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    Rust Or Bust

    | IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work in a car dealership on the service drive. A customer pulls her car onto the drive, gets out, and walks up to my desk. I can see from the scowl on her face she is clearly angry.)

    Customer: “I JUST bought this new car last week and it is already rusting! I demand you give me a new car!”

    Me: “Okay, can you show me where the rust is?”

    (We walk to her car.)

    Customer: “See, right there on the door! THAT IS RUST!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that is just a little mud. Let me get a clean towel and I’ll get that right off for you.”

    Customer: “No, you are lying! You’re just going to paint it over! I know rust when I see it! I’m not stupid!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you it is not rust, and I will not put paint on it.”

    Customer: “Don’t you touch it! I demand to see the manager!”

    Me: “Sure. I’ll be right back.”

    (I come back with my manager after I explained the situation to him.)

    Customer: “See that… THAT RIGHT THERE! THAT’S RUST! I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME A NEW CAR! IT’S ONLY A WEEK OLD!”

    (My manager grabs a rag and puts it in his back pocket before walking out to speak to the customer. Without saying a word, he takes the rag out, leans down and wipes the mud off before the customer can say anything. The customer immediately gets down on her hands and knees to examine where the mud had been.)

    Manager: “There you go, ma’am. It was just a little spot of mud.”

    (The customer snatches the rag out of my manager’s hand.)

    Customer: “Let me see that! You just put paint over it!”

    (The customer examines the obviously clean and paint-free rag, then tosses it on the floor.)

    Customer: “You people need to make sure a car is clean before you deliver it to a customer! I am letting you people know you won’t get away with anything!”

    (The customer comes in regularly, and has complained similarly about MANY things on her car since, demanding a new car every time.)   

    Not On Par With An Emergency

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (I’m a receptionist for a car dealership with repair departments as well as sales. Only sales are open on a Saturday, with all repairs locked up over the weekend.)

    Me: “Good morning! This is [Business Name]. How can I help you?

    Caller: *sounding flustered and upset* “Thank God. Put me onto service.”

    Me: “The service department is actually closed on the weekend. Can I take a message for Monday?”

    Caller: “No, you don’t understand. My car got brought in yesterday and I need to get my things out.”

    Me: “Did you arrange anything with the staff during the week? Maybe they left it at reception for you.”

    Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

    Me: “Oh. Well. It will have to wait until Monday. Everything is locked up to keep the cars and contents safe.”

    Caller: “Don’t you understand? This is urgent! Can’t you unlock it for me?”

    Me: “I don’t have the keys. Only the managers of that department do.”

    Caller: “Well, why the h*** are they closed? Make them come to work to open everything up!”

    Me: “I can’t do that, sir. This is their time off.”

    Caller: “But this is an EMERGENCY!”

    (This goes on for sometime, and the caller is getting more and more upset. I figure it must be really important to cause such a fuss – something like medicine, or formula for a small child.)

    Me: “Tell you what. Give me your number and I’ll try and sort something out.”

    Caller: “Thank you! This is so important. This is an emergency. You need to get someone in.”

    (I try to sort it out, but I can’t. He’s going to have to wait until Monday. I call him back.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this [Name]? I’m so sorry, but it’s completely impossible.”

    Caller: “But it’s an emergency!”

    Me: “I know. I’m sorry, but no one here has the keys and none of the managers can come in.”

    Caller: “Do you realise how urgent this is? I am going to have to use the RENTAL CLUBS.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I am going golfing with friends today at [ludicrously expensive golf course]! Do you know how embarrassing it will be for me to use rental clubs?”

    Me: “You mean to tell me you wanted me to get managers, who work thirteen-hour days all week, to come in because you don’t want to use RENTED GOLF CLUBS?”

    Caller: “You see!? It’s an emergency!”

    Demanding Understanding

    | MI, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money, Themed Giveaway, Transportation

    (I work the front counter of the repair center. The customer coming to get her car is notorious for trying every trick in the book to not pay for repairs. Because she’s such a problem, she always gets a VERY generous discount.)

    Me: “Okay, Mrs. [Name], that will be $150 today for installation and the interior detail.”

    Customer: “I was only supposed to pay for a part. I’m only giving you $50.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, you have to pay for the installation of the part, the taxes, and also your detail. How would you like to pay?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “How would you like to pay? Cash, check, or charge?”

    Customer: “What? What are you saying?!”

    Me: “I’m saying you have to pay me.”

    Customer:“WHAT? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING!”

    Me: “Well—”

    Customer: “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

    (I scream right back at her.)

    Me: “HOW ARE YOU PAYING YOUR $150!? I HAVE YOUR KEYS AND YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING THEM UNTIL I GET PAYMENT!”

    Customer: “…Do you take Visa?”

    The Only Place You’ll Be Driven Is Crazy

    | Macon, GA, USA | Family & Kids, Money, Transportation

    (I’m on the phone with a customer. I can hear kids running around and screaming in the background.)

    Customer: “I talked to the man earlier. He said y’all do cars for five hundred down?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “What’s y’all… hold on a sec… *she yells at the kids making noise in the background* “QUIT THAT! I’M ON THE F***ING PHONE!” *back to me* “What do y’all need from me?”

    Me: “Well, we ask for a pay stub as proof of income, a copy of your driver’s license, and some references.”

    Customer: “Well, I do a daycare out of my home. That’s my job. Is that okay?”

    No Need To Drive This Deal Home

    | Illinois, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    (I have just brought a middle-aged couple back from a test drive. We are going over the price of the car.)

    Me: “With your trade and money down, we’re looking at about $400 per month for the base model, and $440 per month fully-loaded.”

    Husband: “But we only wanted to spend $500 to $550 or more per month!”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Wife: “Like he said, we’re looking to spend no more than $550.”

    Me: “Well, yes. Even if you get the fully loaded model, it’s far under $500 per month.”

    Husband: “NO! What part of ‘$500 per month’ don’t you understand?”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. I definitely think we can make the numbers work for you at $500 per.”

    Wife: “Much better. We’ll take it, then!”


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