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    Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’, Part 2

    , | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer calls in to a bank call center.)

    Customer: “I need to make a deposit.”

    Me: “I can certainly help you with that deposit. What do we need to deposit? Cash, check, money order?”

    Customer: “I need to deposit money.”

    Me: “What type of deposit? There are different ways to make a deposit depending on what you need to deposit.”

    Customer: “I need to deposit cash.”

    Me: “I can find you the closest ATM so you can make your cash deposit.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to go somewhere to make the deposit?”

    Me: “Yes, if you are depositing cash.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t I just deposit it over the phone?!”

    Me: No, I’m sorry. There is not a way to deposit cash over the phone.”

    Customer: “What kind of service is this?” *click*

    Related:
    Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’

    Getting Sick Of This Call

    | BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a call centre for a rental company. We are open quite late so keep in mind that it’s around midnight at this point.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “I insist that you rush through the call as I can’t hold the phone for extended periods due to medical reasons!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. First I’ll need some information—”

    Caller: “No, no! That’s a waste of time! I insist that you refund me right away. And if you don’t I’m going to sue you and the company for my injuries because you’re taking too long!”

    (She also ‘had a seizure’ while on the call because my voice was too high pitched…)

    Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work for moving truck company. When your truck breaks down, you call me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Truck Company] Emergency Road Service. My name is [My Name]. May I have your first and last name?”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE, B****! YOU DON’T NEED MY NAME! MY TRUCK IS ON FIRE AND I’VE GOT 8,000 PARAKEETS IN THE BACK OF IT!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I suggest you hang up and call 911 and give them your location. If you’re on the highway they can usually find you by your nearest mile-marker or exit—”

    Customer: “YOU NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS F****** PIECE OF S***! I’M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY!”

    Me: “Sir, your animals’ lives are in danger and yours might be, too. Please disconnect this call and phone the fire department.”

    Customer: “IT DON’T MATTER! THEY’RE ALL ALREADY DEAD AND I’M OUT OF THE D*** TRUCK! THEY WERE FOR STUFFING!”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you have thousands of dead parakeets for taxidermy in the back of your truck and that you’re still not going to call the emergency line to get the fire department to come put our truck out? Sir, are you aware that our policy dictates that you may not have animals in our vehicles, dead or alive?”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHAT YOUR POLICY DICTATES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE THOUSANDS OFF THOSE BIRDS AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY ME FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!”

    (I just hit the insurance line without a word, and went on break. My poor supervisor pinged me when I got back, laughing himself sick.)

    Can’t Go Without Within

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    Caller: “Why did you send me a letter saying I have to pay my bill 31 days before it’s due?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that letter is simply stating that you have to pay the bill WITHIN 31 days of the due date.”

    Caller: “Yes! The letter says WITHIN 31 days! That means BEFORE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I deal with accounts similar to yours all day every day, and I’m telling you, you have 31 days PAST the due date to pay the bill.”

    Caller: “That’s not what this letter says! I want you to send me a letter in writing stating what you just said.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I sent you a letter stating what I just said you would receive the same letter you’re calling me about right now.”

    Caller: “Well, I’m going to send your company a letter to tell them I still haven’t received my bill for next month! I can’t afford not to have coverage!”

    Me: *finally giving up* “Would you like the address, ma’am?”

    Artificial Unintelligence, Part 2

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Welcome to the support team. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Check claim status.”

    (I realise he thinks I’m a recording.)

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. Can I ask which service your claim was for?”

    Caller: “Skip questions.”

    Me: “Um… sir, I do need to know the details of your claim so I can track it?”

    Caller: “Eugh! Stupid machine… SKIP questions!”

    Me: “Um.. I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not a machine. I need to know—”

    Caller: “Main menu!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not a recording. I can help with your enquiry, but I have to ask a few questions first.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank god. A person!”

    Related:
    Artificial Unintelligence

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