(This is a call from me to a customer who owns a candy store, regarding an order they placed for a candy-making mix. We had the wrong expiration date for their credit card. Please note that this order is marked as being needed in a rush.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [candy supply company].”

Woman: “We’re not interested!” *hangs up*

(I call back.)

Woman: “Hello, [candy store].”

Me: “Hi, this is [name] again. I think there was a misunderstanding. We’re calling about an order you already placed.”

Woman: *scoffs* “Really…”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. [Candy store owner] called and put in an order this morning for candy mix, but we must not have heard the expiration date correctly.”

Woman: “So, you call saying we ordered something, and you want me to just give you a credit card number?”

Me: “No, we have the number. We just need to check the expiration date. Is [candy store owner] there?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “Okay, could I leave a message for him that we won’t be able to send out your candy mix without getting the correct expiration date?”

Woman: “We’re a homemade candy company. What makes you assume we use a mix for our candy?”

Me: “Because we sell it to you.”

Woman: “We make our candy homemade. We’re not interested in buying yours. How dare you suggest we make it from a mix?!”

Me: “Ma’am, a lot of places label their candy homemade, even when they make it from a mix. I can cancel the order if you’d like, but I’d prefer to speak to [candy store owner] before I do.”

Woman: “He’s not here, and I’m sure as h*** not giving you any credit card information. It’s a f***ing scam!”

(The woman hangs up again. About a week later, I get a call from the man who owns the store.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [owner] from [candy store]. I was calling to see where my order was.”

Me: “We tried to get in touch with you about having the wrong expiration date on the credit card the same day you placed the order. The woman I spoke to told me you would me making the candy from scratch and were no longer interested in the order, so I canceled it.”

Owner: “****! I’m gonna kill her!”

(A lady walks in with her 11-year-old son. He is being very mouthy to her, mouthy to her friend that is with them. He even glares at me when I tell him he can not eat of our bulk candy bins. They finally come up to the counter to pay for their candy, but he is still saying horrible things to his mother. She is looking very upset by this point.)

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer’s Son: “Shut up!”

Me: “You know, if my son talked to me that way—”

Customer’s Son: “You’d what, b****?”

Me: “I’d probably hogtie him and throw him into his room.”

Customer: *laughs*

Customer’s Son: “B****, you wouldn’t be standing!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh? How you figure that?”

Customer’s Son: “Because you’re a woman, and women are weak.”

Customer: *to her son* “Oh my God, are you serious?! You are NOT visiting your father anymore!”

Customer’s Son: *to me* “Now get me an Icee, b****.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure my weak woman’s hands can make it for you!”

Customer: *laughing, to me* “Thank you!” *to her son* “Now, let’s go. I’m not buying you anything!”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer’s Son: *flips me off*

Customer: *smacks him*

Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

1. Ah, Children:
   A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
   When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
   Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
   Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
   When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

(A customer and his four-year old daughter are checking out.)

Me: “Would you like anything else?”

(The customer looks at the lollipop stand on the counter, then looks down at his daughter.)

Customer, to child: “What would you like?”

Child: “A BMW!”

Related:
They Grow Up So Fast

(A man comes to my register with a mint chocolate candy bar.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “Can you break a $100 bill?”

Me: “Actually, I can’t. We just opened and I haven’t gone to the bank today.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Do you know anywhere I can get change? I need this candy right away!”

(At this point I notice his panicked look. Coupled with the fact that he’s buying the most unappetizing candy in the store, I jump to a conclusion.)

Me: “Sir, these aren’t for you, are they?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Did your pregnant wife send you out at 8 in the morning to buy this candy?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “For the love of God, man! Get these home to her before you’re in even more trouble! You can come back and pay me later!”

(The customer bolts out the door. He later came back, visibly calmer, and paid.)