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  • From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

    | Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

    Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

    Me: “You mean your skirt?”

    Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

    Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

    Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    Blood Must Run Thick In Their Family

    | Austin, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am calling a mother about her 3-year-old son, who is exhibiting signs of pink-eye.)

    Me: “I’m calling from [camp name] about your son.”

    Customer: “Oh no, is he all right?”

    Me: “Well, there seems to be something wrong with his eye. It’s swollen and he hasn’t been able to stop itching it, and it’s very red and inflamed.”

    Customer: “Is he bleeding?”

    Me: “Well, no. But I think it might be a good idea to pick him up and maybe take him to your family doctor.”

    Customer: “So he’s not bleeding?”

    Me: *pause* “No. But these symptoms can sometimes be indicators of something serious and often contagious. I really think you should come get him.”

    Customer: “Why are you calling me if he’s not bleeding?”

    A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2

    | Prince Edward Island, Canada |

    Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?”

    Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”

    Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”

    Customer: “Are you crazy?! It’s 28 degrees!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s in degrees Celsius.”

    Customer: ¬†”What do you mean Celsius? Is that like the number on the thermometer? Are your thermometers smaller in Canada? Is that why it’s 28?”

    Me: *gives up* “Yes, have a great night.”

    Related:
    A Nation Of Size Queens

    He Wants What He Wants

    | Michigan, USA |

    Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

    Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

    Camper: “So I can get one?”

    Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup or cone.”

    Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

    Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

    Camper: *nods*

    Me: “So what are you getting?”

    Camper: “A root beer float.”

    Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

    The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush

    | Oregon, USA |

    (My boss spent 35 years in the Army, and it shows.  He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)

    Boss, to camper: “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”

    Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”

    Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”

    Camper, to me: “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”

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