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    The Only Place You’ll Be Driven Is Crazy

    | Macon, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I’m on the phone with a customer. I can hear kids running around and screaming in the background.)

    Customer: “I talked to the man earlier. He said y’all do cars for five hundred down?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What’s y’all… hold on a sec… *she yells at the kids making noise in the background* “QUIT THAT! I’M ON THE F***ING PHONE!” *back to me* “What do y’all need from me?”

    Me: “Well, we ask for a pay stub as proof of income, a copy of your driver’s license, and some references.”

    Customer: “Well, I do a daycare out of my home. That’s my job. Is that okay?”

    No Need To Drive This Deal Home

    | Illinois, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    (I have just brought a middle-aged couple back from a test drive. We are going over the price of the car.)

    Me: “With your trade and money down, we’re looking at about $400 per month for the base model, and $440 per month fully-loaded.”

    Husband: “But we only wanted to spend $500 to $550 or more per month!”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Wife: “Like he said, we’re looking to spend no more than $550.”

    Me: “Well, yes. Even if you get the fully loaded model, it’s far under $500 per month.”

    Husband: “NO! What part of ‘$500 per month’ don’t you understand?”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. I definitely think we can make the numbers work for you at $500 per.”

    Wife: “Much better. We’ll take it, then!”

    Please Put Your Brain Back In The Driver’s Seat

    | Michigan, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a receptionist in the service area of a car dealership. I am calling a customer to let him know his vehicle is ready for pickup.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Just calling to let you know that your vehicle is all set.”

    Customer: “And do you come with the car? You sound like a pretty little thing.”

    Me: “Um, well, we’re open until 6 tonight, so if you want to come in and get your truck before then, that would be great.”

    Customer: “I’m a dirty old man.”

    Me: “Okay, then. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

    This Car Is Past Its Break-in Period

    | New Jersey, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)

    Customer, to salesman: “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”

    Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”

    Salesman: “No.”

    (I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price-range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”

    Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

    Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

    Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

    (I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

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