Customer: “You don’t have any candy apples?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we only make them on Fridays and they usually sell out before the weekend is over.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you get that question a lot?”

Me: “… yes.”

Customer: “I bet you get sick of it, don’t you? I bet you’re thinking, ‘B***, you see candy apples?’”

Me: *laughs*

(Sometimes, the customer is right!)

(I worked at a candy store in an area with a high population of tourists. We have a DVD constantly playing that shows them how the candy is made, obviously pre-recorded.)

Tourist Lady: “Ooh, is that the actual factory?”

Boss: “Actually, it’s a live satellite feed. They’re making that candy right now.”

Tourist Lady: “Fancy!”

(This is a DVD movie with edits and transitions, clearly playing on a Samsung DVD player. Oh, tourists, how I loathe thee.)

Me: “We’ve got a special offer on chocolate at the moment, if you’re interested at all?”

Customer: “Chocolate?! You know what? I will have some. I hope you’re happy. I mean, honestly…why do you think I have a weight problem, let alone the rest of the world?”

Me: “Sir, I didn’t say you had to buy it…”

Customer: “Well no, you didn’t, but I’m not going to turn down a special offer, am I?”

Me: “Would you like me to offer you a health bar instead?”

Customer: “No, I’ll take two chocolate bars.”