November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Jumps Straight To Red Alert

| USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Woman: *slams a phone on the counter* “You’re going to block her, right now!”

Me: “Uh… Welcome to [Store], ma’am. Can I help you?”

Woman: *very slowly* “You’re… going… to… block… her… noooowww.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I got that the first time. Who am I blocking and why?”

Woman: “Amber! She keeps calling my husband and I think he’s meeting her on the side! I want her blocked! I’ll pay you double if you trace her.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t trace people here. I don’t think it’s possible or even legal for us to do so, even if we could. May I see the number?”

(She pulls it up in her history and I feel a part of me die inside.)

Me: “Ma’am… that’s an Amber Alert.”

Woman: “I know! BLOCK HER NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, an Amber Alert is a nationwide message sent to all phones telling people to be on the lookout for abducted children. You probably have one, too.”

Woman: “Isn’t she just stalking me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s telling you to currently be on the lookout for a missing little girl named [Child’s Name], taken in a white Subaru about a day ago. The Amber Alert is not trying to steal your husband.”

(After much coaxing, the woman left, still skeptical and still eyeing her phone suspiciously. My coworkers still laugh about it.)

| BC , Canada | Unfiltered

I see a customer walking in very frustrated.

“My phone is not working . FIX IT! ”

Me: Lets see, i’ll try my best

i open up her account and see , oh you don’t have a data plan thats why your internet doesn’t work.

Customer: i always had a data plan . You guys screw it up. Can you fix it?

Me: i can certainly give you a plan with data but its more expensive its 70$

Customer: i don’t want to pay that.

Me: i can only offer plans that are offered to general public, if you want to negotiate the plans you will have to call customer service.

Customer: Oh this is your service? what are you doing than? i have another problem, my phone gets too hot.

I removed the otterbox case from her phone to check.

Customer: Do you have a charger here ? i want to charge it.

I have her the charger.


Me: i did not, its an otterbox its really hard to break it with hand!

Her: well i don’t even know how to take it off so you did it!

Me: i did not do it.

Her: Give me a new otterbox case.

ME: Let me call my manager ..see what i can do.

i tell my manager the whole store and she tells me if i did not break it then don’t give her anything.

I insist that i did not break it.

She starts yelling karma is gonna get you.

i tell her she can escalate it to the manager but i am not gonna give her anything.

She is pissed an leaves the store !

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

Covered For The Next 20 Years

| Alexandria, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Employee: “How can I help you, sir?”

Me: “I just bought this phone yesterday and I can’t hear anyone who calls me. They sound muffled and tinny.”

Employee: “Ah, I know what your problem is.”

(I haven’t even shown him my phone yet, so I assume he’s going to give me some smart-a** presumptuous answer.)

Employee: “Did you leave the plastic cover on the screen that ships with the phone?”

Me: “Well, yeah, at least until I buy a good screen protector.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “Oh. It covers the speaker, too, doesn’t it? That’s rather embarrassing.”

Employee: “Don’t worry; you’re not the first to come in here with that problem.”

Me: “Oh, good, that makes me feel better.”

Employee: “But you are the youngest by about 20 years.”

Remotely Stupid

, | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Carrier]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I would like to update my cellphone.”

Me: “Sure! I can help you. I see you have an iPhone. Can you please go into your settings?”

Customer: “Oh! Do I have to do it? I thought you had to press a button from your computer and work your magic.”

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