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    A Speedy Resolution

    | VA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Transportation

    (Working at a used car lot, I receive the following phone call:)

    Customer: “I bought a car from you guys, and it has a vibration at 80 miles per hour, can you tell me what’s causing that?”

    Me: “What is the vehicle in question sir?”

    Customer: “A 2004 [Car].”

    Me: “Sir, a slight vibration at high speed is normal in an 11 year old vehicle. Nothing is ‘causing’ it.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. I just want to know what’s causing the vibration in my car at 75, 80 miles per hour.”

    Me: “Sir, is there any vibration at lower speeds?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Sir, that is normal operation for that vehicle.”

    Customer: “So,what might be causing this vibration?”

    Me: “…Sir, where in the state of Virginia are you finding a road with a speed limit of 80 miles per hour?”

    Customer: “What? What does that have to do with my vibration?”

    Me: “Sir, you are asking me to fix a problem that is occurring when you are operating your vehicle in an illegal fashion. You’ve already told me that there is no vibration at lower speeds, and the vibration only occurs when you violate the speed limit laws. I can’t very well fix a problem I can’t duplicate, and since our technicians don’t test drive customers’ vehicles at illegal speeds, I will never find the issue you’re describing.”

    Customer: “Tell [Salesman] to call me.” *click*

    What A Total Dipstick

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (The customer pulls up on the service drive. She is driving a brand new car. She does not bother being polite, instead gets out of the car screaming.)

    Customer: “This car is a lemon; I’m gonna sue you all!

    (Her car is pouring oil on the drive. The service advisor goes over, she shuts it off, and he opens the hood and goes to check the oil. There is no dipstick.)

    Service Advisor: “Where is the dipstick?”

    Customer: *smugly* “I put it in the trunk so I don’t lose it.”

    She’s A Million Miles From Reality

    | Clovis, NM, USA | Transportation

    (I’m sitting in the back seat as a kid test drives a car, deciding if it would be a good fit for him while he’s at college. His mother is in the passenger seat.)

    Mother: “So, this car only has 6,000 miles on it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Mother: “That seems low for a three-year-old car.”

    Me: “I wasn’t here when they took this in trade, so I don’t know its story, but it is pretty low. That’s what makes it such a bargain!”

    Mother: “How do we know the odometer hasn’t rolled over once?”

    Me: “Um, it’s a six-digit odometer, ma’am.”

    Mother: “So?! What does that have to do with anything?”

    Kid: “Mom! Someone would have to drive it over a million miles!”

    Me: *jokingly* “And if it’s got 1,006,000 miles on it and still running, you know it’s reliable at least!”

    (They didn’t buy the car.)

    Got A Bad Deal(ership)

    | WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership]. This is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Woman: “I just got off the phone with the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card. You need to try running it again!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, who was your salesmen?”

    Woman: “What salesmen? I don’t know! Just try running my card again!”

    Me: “Ma’am, who were you working with?”

    Woman: “I was taking to the two ladies at the front desk.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to transfer you to them because I’m in a different building and am unaware of the situation.”

    Woman: “I don’t want to talk to them! They were rude and I could barely understand them! Can’t you just take my order?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without knowing who your salesmen is or what your customer is, I don’t have a way of looking up your information.”

    Woman: “What is wrong with you?! I don’t have a salesmen! I don’t know what you’re talking about, and I just want to order my f****** pizza or is that too hard for you?!”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Woman: “I called the bank and there is nothing wrong with my card! So you need to take my order again!”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Woman: “I don’t see why you can’t just take my d*** order over the phone. This isn’t that hard!”

    Me: “…ma’am!”

    Woman: “What?!”

    Me: “This is a car dealership.”

    Woman: “…what? Well, why the h*** didn’t you say that when you answered the phone?!”

    Me: “You mean like when I said ‘thank you for calling [Dealership]’…?”

    Woman: *click*

    An Oily Customer

    | MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I was a cashier in the service department of a car dealership… nice cars, too. A customer’s oil change and miscellaneous service bill was almost $100.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir. Your total is $***.”

    Customer: “What’s included in this bill? It’s too much!”

    Me: “Sir, you signed the estimate prior to the service being done. Your signature is right here. The service advisor also went over this bill with you afterwards and explained everything that was done. I’m just the cashier. If you have anymore questions I can happily call the advisor to help you.”

    Customer: “Well, why do I have to pay these extra fees? What’s waste disposal? I don’t want to pay for that!”

    Me: “We are required to properly dispose of the oil waste from your service. You agreed to that charge prior to the service as well, sir. The total is still $***.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just have my oil back and I’ll throw it away myself?”

    Me: “Uh, no… No, you can’t.”

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