Time For A Time-Out

| Maui, Hawaii, USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Can you tell me the name of the shopping complex that has the bus stop near you?”

Me: “Yes, just a moment while I look it up.”

Customer: “Can you ask someone near you?”

Me: “It’ll just take me a couple seconds to look it up. Just a moment, please.”

(I find it.)

Me: “It’s the [Name] shopping center.”

Customer: “I know you have someone there next to you. Can you please ask them?”

Me: “There is only me at the desk. There is no one else near me.”

Customer: “Please ask someone who lives there. I want to be sure.”

Me: “Let me put you on hold a moment.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer is then placed in time-out, also known as ‘hold,’ while I do a face-palm and practice some deep-breathing techniques. After about a minute, I return to the phone call.)

Me: “It’s [Name] shopping center.”

Customer: “Thank you so much for checking with someone; I appreciate it.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

He Might Need A Smart Car

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(A customer is waiting in line while I take care of renting a car for another customer. It takes about five minutes, and just as I am finishing up with him, the guy in line throws up his hands in frustration.)

Customer: “Ugh, this is taking forever! This isn’t that difficult, sweetheart!”

Me: “Be right with you. I’m almost done.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a premium member. I’m supposed to pick out my car and not even deal with you. Why the hell do I have to wait here?”

Me: “Oh, the premium members just go downstairs to pick out a car. You actually don’t have to wait for me.”

Customer: “It’d be nice if you had a f****** sign! Way to waste my time!”

Me: “Sir, you’re standing right next to a giant sign that says what I just told you.”

(Customer looks to his right, where there is indeed a giant, standing sign at eye level.)

Customer: “Oh, bet you think you’re so smart.” *stomps off*

Me: “That’s not exactly what I was thinking…”

Bugging Out About It

| NE, USA | Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(We always know in the summer rental cars will come back with lots of dead bugs on the front bumper and windshield. This was a joke we used frequently.)

Me: “Wow, looks like you hit a lot of bugs on the road out there!”

Customer: “Yeah. I was out on a lot of country roads.”

Me: “You know it’s a $1 per bug cleaning charge, right?”

Customer: *immediately irate, stands up in a huff* “THAT IS OUTRAGEOUS. I WILL NOT PAY THAT! I WANT TO SEE YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Whoa. Just a little joke, sir.”

Customer: *sitting down, still upset* “Well, that’s stupid. And not funny.

(I stopped telling the bug joke after that…)

Not A Hair Out Of Place

| Austin, TX, USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

(I work as a driver for a car rental office. I pick up customers from their homes, or from the local service centers and body shops, and return them to the same locations when they return the car. I am male and have worn my hair long for nearly ten years. During this trip, I am returning a customer home. His head is shaved. After making small talk for a few minutes, he asks a question.)

Customer: “So, why do you have your hair like that? You look like a f****** f**.”

Me: “Well, sir. I’ve been blessed with the ability to grow thick, healthy hair, so I grow it out, and once a year I cut it off and donate it to ‘Locks Of Love.’ They take it and make wigs for kids with cancer, who DON’T have the ability to grow their hair anymore thanks to chemo.”

(There is silence in the car for a few minutes.)

Customer: “Hey, I’m sorry about before. I actually lost my son to cancer a couple years ago. I shaved my head to match his, and I keep it shaved to remember him…”

Needs A Bridge To Reality

| Jamaica | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to rent a car, but can I drive it to the United States?”

Me: “Pardon? I don’t understand.”

Customer: “Can I drive the car back to the United States?”

Me: “How did you get to Jamaica?”

Customer: “I flew here, why?”

Me: “Didn’t you see the ocean underneath you from the airplane?”

Customer: “No, I slept the whole way here. Wait. What ocean?”

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