From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

| Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

Me: “What’s what?”

Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

Me: “You mean your skirt?”

Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

Related:
From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
From The Mouth Of Babes

Blood Must Run Thick In Their Family

| Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids

(I am calling a mother about her 3-year-old son, who is exhibiting signs of pink-eye.)

Me: “I’m calling from [camp name] about your son.”

Customer: “Oh no, is he all right?”

Me: “Well, there seems to be something wrong with his eye. It’s swollen and he hasn’t been able to stop itching it, and it’s very red and inflamed.”

Customer: “Is he bleeding?”

Me: “Well, no. But I think it might be a good idea to pick him up and maybe take him to your family doctor.”

Customer: “So he’s not bleeding?”

Me: *pause* “No. But these symptoms can sometimes be indicators of something serious and often contagious. I really think you should come get him.”

Customer: “Why are you calling me if he’s not bleeding?”

A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

| Prince Edward Island, Canada |

Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?”

Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

Customer: ¬†”What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes, have a great night.”

Related:
A Nation Of Size Queens

He Wants What He Wants

| Michigan, USA |

Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

Camper: “So I can get one?”

Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup or cone.”

Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

Camper: *nods*

Me: “So what are you getting?”

Camper: “A root beer float.”

Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush

| Oregon, USA |

(My boss spent 35 years in the Army, and it shows.  He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)

Boss, to camper: “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”

Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”

Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”

Camper, to me: “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”

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