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    It’s Time To End The Shift On A High

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Family & Kids

    (I’m just finishing up a call with a pleasant customer, my last call for the day. Because of mandatory overtime, I’ve been at work for almost 12 hours straight and can’t wait to leave.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “Hang on. My daughter wants to ask you a question.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I hear the customer hand the phone to his daughter. She sounds very young: probably three or four.)

    Girl: “Hi!”

    Me: “Hi, there! How are you?”

    Girl: “Good. Hey, do you know what time it is?”

    Me: *playing along* “No, sweetie. What time is it?”

    Girl: “It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!”

    Customer: “Sorry about that. She just HAS to sing it every time I’m on the phone.”

    Me: *laughing really hard* “It’s perfectly fine, sir. I can’t think of a better way to end my shift!”

    You Can Hear The Irony From Here

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (I work in the call centre for an insurance company. The caller I am speaking to is an elderly gentleman who has called to make sure his new hearing aids are covered under his policy.)

    Me: “Yes, hearing aids are fully covered under your contents policy. And the good news is that if you have to make a claim, you won’t have to pay an excess.”

    Caller: “What was that, dear?”

    Me: “If you need to make a claim for your hearing aids you won’t have to pay any excess.”

    Caller: “No, I still didn’t get that.”

    Me: *nearly shouting* “IF YOU NEED TO CLAIM FOR YOUR HEARING AIDS IT WON’T COST YOU ANYTHING! WE’LL REPLACE THEM FOR FREE!”

    Caller: *cheerfully* “You must be thinking; ‘why hasn’t he got the f****** things in?’”

    Suddenly, Parenting Goes Out The Window

    , | Australia | Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (I work in a call centre for a company that does roadside assistance for cars that have either broken down or need a tow. We also provide a free service to get babies out of locked cars as this is classed as an emergency situation. It is one of the hottest days of summer.)

    Me: “Could I please start with your registration or membership card number.”

    Caller: “I’VE LOCKED MY BABY IN THE CAR! SHE’S ONLY A MONTH OLD! PLEASE, HELP!”

    Me: “Okay. First of all, I need your location and the make and model of your car.”

    Caller: “I’m at [popular shopping centre] and my car is [Expensive Brand] [newest model sedan].”

    Me: “Due to these cars being so new our patrols cannot open them from the outside and will have to smash a window. The windscreen would be the safest, as it is the cheapest to replace and also the furthest away from the baby.”

    Caller: “NO! THIS IS A BRAND NEW CAR! YOU HAVE TO UNLOCK THE DOOR!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I have sent two patrols to your location. They will smash the window to get the baby out as it is a hot day and the temperature in the car could kill the baby!”

    Caller: “I DON’T CARE! YOU ARE NOT SMASHING THE WINDOW!”

    Me: “Okay. Well, the patrols should be there within five minutes. Please wait by the car and stay calm.” *hangs up*

    (I immediately call the police and ambulance so they can attend the scene as well. I later hear that the lady attacked the patrol officer when he tried to smash the window, all while screaming and swearing about her new car. The police promptly arrested her for assault and endangering a child, and the windscreen was broken to get the baby out.)

    Needs A System That’s The Cat’s Meow

    | USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Pets & Animals, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that sells audio equipment.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I help you with an order? ”

    Customer: “I need your system!”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of great items in our product line, but you’ll have to be more specific. What system are you looking at today?”

    Customer: “The CD player! I had one but it broke and I need yours to play my special CDs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. What kind of special CDs do you want it to play?”

    Customer: “The ones I got for my cat. It’s special music to help felines relax.”

    Me: “So they’re regular CDs for your cat. Okay, I can help with that.”

    Customer: “I alternate back and forth, one CD of his music, then one of mine. It has to play both.”

    Me: “I can assure you that on the [Model Name] you’ll both be able to enjoy your favorite songs together.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. No, we can’t do that. He’s in kitty heaven now, but will it play his CDs?”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

    | Cardiff, Wales, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Technology, Underaged

    (It’s the weekend after the release of ‘Grand Theft Auto V,’ and demand for it is high. It’s my first call of the day, and quickly I realise it’s an under-18 boy trying to place an order.)

    Me: “Good Evening. [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

    Underage Customer: *squeaking* “Hi there. I’m wondering if it’s possible to order Grand Theft Auto V, please.”

    Me: *smiling* “Absolutely. However, I’m required to warn you that an adult over the age of 18 must be present to sign for the delivery of the item, and that adult will be told exactly what’s being delivered before they sign for it. Is that okay?”

    Underage Customer: *still squeaking* “F****** d***! F***!” *click*

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence


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