with his name and my mother’s information. The operator finally managed to fix everything and was just about to end the call.)

    Father: “I want his name, address, and phone number before you hang up!”

    Me: “Um… why?”

    Father: “I’m going to complain about him. D*** foreigner needs to speak English! I can’t understand a thing he’s saying.”

    Me: “Seriously? He just spent nearly an hour fixing the account you screwed up and you want to complain? What is wrong with you?” *to the operator on the phone* “Thank you for your help. I’ll handle my father from here…”

    (Operator, wherever you are from, thank you for putting up with jacka**es like my dad. Not all of us are belligerent and bigoted.)

    Related:
    Dislike Father, Dislike Son
    Like Son, Like Father
    Like Father, Like Son

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Bad Behavior

    (I am sweeping, cleaning off all the phones and in the process of shutting the lights off. Two minutes before we close, someone decides to walk in. They want to do an upgrade and sign a new 2 year contract; this is a process that takes up to 30 minutes.)

    Customer: “…I’m also looking to get a new phone on my plan.”

    Me: “Great! Looking to do an upgrade on a current line or adding a new one?”

    Customer: “Update or whatever you call it.”

    Me: “Sounds good. Are you eligible?”

    (I should have checked, but it’s late and I take his word for it.)

    Customer: “Yep, I know which one I want. This one!” *points to a brand new smartphone*

    Me: “Okay, let me get that phone from the back and I’ll ring you up right here.”

    (After getting the phone, getting it set up and ringing it up, it shows the phone is full retail price because he is currently still in contract.)

    Me: “Sir, it looks like you are not eligible. In fact, you’ve only had that phone for 3 months. If you’d like to purchase this new phone today, it will be $560.00 full retail.”

    Customer: “What!? I don’t have that kind of money. It says right on the sign that it’s only $50! I only want to pay that.”

    Me: “The $50 price is for customers who are eligible to upgrade their phones. They get a discounted price for signing a two year contract, like you did three months ago.”

    Customer: “I never signed no f***ing contract! Now, give me the new phone at that price. That’s false advertising.”

    Me: “Sir, my system won’t let me. You are not eligible.”

    Customer: “You are just as greedy at Satan himself. Liars! I am calling the [cellphone company] president tomorrow and getting you fired and your f***ing store shut down!” *storms out*

    Coworker: “Drinks on me tonight?”

    Me: “Thought you’d never ask.”

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 3

    Taking Charge Of The Charge

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

    Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

    Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

    Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

    Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

    Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

    (My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

    Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

    Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

    Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

    Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

    Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer storms out of the store.)

    Backhanded Corpulence

    | Essex, UK | Health & Body

    (I’m customer-facing tech support, and I’ve just fixed up a customer’s phone after a few issues she’s been having.)

    Customer: “Oh, that’s brilliant! Thank you so much! Oh, and I love your hair! It’s so trendy!”

    Me: “Thanks! Well, if you need any more—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sort your weight out and you’d be alright looking.”

    Me: “Sorry?!”

    Customer: “It’s okay, just exercise! Bye!”

    In Defence Of Common Sense

    | Canada | Money, Technology, Top

    Customer: “Yeah, this phone still powers on, but the flip part of the screen has been ripped off. Can you pull the contacts off and put them on my new phone? I’m not a customer with your company though.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Well, sometimes if the device is still operational I might be able to access the contacts transfer even without the screen. I’ll try my best.”

    Customer: “I NEED these contacts. I’m desperate.”

    Me: “I understand how frustrating this is for you. We charge $15 to do the transfer. But if it doesn’t work, I wont charge you anything at all.”

    Customer: “What? You’re not going to do it for free?”

    Me: “No, sir, I have to charge a fee for my time and services.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! You should do it for free!”

    Me: “Right, and what do you do for a living, sir?”

    Customer: “I make fences.”

    Me: “Awesome! Is it cool if I swing by after work and get you to build me a fence for my puppy who likes to play in my backyard? Of course, I can’t pay you, so can you do it for free?”

    Customer: “What?! No! I don’t work for free.”

    Me: “Yeah, neither do I.”

    Customer: *lightbulb goes on*

    (I transferred his contacts, and yes, he paid the service charge.)


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