(My boss is helping a customer who is looking for a battery for his digital camera.)

Boss: “That will be $59.99 plus tax.”

Customer: “What! That’s crazy! I’ve only had this camera for a week, and the battery is already dead. Are you telling me I’m going to have to spend $60 every time it dies?”

Boss: “Only a week? The battery might be defective. How long did you leave it on the charger?”

Customer: “Charger? Um…”

(The customer grabs his ‘dead’ battery, and heads for the door.)

Customer: “I was never here.”

(My boss manages to wait until the customer is out of the store before cracking up.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. How many megapickles does this camera have?”

Me: “You mean megapixels? This one has 12.1.”

Customer: “No, I mean megapickles. How many does this one have?”

Me: “Uh… none?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then! What good is it?”

(A customer was picking up reprints from her film negatives.  I observed this exchange.)

Customer: “This is the wrong picture!”

Co-worker: “Which one was it supposed to be?”

Customer: “Number 18.”

Co-worker: *looks at negatives* “That is number 18 from these negatives. Did you drop off the wrong ones?”

Customer: “No! I just gave them to your staff and told him to print this one. *pointing to number 18 on an index print card*

Co-worker: “Ok…these are the negatives you dropped off?

Customer: *loudly* “Well, how was I supposed to know they were the wrong ones? I can’t tell you how to do your job! I’m not in the back watching what your staff does!”

(Upon hearing this, the manager comes over)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes! Your staff took the wrong negatives from me and printed the wrong photos! I can’t keep track of all my negatives…that’s your job!”

Manager: “So you’re saying that it’s our job to organize your negatives?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: “No. We won’t come home with you and organize your negatives. It’s your responsibility to check that you’re dropping off the right negatives–”

Customer: *interrupting* “This is horrible customer service! I’m never coming back!”

Manager: *sarcastically* “Yes, it is our job to organize your life for you too.”

Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

Me: “That’s very strange ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

(Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

Woman: “…”

(She snatches her battery out of my hands and storms out of the store.)

(I’m selling a camcorder to a man and his girlfriend. The guy is clueless about cameras and the girl knows a little bit more.)

Guy: “I don’t really know too much about cameras, she knows more than I do. I just want something good.”

Me: “Well this one is good because…” *explaining*

Guy to girl: “Honey, do you understand any of this?”

Girl: “Yeah, don’t worry. I think I know what we want.”

Guy to me: “Look, if you had to choose a camera to take naked pictures of her *points to girlfriend*, which would you choose?”

Me: “Well…this one has a built in hard drive so you can tape for longer without changing tapes.”

(The guy’s phone rings and he leaves me alone with girlfriend.)

Girl: “Do you get that a lot?”

Me: “More than you would think.”