(I work as a receptionist at my local dealership answering the phones.)

Caller: “I need to have my car towed to your dealership. Do you have a service for that, or one that you can recommend?”

Me: “We do, but it’s expensive. Can you tell me more about the problem so we can try and help you before resorting to that?”

Caller: “Oh, sure! Well, I think my key remote is dead, so I can’t unlock my car. Because I can’t unlock it, I can’t get anywhere! This is my only car, and I rely on it. I need to get it unlocked as soon as possible.”

Me: “Ma’am, have you tried putting the key into the keyhole on the door?”

Caller: “What? Cars still have that? I don’t think mine does, but I’ll go check.”

(About a minute passes…)

Caller: “Oh, my God! You’re my hero! It totally worked! Thank you so much!”

(I am 16. I work in a car dealership’s customer service department on weekends.)

Me: “Service department, [name] speaking, how may I help you?”

(An elderly customer answers.)

Customer: “I’m having a hard time finding your dealership. Can someone give me directions?”

Me: “Sure, can you tell me where you are now?”

(I begin giving her directions when she interrupts me.)

Customer: “No, I need someone else to give me directions.”

Me: “I know exactly where you are, and it’s very easy to get here. All you have to do is—”

Customer: “No. No, I need a man to give me directions.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I need a man to give me directions.”

Me: “Okay, just give me a moment.”

(I page my male co-worker, but he is busy with another customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but he’s busy. Can I give you directions now?”

Customer: “No, I need to speak to a man. I’ll wait.”

(I go talk to another co-worker and explain the situation. He answers the phone and gives her directions. Twenty minutes later, she arrives.)

Me: “Good afternoon.”

Customer: “Ugh, I had the hardest time getting here.”

Me: “Oh, really? Which way did you go?”

(She explains.)

Me: “If I were you I would have gone this way…”

(I once again explain the exact same directions I gave to her on the phone.)

Customer: “Well, that would have been so much easier! I wish I had gotten you on the phone!”

Me: “Actually, you did. Please help yourself to a complimentary beverage.”

(The lady blushes and then hurries to our waiting room.)

(My uncle is gay, but isn’t flamboyant. He works as a service advisor at a car dealership. He is scheduling an appointment for an elderly customer.)

Uncle: “Alright, so if you come in next week, we can fix your car. However, I am going to be on vacation next week, so you’ll need to see [other service advisor].

Customer: “Ah, that’s alright. Where are you heading to?”

Uncle: “I’m going to Cape Cod.”

Customer: “Well, be careful up there.”

Uncle: “Why?”

Customer: “Cause up there’s Queersville.”

Uncle: “Uh… excuse me?!”

Customer: “Queersville; it’s full of f**s!”

Uncle: *calmly* “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend, cause he sure hates f**s!”

Customer: *turns pales and leaves*

Related:
On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part