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    Placebo Me, Part 5

    | Boonville, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a cocktail waitress and this happenes to be on a rather busy night. The customer has only taken one sip of their beer before handing it back to me.)

    Customer: “This beer is hot! Go get me one that’s cold. I can’t believe you are serving warm beer!”

    Me: “Sir, that beer has been on ice for an hour or two. It still has ice crystals on it. Are you sure it’s warm?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you think I’m lying!”

    (I apologize and take the beer back to the bar and refill my tray, never switching out said beer because it’s ice cold. I return to the customer and give him the same beer back.)

    Me: “Here you go! Sorry about that. I hope this one is colder.”

    (The customer takes the drink and tries it.)

    Customer: “This is much better! I hope you don’t have any more of those other beers back there. You should put all those in the back of the cooler!”

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 4
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    Non Sequitur, Part 2

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A customer sits down at my poker table. He is clearly high out of his mind.)

    Customer: “Hey, man, what’s your sign?”

    Me: “Uh…I’m a Leo. What’s yours?”

    (The customer thinks about this for a full minute.)

    Customer: “I’m a marshmallow.”

    You’re Supposed To Share The Wealth

    | Amsterdam, Netherlands |

    (I am sitting at the cash register where people can turn in chips for cash or other way around. A guy approaches.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I do for you?”

    Guest: “I want to take out a loan.”

    Me: “I am sorry, what do you mean?”

    Guest: “I want to take out a big loan so I can play and maybe buy a car.”

    Me: “This isn’t a bank, sir. This is a casino. We don’t do that.”

    Guest: “This can’t be. I know your company has loads of money. I want to borrow some. I will pay the tax or whatever.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t do loans. This isn’t a bank.”

    Guest: “This is bulls***! Money is money. What’s the difference if I borrow here or at the bank? I will pay it back. So what difference does it make? Don’t argue with me!”

    (I press the red button under my desk to call security.)

    Me: “A gentleman will be here in a second to work things out with you and your loan. Good day!”

    At Lagerheads

    | Mississippi, USA | Crazy Requests

    (A drunk guest comes down and wants their car but we refuse to give it to him because he is intoxicated. We call him a cab and ask if he needs his house key off his key ring.)

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. I might need that.”

    Me: “Okay, which one is it?”

    Customer: “It’s that black one right there.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s your car key. Which one is your house key?”

    Customer: “No, really. It’s that black one.”

    Me: “No…that’s your car key.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand, I made it universal. It opens everything in my house.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you everything but the car key. Have a nice night, sir.”

    Fake ID Is Always A Gamble

    | Mexico | Top

    (I’m a member of the security staff at a casino, and three men approach to me, one of them looking a little young.)

    Me: “Can I see some ID?”

    (The youngest one gives me an ID where it says he’s 22. I ask him how old he is just to check.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Customer: “17.” *pauses* “Ah, I f***ed up, didn’t I? I’ll just wait in the car.”

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