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    Phoned In Bad Customers

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Technology

    (My phone is old and has stopped working, so I’ve taken it in to get it replaced. The clerk and I have had to switch registers twice now because of a malfunction. I find it amusing and he keeps thanking me for being patient.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry about how long this is taking.”

    Me: “It’s no problem. I work with computers every day. I know how finicky they can be.”

    Clerk: “You would be surprised at how mean people can get.”

    (I am about to tell him I know because I worked retail to get through college. As if on cue, a customer storms into the store and begins yelling.)

    Customer: “Where are your mice?! [Other Store] sent me over here because all they have are Chinese mice, and I want a good mouse!”

    Assistant Manager: “Sir, this is [cell store]. We don’t sell mice.”

    Customer: “The b**** at [Other Store] said this store had them! Where is [Office Supply Store]?!”

    Assistant Manager: “I don’t know, sir. I’m only a temporary employee here. I don’t live in this area. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “D*** right you are!”

    (I am fed up, and attempt to keep this customer from berating the employees more.)

    Me: “The [Office Supply Store] is just down this road next to another [Cellphone Store].”

    (I proceed to give the customer directions, and he leaves in a huff without a thank you. Another customer chimes in shortly after he leaves.)

    Customer #2: “Now everyone, turn to the person next to you and thank the good Lord that they aren’t like that man.”

    (The store erupts in laughter. The clerk goes back over my account and found a bunch of discounts for me!)

    Requires More (Water) Proof

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s raining out. I am watching the rain through the window and notice a guy on his cell phone. Then I see him shake his head and look at his phone. He looks up and sees my store and starts heading in.)

    Customer: “My phone just stopped working! I need my phone. I was on a business call and it just stopped working!”

    Me: “Maybe it got wet and has water damage. Let me—”

    Customer: “I have never gotten my phone wet! It does not have any water damage!”

    Me: “Sir, I just saw you talking on your phone in the pouring rain.”

    Customer: “So what?! Rain isn’t going to water damage a phone!”

    Me: “Sir, rain is water. If I may see your—”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about! I guess I’ll have to go somewhere else to get service!”

    Say No To A CEO

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

    (I am alone when an older man walks in from the cold.)

    Customer: “So, where is it!?”

    Me: “The new Blackberry? Right there on display!”

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “It is [price] on a three-year term.”

    Customer: “But without a plan?”

    Me: “Well, we only do term plans.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He starts to leave, and has one hand on the door and starts to push it open. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “At what monthly rate?”

    Me: “Well, they start at [price].”

    Customer: “What does that give!? Seven-Bajillion minutes!? I am [name], the CEO of [Wholesale Warehouse]. You don’t know who walks through those doors! It’s your job to create interest in the product!”

    Me: “Sir, you were not interested in obtaining a plan, and were halfway out the door.”

    Customer: “You have to keep me in the store! You’re f****** terrible!”

    Me: “Excuse me!?”

    Customer: “What? Excuse me what!?”

    Me: “You swore at me. I don’t accept that.”

    Customer: “F***! F***! This is Canada! I can swear all the f*** I want! I stayed at Richard Branson’s private island! You are f****** incompetent! You can’t do your f****** job, and are f****** horrible at it too! I don’t know what the f*** you are doing here!”

    Me: “Leave. Now.”

    Customer: “Not like I was going to stay!”

    H2Slow, Part 4

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks into store with a phone that’s not working. It’s raining outside.)

    Customer: “Hey man, my phone stopped working. Can you get me a new one?”

    Coworker: “Do you have insurance? The watermarks show that the phone has gotten wet.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t, but I’ve never gotten my phone wet!”

    Coworker: “Well, it clearly did at some point. Were you by any chance using it while it was raining?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was earlier, but that wouldn’t have done it, would it? Would rain get my phone wet?”

    Coworker: “Is rain made out of water?”

    Customer: “Ohh… right…”

    Related:
    H2Slow, Part 3
    H2Slow, Part 2
    H2Slow

    You Got The Wrongest Number, Part 7

    | Mercer County, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work for a franchise of a major cell phone company in the US.)

    Customer: “I just had a woman call me on my cell phone. Can you look up her information and tell me her last name and address?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unless you are listed on the account as an authorized user I cannot give away any personal information.”

    Customer: “Well then, can you add me as an authorized user so I can see her address?”

    Me: “No, sir, only the account holder can add or remove authorized users.”

    Customer: “Well she called me and I want to find her; what can I do?”

    Me: “Call her back?”

    Customer: “I can’t do that; after she gave me her name she realized it was a wrong number and hung up!”

    Me: “So let me get this straight, you want me to look up a customer’s number, add you as an authorized user, give you her name and address, and you don’t even know her?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Sir, you need to leave.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 6
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number


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