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    That’s One Way To Get Your Goat

    | Colchester, England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m serving canapés at an outdoor wedding and approach a group of guests.)

    Me: “Would anyone like a canapé?”

    Guest: “What’s in them?”

    Me: “That’s a goat’s cheese tartlet with sun-brushed tomatoes.”

    Guest: “Oh, no, I won’t. I just don’t like goat’s cheese. No offence.”

    Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t actually make them but I’m sure the chef won’t mind!”

    Guest: “I didn’t mean any offence. I know you’re not a goat!”

    Me: “…Thank you, sir.”

    A Cup Is Over-Full Kind Of Person

    , | Oakville, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

    Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

    Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

    (I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

    Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

    Me: “…One per person.”

    (Pause…)

    Customer: “OHHH.”

    (Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

    If It’s So Easy, Do It Yourself

    | Connecticut, USA | Top

    (We get a phone call on a Thursday night in December, the busiest season in catering.)

    Customer: “May I speak to the owner?”

    Me: “This is the owner. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “NO, I mean the guy who is the owner.”

    Me: “That’s my husband. I’m sorry, he is busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I need a catering menu emailed.”

    Me: “I can certainly do that for you. When is your event?”

    Customer:¬†”Saturday.”

    Me: “This Saturday? Like two days from now?”

    Customer: ¬†”Yes.”

    Me: “Well, I apologize but we are completely booked for this Saturday.”

    Customer: “That’s why I wanted to talk to the other owner. I spoke to him two weeks ago and he said you were not booked.”

    Me: “We weren’t booked two weeks ago, but we are now.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve already sent out the invitations, and I need food for my party.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we are completely booked. We already have three large parties, and we just couldn’t possibly take on a fourth.”

    Customer: “Can you recommend another caterer?”

    Me: “Not really.¬†I’ve never used another caterer, so I can’t recommend one.”

    Customer: “Haven’t you ever been to a party catered by another caterer?”

    Me: “We’re caterers. We don’t go to parties. We work at other people’s parties. ¬†”

    Customer: “IT’S ONLY 25 PEOPLE!”

    Me: “Um… okay.”

    Customer: “You said you have three parties. Couldn’t you just make enough extra food for 25 people and come over and serve it?”

    Me: “You mean cater the party?”

    Customer: “No, just make some food and bring it over and serve it, and clean up afterwards. It’s fairly easy, isn’t it?”

    (I adore it when people tell me my 16 hour a day job is easy.)