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    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 5

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work at a very popular car wash. On a busy day, we can reach a volume of over a thousand customers. We only have five vacuums, which are free during business hours, and $1.00 after close. Due to wet paint, we close one vacuum, which includes shutting the power to that individual vacuum off completely, posting signs on the vacuum AND on the trash can which we placed in front of it, and taping it off. Despite this, a customer attempts to use it anyway. It won’t turn on, so she walks up to the building.)

    Customer: “May I have change for a dollar?”

    Me: *knowing why she’s asking* “Of course, but are you needing change for a vacuum?”

    Customer: *points to the one that’s closed* “Yes! That vacuum won’t turn on!”

    Me: “That’s because it’s been shut off.”

    Customer: “But I need to vacuum out my car. I already parked there and got out and walked all the way over here!”

    Me: “There are signs that say it’s out of order.”

    Customer: “I didn’t see them!”

    Me: “You didn’t see that it’s been cordoned off, the trash can in front of it to prevent people from parking there, or the signs that state ‘Out of Order’?”

    Customer: “You know what?! I’ll go somewhere else!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 4
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    The Dumb And The Dubious

    | The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a car wash that often sees high-end vehicles such as Ferraris. In fact, we get so much people staring that we’d actually had to change our exit to the road as people always bunched up around the cars making exiting difficult. The exit is very well signed, with big white lines being drawn; not a single accident has happened. However, one day, someone in a very banged-up Volkswagen wants to save time by driving into the exit so he could get to the pump quicker, but drives straight into a brand new Ferrari.)

    Volkswagen Driver: “My car! Look at what you have done to my car!”

    Ferrari Driver: “Pardon me?!”

    Volkswagen Driver: “Look at what you have done to my car with your s*** Lamborghini!”

    Ferrari Driver: “First of all, this is a Ferrari. Secondly, I honestly can’t tell if the big dent in your car was there to begin with or not. Judging by the state of your vehicle, it must have been. But, seeing how you have damaged my vehicle, we are going to have a problem.”

    Volkswagen Driver: “Pssh. Your car isn’t worth half of mine! See the audio equipment in my baby, buddy? 500 Euros!”

    (The Ferrari driver gets on his phone as the Volkswagen driver continues to rant about how that ‘piece of s*** Porsche’ ruined his car. Sure enough, the police arrive and take statements. Once they take the Ferrari owner’s statement and review our security footage, the Volkswagen driver is blamed.)

    Volkswagen Driver: “F*** you, a**holes!” I’m not going to pay for that wreck!”

    Police Officer: “You certainly are, but we’ll discuss that on the station.”

    Volkswagen Driver: “Why?!”

    Police Officer: “Well, to start with, you’ve given us false details. Following that, you caused an accident and refused to settle this correctly whilst clearly being to blame. Following that, we have done a check on your vehicle and it’s uninsured. Also, you don’t have a licence and you’re wanted for two hit and runs.”

    (At that moment the Volkswagen driver starts to run. His mistake is trying to run past the Ferrari driver, who has been calm and collected through the whole ordeal. Without a single second thought, the Ferrari driver takes a swing at the Volkswagen driver; who gets hit in the stomach and collapses for the police officers to arrest him. We learn that the Volkswagen driver was put in jail for four years for various offences, while the Ferrari driver was let off with a warning.)

    More Than Just Your Car Needs Cleaning

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

    Me: “Hi, how are you today? Do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “Here you go. Do you all do any detailing here?”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t. I can recommend a place.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I just really need to get my car sodomized.”

    Me: “Sorry, what?”

    Manager: *walks in*

    Customer, to my manager: “Do you know a good sodomizer? It’s been ages since I had it done.”

    Manager: *walks out*

    The Offend-O-Bot 3000 Strikes Again

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Top

    (An old man walks into the lobby.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you doing?”

    Customer: “Everyone I can.”

    Me: “…”

    (The customer pulls out a cigar, lights it, then ashes it on the counter.)

    Me: “You can’t smoke a cigar in here.”

    Customer: “That’s what she said.”

    Me: “…”

    Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Sunny Side Up

    | East Windsor, NJ, USA |

    (A woman returns to our car wash with a scowl on her face, 15 minutes after leaving. Note that she drives a black Beetle and it’s been 80 degrees with sunny skies for the past week.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome back!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to speak with your owner please.”

    Me: “He’s having a conference call right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my car is still dirty.”

    Me: “Oh, did the mud not wash off the back?”

    Customer: “There was no mud. The egg didn’t wash off the roof of my car.”

    Me: “Um, someone egged you car? How long has the egg been there?”

    Customer: “A week or so, but thats not the point. It didn’t wash off!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked into your paint. It’s never going to wash off.”

    Customer: “What?! It’s just a f***ing egg! My car is not a g**d*** frying pan! It was some friends playing a joke… just wash it off!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the egg is baked on. You have to get it repainted. Whoever egged your car is no friend of yours.”

    (The customer suddenly gets very quiet and glares at me.)

    Customer: *whispers* “… Who have you been talking to?”

    (The customer points her finger at my face and begins to slowly back out the door. She then slowly sits in her car and drives off… without breaking her stare.)

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