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    The Key To All Their Problems

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A customer drops his car off to do a trade-in, and will be meeting me later to finalize the paperwork. I go to his car to check the mileage, and find that it’s locked. I go back inside to get the keys.)

    Me: “The guy’s car is locked. Did he happen to leave his keys with any of you?”

    Coworker: “No, why don’t you try calling him?”

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, sir, we have your car here. I was trying to get in and it’s locked. Where did you put your keys?”

    Customer: *optimistically* “Oh! They’re in the car.”

    No Common Scents, Part 3

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Bizarre, Technology, Transportation

    (I work in the call center, making bookings for vehicle maintenance. I have just booked the customer in for a service.)

    Me: “Is there anything else you would like us to take a look at while your vehicle is with us?”

    Customer: “Yes, last weekend I took a load of rubbish to the dump and the car smelt funny, but the smell was gone after a couple of days. Could you get the guys to take a look?”

    Me: “So, you transported rubbish in your car and that made your car smell, but the smell has now gone, and you would like us to look into that?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “…Not a problem.”

    Related:
    No Common Scents, Part 2
    No Common Scents

    Had The Key All Along

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (I work as a receptionist at my local dealership answering the phones.)

    Caller: “I need to have my car towed to your dealership. Do you have a service for that, or one that you can recommend?”

    Me: “We do, but it’s expensive. Can you tell me more about the problem so we can try and help you before resorting to that?”

    Caller: “Oh, sure! Well, I think my key remote is dead, so I can’t unlock my car. Because I can’t unlock it, I can’t get anywhere! This is my only car, and I rely on it. I need to get it unlocked as soon as possible.”

    Me: “Ma’am, have you tried putting the key into the keyhole on the door?”

    Caller: “What? Cars still have that? I don’t think mine does, but I’ll go check.”

    (About a minute passes…)

    Caller: “Oh, my God! You’re my hero! It totally worked! Thank you so much!”

    A Directionless Conversation

    | Canada | Bigotry, Transportation

    (I am 16. I work in a car dealership’s customer service department on weekends.)

    Me: “Service department, [name] speaking, how may I help you?”

    (An elderly customer answers.)

    Customer: “I’m having a hard time finding your dealership. Can someone give me directions?”

    Me: “Sure, can you tell me where you are now?”

    (I begin giving her directions when she interrupts me.)

    Customer: “No, I need someone else to give me directions.”

    Me: “I know exactly where you are, and it’s very easy to get here. All you have to do is—”

    Customer: “No. No, I need a man to give me directions.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I need a man to give me directions.”

    Me: “Okay, just give me a moment.”

    (I page my male co-worker, but he is busy with another customer.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but he’s busy. Can I give you directions now?”

    Customer: “No, I need to speak to a man. I’ll wait.”

    (I go talk to another co-worker and explain the situation. He answers the phone and gives her directions. Twenty minutes later, she arrives.)

    Me: “Good afternoon.”

    Customer: “Ugh, I had the hardest time getting here.”

    Me: “Oh, really? Which way did you go?”

    (She explains.)

    Me: “If I were you I would have gone this way…”

    (I once again explain the exact same directions I gave to her on the phone.)

    Customer: “Well, that would have been so much easier! I wish I had gotten you on the phone!”

    Me: “Actually, you did. Please help yourself to a complimentary beverage.”

    (The lady blushes and then hurries to our waiting room.)

    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part 3

    | TN, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Top

    (My uncle is gay, but isn’t flamboyant. He works as a service advisor at a car dealership. He is scheduling an appointment for an elderly customer.)

    Uncle: “Alright, so if you come in next week, we can fix your car. However, I am going to be on vacation next week, so you’ll need to see [other service advisor].

    Customer: “Ah, that’s alright. Where are you heading to?”

    Uncle: “I’m going to Cape Cod.”

    Customer: “Well, be careful up there.”

    Uncle: “Why?”

    Customer: “Cause up there’s Queersville.”

    Uncle: “Uh… excuse me?!”

    Customer: “Queersville; it’s full of f**s!”

    Uncle: *calmly* “Thank you for warning me. I’ll be sure to tell my boyfriend, cause he sure hates f**s!”

    Customer: *turns pales and leaves*

    Related:
    On The Straight And Narrow (Minded), Part