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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Has No Hang Ups About Hanging Up

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Spouses & Partners

    (In our call center, we are not allowed to hang up on customers unless they have been warned at least once, and are either using improper/suggestive language or are calling just to talk about something that is in no way relevant to our company. We are also not allowed to solicit a transfer to a supervisor. I’ve been on this call 30 minutes already:)

    Me: “Sir, I’ve already told you, we are unable to do what you are requesting. You’re typically allowed two options in these situations, and I’m bending the rules by offering you the third option.”

    Caller: “I don’t care. Give me your supervisor. They can give me what I want.”

    (Our ‘supervisors’ are people who have desired and proven their ability to be well versed in policy and have access to a few minor additional programs. I am also one, but it isn’t my assigned day to work as one. I call.)

    Supervisor: “It’s [Supervisor].”

    Me: “Hey, it’s me. Here’s what’s up.” *I explain the situation*

    Supervisor: “Send him through.”

    Caller: “Hi, I was told that if I was transferred to you, you have the ability to do what I want, and that is [nonrefundable service already purchased] refunded and for me to have a free one.”

    Supervisor: “NO, you weren’t. You were—”

    Caller: “Yes, I was and you need to give it to me, because if you don’t, that’s false advertising. You need to give me what I was promised or I—”

    Supervisor: “Sir, I’m talking and will not tolerate interruption. As I was saying, you were given an extra option that my representative bent the rules to offer. I know what you were offered because I’m sitting next to her, and she is the most lenient and patient person we have. I’m her opposite. When you were transferred you lost that option because you didn’t take it when you had the chance. Now you have three options: [standard option a], [standard option b], or hanging up and deciding later. If you don’t decide, I will pick for you.”

    Caller: “But I don’t want—”

    Supervisor: “Okay, I’m deciding for you. I am hanging up. When you decide, call back.”

    (My supervisor knows me so well because we always sit together. At work, in the car, and at home. We were hired at the same time, advanced at the same time, and got married six years ago.)

    Naked And Unafraid

    | Enschede, The Netherlands | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (We get a lot of ‘dirty’ calls because it is a toll-free number. This one guy is a ‘regular.’)

    Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]. [My Name] speaking.”

    Customer: *heavy breathing* “So… what colour undies are you wearing?”

    Me: “Sir, it’s Monday. On Monday we don’t wear clothes. It’s policy.”

    (I disconnect the call, smiling at the man’s stunned silence. One minute late my coworker gets a call. All I hear is:)

    Coworker: “Oh, naked sir. It’s Monday after all!”

    (He hung up and we had a good laugh about it.)

    Was Dying The First Time

    | Hampton, VA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a call center that takes calls for 800 numbers people see on psychic hotline commercials. The deal is we tell you the cost and then give the actual 900 number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl on the bed and my fish is dying! He’s just flopping around! What do I do?”

    Me: “Umm… what?”

    Caller: “My fish is dying! What do I do?”

    Me: “Put him in another bowl?”

    Caller: “Thank you! This will save him!” *laughs* “Sorry, man, just thought you might be able to use a laugh tonight.”

    Me: “Yeah, always appreciate that. Have a good one.”

    (Two calls later:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl and my fish is dying!”

    Me: “Dude, it’s me again.”

    Caller: “Oh, hey, isn’t that funny.”

    Parenthetically Speaking

    | Portland, OR, USA | Technology

    Caller: “I wondered if I need to dial the parenthesis around the area code when I make a phone call?”

    Me: *after paused mute to control my laughing* “Ma’am, if you can find those buttons on your phone go right ahead and push them!”

    In The Wrong Holding Position

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Good evening. Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?

    Caller: “Oh, wrong number.” *hangs up*

    (To have gotten through to me the customer would have had to have waited on hold for 10 minutes, listening to repeated adverts FOR the company and also selected an option to speak with me. I still have no idea how she didn’t realise sooner.)

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