November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not What The Doctor Ordered

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(In one week we are hosting a benefit dinner to set up a scholarship fund helping underprivileged kids go to summer camp. It is my job to take reservations, which have been closed for a week. I take a phone call.)

Me: “[Business]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. This is Doctor [Name]. I would like three tickets to the dinner.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately ticket sales closed a week ago. We had to give final numbers to the caterer and—”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I’m a doctor and I know the speaker. She and my daughter went to college together.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but the speaker knew when ticket sales closed and she never mentioned—”

Customer: “But I’m a doctor! And I know the speaker!”

Me: “Congratulations, ma’am. But we’ve turned the numbers in—”

Customer: “You’ll just have to tell them you have three more guests. What time is the dinner? We will be coming.”

Me: “I can’t—”

Customer: “You will tell them. I know the speaker.”

Me: *sigh* “I will talk to our director and see what I can do but—”

Customer: “Good. My name is Doctor [Name] and I know the speaker.”

(The caller proceeds to give me all of her contact information. I talk to my boss a few hours later and she reluctantly agrees to sell tickets to the woman because we ordered more meals than necessary for this exact reason. I am getting ready to call the woman back when the phone rings and I answer it.)

Customer: “This is Doctor [Name] and you said you would talk to your— whoever it is —and make sure we get tickets. We will be coming. I know the speaker.”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, ma’am. We have extra plates available and we have your name on the reservation list for three tickets.”

Customer: “Good. See, this is how you treat a doctor. Now, what is my discount for knowing the speaker?”

Me: “You don’t get a discount.”

Customer: “Of course I do; I’m a doctor and I know the speaker.”

Me: “Ma’am, everyone pays the same ticket price. We have everyone from doctors, engineers, nurses, janitors, and camp counselors coming to this dinner and they all reserved their seats before the deadline and are all paying the same ticket price. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Ugh! Fine! But I won’t give you people a dime more for whatever it is you’re doing, you hear me?”

Me: “Yes, doctor.”

(She was just as rude and egotistical when I met her in person, still making sure to let me know she was a doctor and more important than anyone. And she made good on her promise to not give anything to the scholarship fund for children.)

Somehow, The Great Indoors Doesn’t Have The Same Ring To It

| Newfoundland, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in a small checkpoint building at a campground. It acts as sort of a front desk for the campground. The building being very small, it gets very hot in the summer and has windows on all four sides of it. Three sides for ventilation, with one wicket for serving customers.)

Customer: *pulls up in an RV* “Yeah, I want a campsite for the night.” *holds out cash*

Me: “Sure, we have lots of availability. Can you come around to the front window here? This one is only for fresh air, and I can’t remove the fly screen.”

Customer: “You mean come OUT? Like OUTDOORS?” *gets panicky* “Like, where there are bugs, and dirt, and pollen?!”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t serve anyone through that window. I need you to get out and come around to this one.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I can’t do that! I think I’ll find somewhere else to camp for the night, with less outdoors!” *drives off*

The Camper Is Not Always Right

| Louisiana, USA | Family & Kids

(It is the last day of camp, and the campers are even more unruly than usual. They have spent the last 30 minutes putting foam stickers everywhere, and I do mean everywhere.)

Me: “Okay, guys and gals! Your parents will be here to pick you up soon, so let’s clean up a bit and get these stickers off the floor.”

Camper: *eye roll* “I don’t understand why we have to pick this up. This is camp!”

Me: “Well, the other counselors and I didn’t put stickers all over the floor. Do you expect us to pick this up?”

Camper: “Yes! This is camp! We’re not at home, we’re at camp! We shouldn’t have to clean up after ourselves! That’s YOUR job!”

Me: *jawdrop*

Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

| Colorado, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am a head counselor at a camp. It is the end of the session and checkout doesn’t start until 5pm. The following takes place around 3pm. My boss radios up that a parent has shown up unexpectedly. I scramble to gather the kids, their belongings and final paperwork before heading to the parents.)

Parent #1: *fuming* “Well, it’s about time! We were supposed to leave by 2:30!”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry this is taking a while. We’re just trying to get the last pieces of paperwork together. In the future, if you need to check out early, you can note it on the checkout form you filled out at the beginning of camp and—”

Parent #1: “Well, we called and confirmed we could be here early!”

Me: “Oh? Who did you confirm with? I’m sorry for the mix-up. They should have passed that info along and we could have—”

Parent #1: “Well, we left a message.”

Me: “Who did you confirm with that we got your message? Did you make verbal contact with anyone?”

Parent #1: “WE. LEFT. A. MESSAGE.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t always get a chance to check our messages. Next time, it would be better if you tried again until you made verbal contact with—”

Parent #1: *clamps her hands over her ears* “NO! NO! NO! I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT! NO FIGHTING! NO FIGHTING! [Camp Name] RULE: NO FIGHTING!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m just letting you know how we can make early check out easier—”

Parent #1: “NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO FIGHTING!” *walks away from me*

(I turn to the other parent and begin explaining things to him.)

Me: “For future reference, if you fill out the early check out form we can have all the paperwork ready and your camper’s belongings set aside instead of buried in the trailer—”

(At this point, the other parent turns away from me, walks over to the trailer, opens it up and starts throwing other campers’ bags out into the dirt.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t be in there! I will help you find your camper’s belongings as soon as we finish the checkout paperwork!”

Parent #1: “THIS IS SO STUPID!”

Parent #2: “This is utter B***S***!”


Me: “If you would let me explain I would be happy to help you—”


(Fortunately, my boss comes over. He tells them the same thing I’ve been telling them. Surprisingly, their response is the complete opposite.)

Parent #1: *to my boss* “OH! Well why didn’t you just say so?” *signs the paperwork* “Have a good day!”

The Cuss-tomer Is Always Right

| USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(A mother storms into our day camp. She’s holding her five-year-old son by the arm.)

Mom: “My son said the F-word last night after coming home from YOUR day camp. I will NOT have a bunch of unprofessional teenagers setting bad examples for my child!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have no idea which employee could have said that, but I will definitely call a meeting with all of our counselors to discuss this.”

Mom: “Yeah, you’d better. I should have all of you fired, really!”

(She turns to leave, but as she walks away she drops her sunglasses.)

Mom: “Oh, f***!”