November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Relatively Stupid

| Perth, WA, Australia | Liars & Scammers

Caller: “Hello, I was hoping to speak to [Boss]?”

Me: “Oh, he’s actually gone home for the day! Would you like me to take a message for him?”

Caller: “No. I’m a relative and it’s incredibly important I speak to him.”

Me: “Well, if you’re family, would you like me to put you through to [Boss’s son]?”

Caller: “Who?”

Making A Classic Mistake

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Time, Transportation

(It is the 50th anniversary of President Kennedy being assassinated and one of the local papers has reprinted their edition from that afternoon, complete with the actual advertisements that ran in the paper. A customer comes into our car dealership inquiring about one of the ads….)

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling about the ad I saw in [Newspaper] about the new [Car Model] from [Our Dealership] for only $3,000 and I’d like to get one.”

Me: “Sir, that is an ad in a special commemorative reprint from 1963. That offer is exactly 50 years old, to the day. It’s long expired.”

Customer: “This is false advertising! You’re offering cars for $3,000; you’d better give me one.”

Me: “Sir, if we get a 1963 [Car Model] in stock anytime soon, I’ll give you a call and sell it to you for $3,000, okay?”

Wish You Could Part Ways

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

Customer: *after complaining how dealers and garages are all out to take your money and burn you* “So you are telling me you cannot fix my car?”

Mechanic: “We can fix your car; we just do not have the parts.”

Customer: “Why do you not have the parts? It is a standard part!”

Mechanic: “We do not carry parts for your vehicle. Your car is [X brand]. We are a [Y dealership] and garage. Our parts are not for your vehicle.”

Customer: “But you are a garage!”

Mechanic: “Yes for [Y vehicles], so we stock only [Y vehicle] parts.”

Customer: “So you do not have my part?”

Mechanic: “No, but we can get it.”

Customer: “If you can get it, why do you not stock it?”

Mechanic: “Because are a [Y dealership] garage. Your car is an [X brand]. If you want the parts to be in stock you need to go to an [X dealership] garage.”

Customer: “But you can get the parts so you should stock them!”

Mechanic: “Look, when the [X dealership] garage opens and the parts stores open, we will make a few calls, find the part, and send a driver out to get it.”

Customer: “If you can get the parts you should stock them!”

Mechanic: “We do not stock parts for cars that are not [Y cars]. We are not a parts store or an [X vehicle] dealer.”

Customer: “So I guess you are going to screw me over and make me wait until other stores open so you can get a part you should have in stock.”

Mechanic: “As soon as we can we will get to work or you can take your car to an [X dealer].”

Customer: “Fix it. OH, and I have a coupon.”

Mechanic: “We cannot accept it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Mechanic: “Because it is for [Y vehicles] only. See it says right here. “Valid for [Y vehicles].”

Customer: “So you will not stock my parts and you will not accept a coupon!”

Mechanic: “…”

Customer: “So can you fix my car?”

Mechanic: “As soon as we get the part here which may be an hour or two.”

Customer: “You really need to keep my parts in stock!”

Mechanic: “Sir, we are not a… Forget it. Just have a seat; you will be called when it is ready.”

H2-Slow, Part 10

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work at a car dealership which operates an automatic car wash that is free to people who have purchased a vehicle. One extremely cold winter day, a young woman in an SUV stops near me with a question.)

Woman: “Hey, why isn’t the car wash open?”

Me: “Sorry, miss, the wash closes when it’s this cold out because the wash doesn’t dry the cars. When the cars come out wet, the water freezes on the way home and folks often get their doors and windows frozen shut.”

Woman: “That doesn’t make any f****** sense! Don’t they use HOT water?!”

Me: “…Are you under the impression that hot water can’t freeze?”

Woman: “Whatever.”  *drives off*

H2Slow, Part 9
H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7

A Speedy Resolution

| VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

(Working at a used car lot, I receive the following phone call:)

Customer: “I bought a car from you guys, and it has a vibration at 80 miles per hour, can you tell me what’s causing that?”

Me: “What is the vehicle in question sir?”

Customer: “A 2004 [Car].”

Me: “Sir, a slight vibration at high speed is normal in an 11 year old vehicle. Nothing is ‘causing’ it.”

Customer: “You don’t understand. I just want to know what’s causing the vibration in my car at 75, 80 miles per hour.”

Me: “Sir, is there any vibration at lower speeds?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Sir, that is normal operation for that vehicle.”

Customer: “So,what might be causing this vibration?”

Me: “…Sir, where in the state of Virginia are you finding a road with a speed limit of 80 miles per hour?”

Customer: “What? What does that have to do with my vibration?”

Me: “Sir, you are asking me to fix a problem that is occurring when you are operating your vehicle in an illegal fashion. You’ve already told me that there is no vibration at lower speeds, and the vibration only occurs when you violate the speed limit laws. I can’t very well fix a problem I can’t duplicate, and since our technicians don’t test drive customers’ vehicles at illegal speeds, I will never find the issue you’re describing.”

Customer: “Tell [Salesman] to call me.” *click*

Page 1/612345...Last