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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

    | UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology, Top

    (I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

    Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

    Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

    Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

    Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

    Off Track Call Back

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a call center where the supervisor department closes at 11pm. It is now 10:30pm.)

    Customer: *explanation of lengthy issue that I cannot fix*

    Me: “All right. In order to take care of this issue, I will need to go ahead and transfer your call over to my supervisors, and they will assist you further.”

    Customer: “NO! I will NOT be transferred! You have to fix this for me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I do not have the ability in my system to fix this for you. My supervisors will be more than happy to take care of this for you, though, so let me just transfer you—”

    Customer: “NO! NO TRANSFERS! FIX IT! I’m not hanging up until you fix it for me!”

    (This goes back and forth for almost 45 minutes, with me continuously telling her I cannot fix it for her, and her demanding that I do.)

    Customer: “FINE! Just transfer me already!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our supervisor department closed 15 minutes ago. I can have one of them call you back tomorrow.”

    Customer: “WHAT?! You purposefully kept me on the phone after they closed! You just didn’t want me to talk to them! I’m going to call my lawyer about this!” *slams phone down*

    Coworker: “Wow… Guess that’s a callback, then.”

    The Movie Tale Is In The (Lack Of) Telling

    | Israel | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I am a temp for a large mobile services provider, in a call center dedicated to the provider’s loyalty program. Every summer they would give out free books, movie tickets, etc. on particular dates for all paying customers. The caller in this call was around 40 years old.)

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Provider]‘s loyalty program. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “I want the free movie.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Madam, but the free movie offer ended last week. We have a free book offer this week—”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want any books. I just want the free movie you promised.”

    Me: “Again, Madam, I’m sorry, but that offer is now over.”

    Caller: “But I didn’t know about it on time!”

    Me: “Well, Madam, that’s unfortunate, but you’re welcome to take advantage of the offers we still have—”

    Caller: “No. You will give me a free movie! Make an exception! Talk to your manager!”

    Me: “Madam, we cannot make an exception. The company signed a contract with [Cinema Chain] for a specific period. Now that the period is done, there’s nothing we can do about it.”

    Caller: “But you should have told me! No one told me so it’s your fault and I want the free movie!”

    Me: “Madam, we had ads on billboards in several major streets in your city—”

    Caller: “I don’t go out much.”

    Me: “We also had ads in every major newspaper—”

    Caller: “I don’t read any newspapers.”

    Me: “And several major radio stations—”

    Caller: “I don’t listen to the radio.”

    Me: “And there was a colourful ad in your monthly bill—”

    Caller: “I always disregard those.”

    Me: “And a whole ton of ads on our website and major news websites—”

    Caller: “I don’t use the Internet.”

    Me: “And every single client of [Provider] got a text message about it.”

    Caller: “Oh, those I never read.”

    Me: “Then how, Madam, did you expect us to inform you of this offer, if you disregard every single publicity method we use?”

    Caller: *reproachfully* “Well, I’d expect you to call me!”

    About To Have A Fire Sale

    | Clovis, NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    (I work in a call center doing tech support for a well known fast food chain. A coworker is the one that actually took this call. They were complaining about a piece of equipment that functions as a surge protector and battery backup for the computers that run the store.)

    Caller: “My [piece of equipment] is smoking.”

    Coworker: “Sir, I need you to unplug everything from it and move everything away from it until it cools down.”

    Caller: “But that will bring down our store! I’ll do it later when we slow down or after closing.”

    Coworker: “Sir, you realize it could burst into flames and burn down your store, right?”

    Caller: “And? We are busy!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

    | Lewiston, ME, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (Working at a telesales company, I sold credit cards to people who wanted them.)

    Me: “So, I need your total annual income. What is it?”

    Customer: “$1200.”

    Me: “That’s… $1200 annually?”

    Customer: “Yup!”

    Me: “And…. now I need to know how much you pay for rent or mortgage each month.”

    Customer: “$500 a month.”

    (We go through the rest of the call rather well. At the end of the application we can usually see if they are approved or not. In this case they were not approved, so this is the rest of the conversation.)

    Me: “I’m sorry but you weren’t approved.”

    Customer: “What?! Why?”

    Me: “Well… it’s probably because you pay more in rent or mortgage in three months than you make in a year.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t! I make $1200 each month!”

    Me: “Oh! So you meant that $1200 was MONTHLY and not ANNUALLY?”

    Customer: “What does annually mean?”

    Me: “It means yearly. How much you make a year.”

    (The customer hung up. They were too stupid to be trusted with a credit card anyway.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

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