Make The Yule-tide Gay

| Folkestone, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I am browsing the Christmas cards. Next to me is a man also looking at the cards. He has two different ‘for my brother and his boyfriend at Christmas’ cards in his hand, deciding which one he wants. A woman walks past.)

Woman: “Disgusting! They shouldn’t sell such filthy cards in this shop!”

Man: “Um…”

Woman: “It’s a sin! Political correctness gone mad! They should NOT be promoting queers!”

Man: “Er…”

Woman: “What sort of thing does that say to my children?”

Man: “It would say that I would like to say ‘Merry Christmas’ to my brother and his wonderful boyfriend, whom the whole family adores, and it would teach them tolerance and understanding of others.”

Woman: “Well!” *storms off*

Man: *sweetly* “Merry Christmas!”

Aisle Never Stop Answering You

| USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a small card shop in a mall. It’s rather cramped and the aisles are difficult to navigate if there are many people in the store. Small note: There are two phones in the store; one in the office, one near the registers.)

Manager: “[Me], will you please put these cards back in their pockets?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I begin to walk to the proper space when an older customer stops me, smiling.)

Customer: “NOW what are you going to do?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “What happens if the phone rings and you can’t get past me to get it? Do you just let it ring?”

Me: “No, there is a phone near the registers.”

Customer: “What? Nuh-uh. There can’t be one up there!”

Me: “I believe there is still a phone up there, sir.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me!”

(I take the customer up to the registers and show him there is indeed another phone.)

Customer: “You smart alec! Why do you need two phones in a small store?!”

Me: “In case the store is full and we can’t reach the other in time.”

Customer: *quickly exits the store, defeated*

Manager: “What the heck just happened?!”

This Problem Has Been Addressed

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I haven’t been receiving my coupons in the mail! I want you to fix it!”

Me: “Okay. Let me look you up in our system.”

(The customer isn’t coming up under the phone number, last name, or zip code.)

Customer: “Oh. When I signed up, I didn’t put that info down.”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “I don’t want you guys mailing me junk!”

To Have And To Hang Up

| MD, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m speaking on the phone with my husband when a customer approaches me to check out. I don’t like to talk on the phone while with a customer, so I just hang up. My husband understands when this happens. He usually just waits for me to call back.)

Customer: “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt your call!”

Me: “It’s fine. It was just my husband. I’ll call him back.”

Customer: *gasps* “No! You never hang up on your husband! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you did that!” *turning to other customers in line* “She hung up on her husband! I can’t believe that!”

Me: “No, really, it’s okay. I’ve done it before. He understands when a customer comes to my register.”

Customer: *shouting* “You’ve done it before! Call him back right now and apologize!”

Me: “I’ll just call him after.”

Customer: “Now!”

(She waits for me to literally dial his number and say ‘I’m sorry for hanging up on you’. She wouldn’t let me finish until I told him I loved him and hung up.)

Customer: “See? That’s how you speak to him on the phone.”

(I finish up with her and she leaves smiling. When I finally call my husband back for real, he can not stop laughing at me.)

Tis The Pre-Season

| Westerville, OH, USA | Westerville, OH, USA | Holidays, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, are you all not releasing Christmas ornaments this year?”

Me: “No, we’re still going to be releasing them.”

Customer: “Well it’s awfully late. Are they delayed this year? They’re usually out by now.”

Me: “It’s June, sir. They’ll be out in July like always.”

Customer: “Oh my! It gets later and later every year.”

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