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    You Can Do It, Put Your Butt In To It

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company. I am speaking with a male customer who speaks in a slightly feminine voice.)

    Customer: “I need credit for this movie I ordered.”

    Me: “Was something wrong with the movie, sir?”

    Customer: “No. But I didn’t mean to order it. I just sat on my remote and it ordered the movie.”

    (I hear a voice in the background similar to the customer’s voice.)

    Background Voice: “You always did have a talented butt.”

    It’s A Grey(hound) Area

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I was working in the call centre for a well-known bus company named after a type of dog. An ad was running at the time for a companion fare (buy one, get one) and it featured images of the type of dog the company is named after. One afternoon I get a call in regards to the pricing and rules for the fare. After giving this info the caller has one last question:)

    Caller: “So, to use this companion fare, does my companion HAVE to be a dog?”

    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller, Part 2

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Time

    (For the company I work for, the call center is open 24/7.)

    Customer: “When do you guys close? I want to make sure I place my order before then.”

    Me: “You are in luck. We are open 24 hours.”

    Customer: “Which 24 hours?”

    Me: “Um, we don’t close. We are open all day and night.”

    Customer: “But which hours?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t close.”

    (This goes on for several minutes.)

    Me: “Mr. [Customer]. We… do… not… close.”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], why didn’t you say so?”

    Me: “…”

    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller

    Giving The Scammers Too Much Credit

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I’m the assistant of an accountant for a company that takes credit card numbers over the phone and processes them on another day. One customer’s credit card doesn’t go through so I call and leave a message saying I need verification and to call me back at the store’s number.)

    Customer: “I’m calling back because of a message that my credit card payment didn’t go through.”

    Me: “Yep, it happens. Sometimes we just write the number down incorrectly, Would you be able to verify your card number?”

    Customer: “Well, how do I know you’re not a scammer?”

    Me: “You called us, plus when I answered I said who we were.”

    Customer: “But you could just be faking it to get my information.”

    Me: “The invoice said you ordered [Thing] on [the date she got it] and [Coworker] took your order?”

    Insufficient Data To Handle Any Alternative

    | Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work as tech support over the phone for an Internet company. I cannot get the customer’s modem back online and need to book a technician to get the service up and running. Unfortunately it’s a Friday, and the next available tech isn’t until Monday.)

    Customer: “Well, this is just great! Now I’m going to have to use my cell phone to watch movies all weekend, and that’s going to use up all my data! You need to give me a credit to cover my extra data usage!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to give you a credit for your cell phone data plan.”

    Customer: “So now I won’t have Internet all weekend, and my data’s all going to get used up to watch movies!”

    Me: “I do have you on the priority cancellation list, so they will call you if another appointment does open up before then. If it does, they’ll call you and make sure the time works for you; they won’t just come out without any notice. But of course I can’t guarantee a spot will open up.”

    Customer: “That’s great, but what about my data?”

    Me: “Well… You don’t have to watch movies on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “No, I do! I don’t have any choice! My Internet’s down so the only way I have to watch movies is on my cell!”

    Me: “No, I mean you don’t have to watch any movies.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I mean, I understand your Internet’s not working and if you watch movies on your cell it’ll be a big hit to your data plan. But you don’t have to actually watch movies.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I only have my cell. It’s the only connection that’s working right now.”

    Me: “You don’t have to watch movies. You could do something else.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you mean.”

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