Putting The Grin In Grinch

| WI, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I do chat support for a major mobile device manufacturer. A customer comes in to chat all upset:)

Customer: “Christmas is ruined! I spent $180 on a cell phone and it isn’t going to be delivered in time.”

Me: “That is unfortunate, sir. I see we shipped it on time, and it is in the shipping company’s possession. But for some reason the tracking shows that the package had been diverted, causing a delay in delivery. I apologize.”

(I try to explain that it is not something I have any control over, but he isn’t having any of it. Finally, there is a pause, and then he tells me:)

Customer: “Okay, I just called my son over to the computer. He is here now. Go on… explain it to him. Tell my 12-year-old why you ruined his Christmas.”

(I was stunned. There were a few false starts where I started typing a reply, then deleted it and tried to gather my thoughts. I was SO glad this was a chat and not a call, or things would have probably gone downhill very fast.)

Me: “I am very, very sorry that the package did not arrive on time. I promise you, it is on its way and you will receive it soon. In the meantime, I want to ask you to please be patient, and to be grateful that you have a dad that would buy a cool phone like this for you, because there are a lot of children who have to make do with much less. I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and a good night.”

(The chat suddenly terminated a few minutes later, when he disconnected without a word.)

Thank You For Calling The North Pole

| Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Good evening. You’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I mean it. It’s really him!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s really Santa Claus!”

(I now realize the customer is speaking to someone on his end. I hear gasping on his end.)

Me: “Sir, did you redial this number by accident?”

Customer: *still talking to his child* “Yes, yes, Santa. Jack is being naughty.”

Me: “Put me on speaker.”

Customer: “Jack, Santa wants to talk to you.”

(Puts me on speaker.)

Me: *in my best Santa voice* “Ho ho ho, Jack, you be good now so your Dad will let me bring lots of presents to you this year.”

Tiny Voice: “Yes, Santa, I promise.”

(Clicks off speaker.)

Customer: “Thanks for that. Couldn’t get him to go to bed.”

Me: “No problem. Merry Christmas.”

Don’t Hate All Men, Just You

| USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(I answer the phone and the most misogynistic guy I’ve ever talked to states he is on hold for a supervisor. I apologize and say he was misinformed he was holding for one, ask for his account number, and offer to help him.)

Me: *after a few seconds of silence and no response* “Sir?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Are you one?”

Me: “No… This is the same operator you were speaking to. As I explained, I can’t transfer you to a supervisor. If you’d like to speak to one, I’ll need your account number so I can—”

Caller: “—I’m not giving you my account number. That’s private information. Now, put an adult on the phone.”

Me: *thinking its going to be one of THOSE calls* “I am an adult, sir. I’m 38.”

Caller: “Sure you are.” *talking to someone in the background* “I’ve got some man-hating idiot lesbian on the phone who won’t help me. She talks like an ignorant d***.”

Me: *mouth open in shock* “Sir, if you can’t be professional—”

Caller: “—Look, I want to speak to a supervisor. I know you must hate men, and I don’t need to take your abuse. If you want to abuse someone go home and abuse your girlfriend.”

Me: “Sir, there is no need for how you are talking to me. I am trying to assist you. May I please have your account number?” *dead air for about 10 seconds on the line* “Sir?”

Caller: “Yes, I am holding for a supervisor. May I please speak to one?”

Me: *wishing I could reach through the phone to slap him* “I heard you the first few times you said that, sir, and I still can’t transfer you to—”

Caller: “—Look, I know you are an ignorant d*** who isn’t capable of doing this job. Be a good girl and transfer me to someone who is an adult and know what they are doing so you can go home, abuse your girlfriend, and look for a job at McDonald’s where you might actually be qualified to work.”

Me: *struggling hard to remain professional myself* “Sir, if you can’t be professional I will have to end the call. I am trying to assist you. If you want to speak to a supervisor, I need to have your account number so I can issue a call back.” *silence on the line again* “Sir?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Did that d*** finally transfer me to one?”

Me: *finally had it* “Sir, it’s still me and I heard you the first few times you said that. I am not transferring you to a supervisor. If you won’t give me your account number and speak to me politely, I will have to end this call.”

Caller: “Don’t you talk to me like that, you d*** b****. I’m not giving you my account number so you can steal my info! Put a f****** adult on the phone like a good little lesbian. Don’t know why they hired a r***** like you. You probably are too dumb to work at McDonald’s, too. I want a supervisor. NOW.”

Me: “I’ve warned you multiple times about how you’re talking to me. You are refusing any assistance I can give you and you are being vulgar. Thank you for calling. Have a nice day. I am disconnecting the call.”

Caller: “Don’t you dare—”

Me: *doesn’t let him finish and hits the release button*

The Last Trip He Takes You On

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers, Tourists/Travel

(We have a ‘regular’ customer who only calls at night, and only speaks with young sounding, female representatives.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounding stuffed up throughout the call* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is always two weeks away from date he calls].”

Me: “Great, and how many will be traveling?”

Caller: “Just me.”

(I check for age and military discounts when all of a sudden, he sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you. Now did you have a time of day in mind?”

Caller: “Oh, thank you. My cat just came in the room. I am allergic. Could you read me the time you have at the lowest prices?”

(The call goes almost normally accept for these ‘allergy’ interruptions, which involve opening the window, dusting, going in the attic, and so on. He gives the name of John Sneed for the reservation and we get to the credit card payment. He gives 8 of the 16 digits, and then hangs up. After having this happen twice, I ask around and confirm he is not a legitimate customer. A jewel of information is given to me, so I’m prepared the next time he calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *sounding stuffed up* “Yes, I need to book a trip from Chicago to Detroit for [date that is two weeks away].”

Me: “Wonderful! How many will be traveling this time, Mr. [Caller´s Real Last Name]?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Thoughts Are Mega-lite

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)

Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”

Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”

Page 8/151First...678910...Last