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  • Almost Makes You Want To Re-Tire

    | Virginia, USA |

    Customer: “They charged me $110 for working on my car?!”

    Me: “What did you have done?”

    Customer: “I just came because the car said service was needed on the car.”

    Me: “Yes, you got an oil change and tire rotation, state inspection and a car wash.”

    Customer: “Tire rotation? Aren’t they always like, rotating as I drive?”

    Me: “Yes, but the tires are removed and swapped, the tires on the rear are moved to the front, and the fronts to the rear. It’s to help the tires wear out evenly.”

    Customer: “They wear out?”

    Me: “Eventually, yes. They do.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I try to describe traction, friction, and the breakdown of soft compounds like tire tread over concrete.)

    Customer: *blank stare* “Isn’t my car pretty?”

    (As the customer leaves, they pull on the door about three times before they see the push sign.)

    Appointment With Stupidity

    | Sandy, UT, USA |

    Me: “Service Center, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need to make an appointment to get my oil changed.”

    Me: “Oh alright. Well, just so you know, you can come in whenever you are available during the week.”

    Customer: “So, Monday through Friday?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “So, wait…we don‚Äôt need an appointment?”

    Me: “Nope, just come right in!”

    Customer: “So, what your saying is we don‚Äôt need an appointment?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I dunno about that.”

    Me: “About what?”

    Customer: “Not having an appointment.”

    Me: “Well, do you want me to put you down for an appointment?”

    Customer: “You just said I didn‚Äôt need one!”

    Me: “Well, so you’re not so confused, I can put you in whatever slot you want.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll just go somewhere else!”

    All Geared Up But Nowhere To Tow

    | Davenport, IA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [car dealership]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I have an issue with my car not starting.”

    Me: “Alright, do you need a tow truck?”

    Customer: “No, I got it started but I still want it looked at.”

    Me: “Alright, you can bring it right in.”

    Customer: “Will you turn the car off when I get it there?”

    Me: “Yes, we will need to turn it off to work on it.”

    Customer: “But what if it doesn’t start again?”

    Me: “Well, we will fix it.”

    Customer: “Well, just to be safe I want you to fix it without turning the car off.”

    Me: “We can’t do that. That would be unsafe for our technicians.”

    Customer: “I don‚Äôt give a d*** about your technicians. If you can’t work on the car the way I want, I will call someone else!”

    Me: “Well I‚Äôm sorry, we cant do that.”

    Customer: “Fine!” (Hangs up.)

    Coworker: “So how long do you think she is going to leave her car running?”

    Too Bad It Doesn’t Run On Stupidity

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Top

    (This was before hybrid cars or electric cars were mainstream. A man called about his Lexus that just stopped working after a few days, so we had it towed back to the dealership.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what happened; the car just stopped while I was driving, and almost caused an accident because of you people!”

    Me: “OK, let’s take a look.”

    (I couldn’t find any obvious issue, and all the free mechanics were giving the car a full once-over, trying to figure out the problem.)

    Customer: “I spent tens of thousands on this car! How the he** can you sell anything that would crap out in 2 days?!”

    (Just then I noticed the gas gauge was on ‘Empty’. I put a little gas in the engine and started it up.)

    Customer: “What?! For that amount of money, with the technologies these days, you still need to use gas?!”

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