November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not On Par With An Emergency

| Perth, WA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

(This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

(I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

Demanding Understanding

| MI, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

(I work the front counter of the repair center. The customer coming to get her car is notorious for trying every trick in the book to not pay for repairs. Because she’s such a problem, she always gets a VERY generous discount.)

Me: “Okay, Mrs. [Name], that will be $150 today for installation and the interior detail.”

Customer: “I was only supposed to pay for a part. I’m only giving you $50.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you have to pay for the installation of the part, the taxes, and also your detail. How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “How would you like to pay? Cash, check, or charge?”

Customer: “What? What are you saying?!”

Me: “I’m saying you have to pay me.”


Me: “Well—”


(I scream right back at her.)


Customer: “…Do you take Visa?”

The Only Place You’ll Be Driven Is Crazy

| Macon, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

(I’m on the phone with a customer. I can hear kids running around and screaming in the background.)

Customer: “I talked to the man earlier. He said y’all do cars for five hundred down?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “What’s y’all… hold on a sec… *she yells at the kids making noise in the background* “QUIT THAT! I’M ON THE F***ING PHONE!” *back to me* “What do y’all need from me?”

Me: “Well, we ask for a pay stub as proof of income, a copy of your driver’s license, and some references.”

Customer: “Well, I do a daycare out of my home. That’s my job. Is that okay?”

No Need To Drive This Deal Home

| Illinois, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

(I have just brought a middle-aged couple back from a test drive. We are going over the price of the car.)

Me: “With your trade and money down, we’re looking at about $400 per month for the base model, and $440 per month fully-loaded.”

Husband: “But we only wanted to spend $500 to $550 or more per month!”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Wife: “Like he said, we’re looking to spend no more than $550.”

Me: “Well, yes. Even if you get the fully loaded model, it’s far under $500 per month.”

Husband: “NO! What part of ‘$500 per month’ don’t you understand?”

Me: “Not a problem, sir. I definitely think we can make the numbers work for you at $500 per.”

Wife: “Much better. We’ll take it, then!”

Please Put Your Brain Back In The Driver’s Seat

| Michigan, USA | Rude & Risque

(I’m a receptionist in the service area of a car dealership. I am calling a customer to let him know his vehicle is ready for pickup.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Just calling to let you know that your vehicle is all set.”

Customer: “And do you come with the car? You sound like a pretty little thing.”

Me: “Um, well, we’re open until 6 tonight, so if you want to come in and get your truck before then, that would be great.”

Customer: “I’m a dirty old man.”

Me: “Okay, then. Have a good day.” *hangs up*