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    She’s A Million Miles From Reality

    | Clovis, NM, USA | Transportation

    (I’m sitting in the back seat as a kid test drives a car, deciding if it would be a good fit for him while he’s at college. His mother is in the passenger seat.)

    Mother: “So, this car only has 6,000 miles on it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Mother: “That seems low for a three-year-old car.”

    Me: “I wasn’t here when they took this in trade, so I don’t know its story, but it is pretty low. That’s what makes it such a bargain!”

    Mother: “How do we know the odometer hasn’t rolled over once?”

    Me: “Um, it’s a six-digit odometer, ma’am.”

    Mother: “So?! What does that have to do with anything?”

    Kid: “Mom! Someone would have to drive it over a million miles!”

    Me: *jokingly* “And if it’s got 1,006,000 miles on it and still running, you know it’s reliable at least!”

    (They didn’t buy the car.)

    Got A Bad Deal(ership)

    | WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Woman: “I just got off the phone with the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card. You need to try running it again!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, who was your salesmen?”

    Woman: “What salesmen? I don’t know! Just try running my card again!”

    Me: “Ma’am, who were you working with?”

    Woman: “I was taking to the two ladies at the front desk.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to transfer you to them because I’m in a different building and am unaware of the situation.”

    Woman: “I don’t want to talk to them! They were rude and I could barely understand them! Can’t you just take my order?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without knowing who your salesmen is or what your customer is, I don’t have a way of looking up your information.”

    Woman: “What is wrong with you?! I don’t have a salesmen! I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I just want to order my f****** pizza or is that too hard for you?!”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Woman: “I called the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card! So you need to take my order again!”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Woman: “I don’t see why you can’t just take my d*** order over the phone. This isn’t that hard!”

    Me: “…ma’am!”

    Woman: “What?!”

    Me: “This is a car dealership.”

    Woman: “…what? Well, why the h*** didn’t you say that when you answered the phone?!”

    Me: “You mean like when I said ‘thank you for calling [Dealership]’…?”

    Woman: *click*

    An Oily Customer

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I was a cashier in the service department of a car dealership… nice cars, too. A customer’s oil change and miscellaneous service bill was almost $100.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir. Your total is $***.”

    Customer: “What’s included in this bill? It’s too much!”

    Me: “Sir, you signed the estimate prior to the service being done. Your signature is right here. The service advisor also went over this bill with you afterwards and explained everything that was done. I’m just the cashier. If you have anymore questions I can happily call the advisor to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, why do I have to pay these extra fees? What’s waste disposal? I don’t want to pay for that!”

    Me: “We are required to properly dispose of the oil waste from your service. You agreed to that charge prior to the service as well, sir. The total is still $***.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just have my oil back and I’ll throw it away myself?”

    Me: “Uh, no… No, you can’t.”

    Rust Or Bust

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work in a car dealership on the service drive. A customer pulls her car onto the drive, gets out, and walks up to my desk. I can see from the scowl on her face she is clearly angry.)

    Customer: “I JUST bought this new car last week and it is already rusting! I demand you give me a new car!”

    Me: “Okay, can you show me where the rust is?”

    (We walk to her car.)

    Customer: “See, right there on the door! THAT IS RUST!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that is just a little mud. Let me get a clean towel and I’ll get that right off for you.”

    Customer: “No, you are lying! You’re just going to paint it over! I know rust when I see it! I’m not stupid!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you it is not rust, and I will not put paint on it.”

    Customer: “Don’t you touch it! I demand to see the manager!”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

    (I come back with my manager after I explained the situation to him.)

    Customer: “See that… THAT RIGHT THERE! THAT’S RUST! I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME A NEW CAR! IT’S ONLY A WEEK OLD!”

    (My manager grabs a rag and puts it in his back pocket before walking out to speak to the customer. Without saying a word, he takes the rag out, leans down and wipes the mud off before the customer can say anything. The customer immediately gets down on her hands and knees to examine where the mud had been.)

    Manager: “There you go, ma’am. It was just a little spot of mud.”

    (The customer snatches the rag out of my manager’s hand.)

    Customer: “Let me see that! You just put paint over it!”

    (The customer examines the obviously clean and paint-free rag, then tosses it on the floor.)

    Customer: “You people need to make sure a car is clean before you deliver it to a customer! I am letting you people know you won’t get away with anything!”

    (The customer comes in regularly, and has complained similarly about MANY things on her car since, demanding a new car every time.)   

    Not On Par With An Emergency

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

    Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

    Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

    Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

    Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

    Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

    Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

    Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

    Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

    Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

    (This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

    Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

    Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

    (I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

    Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

    Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

    Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

    Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

    Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

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