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    Aisle Never Stop Answering You

    | USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a small card shop in a mall. It’s rather cramped and the aisles are difficult to navigate if there are many people in the store. Small note: There are two phones in the store; one in the office, one near the registers.)

    Manager: “[Me], will you please put these cards back in their pockets?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I begin to walk to the proper space when an older customer stops me, smiling.)

    Customer: “NOW what are you going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “What happens if the phone rings and you can’t get past me to get it? Do you just let it ring?”

    Me: “No, there is a phone near the registers.”

    Customer: “What? Nuh-uh. There can’t be one up there!”

    Me: “I believe there is still a phone up there, sir.”

    Customer: “Prove it! Show me!”

    (I take the customer up to the registers and show him there is indeed another phone.)

    Customer: “You smart alec! Why do you need two phones in a small store?!”

    Me: “In case the store is full and we can’t reach the other in time.”

    Customer: *quickly exits the store, defeated*

    Manager: “What the heck just happened?!”

    This Problem Has Been Addressed

    | Annapolis, MD, USA |

    Customer: “I haven’t been receiving my coupons in the mail! I want you to fix it!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me look you up in our system.”

    (The customer isn’t coming up under the phone number, last name, or zip code.)

    Customer: “Oh. When I signed up, I didn’t put that info down.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you guys mailing me junk!”

    To Have And To Hang Up

    | MD, USA |

    (I’m speaking on the phone with my husband when a customer approaches me to check out. I don’t like to talk on the phone while with a customer, so I just hang up. My husband understands when this happens. He usually just waits for me to call back.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt your call!”

    Me: “It’s fine. It was just my husband. I’ll call him back.”

    Customer: *gasps* “No! You never hang up on your husband! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe you did that!” *turning to other customers in line* “She hung up on her husband! I can’t believe that!”

    Me: “No, really, it’s okay. I’ve done it before. He understands when a customer comes to my register.”

    Customer: *shouting* “You’ve done it before! Call him back right now and apologize!”

    Me: “I’ll just call him after.”

    Customer: “Now!”

    (She waits for me to literally dial his number and say ‘I’m sorry for hanging up on you’. She wouldn’t let me finish until I told him I loved him and hung up.)

    Customer: “See? That’s how you speak to him on the phone.”

    (I finish up with her and she leaves smiling. When I finally call my husband back for real, he can not stop laughing at me.)

    Tis The Pre-Season

    | Westerville, OH, USAWesterville, OH, USA | Holidays

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you all not releasing Christmas ornaments this year?”

    Me: “No, we’re still going to be releasing them.”

    Customer: “Well it’s awfully late. Are they delayed this year? They’re usually out by now.”

    Me: “It’s June, sir. They’ll be out in July like always.”

    Customer: “Oh my! It gets later and later every year.”

    Tries To Put His Foot Down But Just Draws Blanks

    | Vermont, USA |

    Customer: “I need a card.”

    Me: “Ok, what kind of card are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s for my brother-in-law. He just had his foot amputated.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. We have ‘get well soon’ cards right here.”

    Customer: “Well, he’s not really going to get better, is he?”

    Me: “Well, we do have sympathy cards over there.”

    Customer: “I don’t really like him.”

    Me: “What about a blank card? You could write your own message?”

    Customer: “You mean a card with nothing in it?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s what blank cards are.”

    Customer: “Well I’m not paying for that!” *leaves*