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    Please Put Your Brain Back In The Driver’s Seat

    | Michigan, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a receptionist in the service area of a car dealership. I am calling a customer to let him know his vehicle is ready for pickup.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! Just calling to let you know that your vehicle is all set.”

    Customer: “And do you come with the car? You sound like a pretty little thing.”

    Me: “Um, well, we’re open until 6 tonight, so if you want to come in and get your truck before then, that would be great.”

    Customer: “I’m a dirty old man.”

    Me: “Okay, then. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

    This Car Is Past Its Break-in Period

    | New Jersey, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)

    Customer, to salesman: “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”

    Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”

    Salesman: “No.”

    (I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price-range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)

    Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”

    Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”

    You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Make

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly woman walks onto the lot from and begins asking me about a car.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “What can you tell me about this red car?”

    Me: “This is a 1999 Volvo V70.”

    Customer: “A Vulva! My grand-daughter has a vulva! Her boyfriend said he absolutely loves it!”

    (I unsuccessfully try to keep a straight face.)

    Me: “I’m sure he does, ma’am.”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

    Driving Home The Law

    | Flint, MI, USA |

    (A customer drives in to our car dealership.)

    Customer: “I am an important lawyer, and I have a big case this morning! When I arrived at court, I couldn’t get my very important paperwork out of the trunk! My remote isn’t working! I demand that you fix it!”

    Me: “That is very strange. So the key isn’t working either?”

    (The customer turns three different shades of red, gets back into her car, and drives away.)

    Hannibal On Line Two

    , | Falls Church, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of dealership].”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the body parts department?”

    Me: “Do you mean the body shop?”

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