October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

| BC , Canada | Unfiltered

I see a customer walking in very frustrated.

“My phone is not working . FIX IT! ”

Me: Lets see, i’ll try my best

i open up her account and see , oh you don’t have a data plan thats why your internet doesn’t work.

Customer: i always had a data plan . You guys screw it up. Can you fix it?

Me: i can certainly give you a plan with data but its more expensive its 70$

Customer: i don’t want to pay that.

Me: i can only offer plans that are offered to general public, if you want to negotiate the plans you will have to call customer service.

Customer: Oh this is your service? what are you doing than? i have another problem, my phone gets too hot.

I removed the otterbox case from her phone to check.

Customer: Do you have a charger here ? i want to charge it.

I have her the charger.


Me: i did not, its an otterbox its really hard to break it with hand!

Her: well i don’t even know how to take it off so you did it!

Me: i did not do it.

Her: Give me a new otterbox case.

ME: Let me call my manager ..see what i can do.

i tell my manager the whole store and she tells me if i did not break it then don’t give her anything.

I insist that i did not break it.

She starts yelling karma is gonna get you.

i tell her she can escalate it to the manager but i am not gonna give her anything.

She is pissed an leaves the store !

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

Covered For The Next 20 Years

| Alexandria, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Employee: “How can I help you, sir?”

Me: “I just bought this phone yesterday and I can’t hear anyone who calls me. They sound muffled and tinny.”

Employee: “Ah, I know what your problem is.”

(I haven’t even shown him my phone yet, so I assume he’s going to give me some smart-a** presumptuous answer.)

Employee: “Did you leave the plastic cover on the screen that ships with the phone?”

Me: “Well, yeah, at least until I buy a good screen protector.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “Oh. It covers the speaker, too, doesn’t it? That’s rather embarrassing.”

Employee: “Don’t worry; you’re not the first to come in here with that problem.”

Me: “Oh, good, that makes me feel better.”

Employee: “But you are the youngest by about 20 years.”

Remotely Stupid

, | Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Carrier]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I would like to update my cellphone.”

Me: “Sure! I can help you. I see you have an iPhone. Can you please go into your settings?”

Customer: “Oh! Do I have to do it? I thought you had to press a button from your computer and work your magic.”

Has No Bridge Over These Troubled Waters

| USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Wild & Unruly

(I am a retail rep at a well-known cellphone carrier store.)

Customer: “I bought two phones two weeks ago. My brother’s doesn’t work. He says it has never turned on since he got it in the mail.”

(I pull up the account to view if the device has been in use. Before I see this info…)

Customer: “Oh, and how come his phone has a red square on the back but mine is white?”

(For those who don’t know cell phones have liquid damage indicators that turn white to red when exposed to liquid.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. This device has liquid damage and is not covered by the warranty. You also didn’t add insurance to this line.”

Customer: “So what does that mean?”

Me: “You have to continue to pay on the phone and get a new one if your brother needs a phone.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. He said it never turned on since he got it.”

Me: “I see on the account the device was used for the first time on [date] and stopped use three days ago. It had been in use for nine days of the twelve days you have had service.”

Customer: “No, he would’ve told me if he got some liquid on it. That’s not possible.”

Me: “Well, pink indicates exposure. Red, which this is totally red, means the phone was drenched in liquid. He must have gotten significant amount of liquid on it.”

Customer: “So, you’re not gonna replace it?”

Me: “We can’t. You have no insurance and you voided the warranty with damage.”

Customer: “You’re telling me [Company] won’t back up the products they sell?”

Me: “We do. So long as you have insurance for accidental damage or if there is no damage for warranty exchanges. You have neither.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. If I bought a car and there’s something wrong with it, the dealer would take care of it! The dealer would fix it for free!”

Me: “Not if you rammed the car into a building.”

Customer: “Well… If… So what? I gotta keep paying on the phone even though he can’t use it?”

Me: “Yes. You still owe $300 on it.”

Customer: “That’s outrageous! I’m not buying him a new phone. Cancel his line!”

Me: “Okay, sir. Although you have no contract therefore no early termination fee, your next bill will have a charge of $300 for the phone.”

Customer: “What?! What happened to paying it off monthly like I was told?”

Me: “As long as you have an active line you can pay it off monthly. You signed something that said the entire value of the phone is due immediately once service is canceled.”

Customer: “I will still have my line.”

Me: “The phone isn’t attached to your line. Yours is.”

Customer: “Well, don’t you all just HAVE ME BY THE BALLS. Y’ALL GOT ME BY THE BALLS!”

(He grabs all his stuff and starts to storm out.)

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Customer: “BY THE BALLS!”

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