Call Center | Tulsa, OK, USA
(This is from a few years ago, when I worked tech support for a major satellite TV company.)
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “Is your satellite down?”
Me: “No sir, the satellite is working properly.”
Customer: “Are you sure? Because I’m not getting ANYTHING on my TV.”
Me: “Well, let’s try and get this solved for you. What do you see on the screen?”
Customer: “It’s black.”
Me: “There’s nothing at all on the screen?”
Customer: “I told you, it’s completely black!”
Me: “Is…is there a message of any kind?”
Customer: “Yeah, it says ’searching for satellite signal’. That’s how I know your satellite is down. You need to connect me to a different one.”
Me: “Well sir, just in case it’s possibly something else and not the satellite, could you tell me who installed your equipment? Did you pay for an installer or did you do it yourself?”
Customer: “I did it myself! I’m not an idiot. I took the box out of the package and connected it to my TV and DVD player and stereo just fine. I know how to connect a few wires…”
Me: “Okay, maybe there’s something blocking the dish, like a tree or perhaps a neighbors house. Where did you mount the dish?”
Customer: “Dish? The bowl thing? It’s still in the box. Look, just connect me to your other satellite already!”
Me: …
Vision Insurance Call Center | Latham, NY, USA
Me: “Thank you for calling ***** Vision, how may I help you?”
Caller: “I need someone to come look at my TV.”
Me: “Sir, this is a vision insurance company, not television repair.”
Caller: “When can you send someone out?”
Me: “Sir, we cannot do that. We don’t repair TVs.”
Caller: “I WANNA SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR!”
Me: “He can’t help you either, sir.”
Caller: “F**K YOU! I SAY F**K YOU!” *click*
Call Center | Ontario, Canada
(Cell phone customer has been redirected to the call center for non-payment of his cell phone bill.)
Customer: “Turn on my phone or you can take it and shove it up your a**!!!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir. We don’t have service in that area.”
Call Center | Thunder Bay, ON, Canada
(I was doing rebates for cellphones at the time…)
Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Okay, so I want my rebate.”
Me: “Alright, all I need from you is the cellphone number.”
Customer: “I don’t have one.”
Me: “…you don’t have a cellphone number?”
Customer: “No, but I want my rebate.”
Me: “So, you do know that in order to receive a rebate, you actually need to purchase a cellphone?”
Customer: “For **** sakes. You’re telling me that in order to get MY rebate, I need to go out, waste MY gas, and with MY money, buy a cellphone?”
Me: “Well, that would be the general idea of getting a reimbursement on something you had purchased.”
Customer: “But I just want the money back…”
Me: “Well, it’s not like this is free money.”
Customer: “…it’s not?”
Me: “No.”
(After about 20 seconds of silence, the customer hangs up.)
Call Center | Virginia, USA
(I was working for a call center that exclusively dealt with UPS)
Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”
Client: “I need to track a package.”
Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.
Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*
Me: “I’m sorry, however that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number…there doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”
(The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information was available to try and locate the package…with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line, proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives; due to my inability to find this package.)
Client’s boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!!!”
*pause*
Client’s boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”
Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
*click*
Call Center | Mount Vernon, IA, USA
Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”
Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”
Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”
Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”
Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”
Man: “No, no joke…”
Debt Collection Call Center | Rancho Cordova, CA, USA
(A young man from Fullerton, CA calls to get our address in Rancho Cordova, CA)
Him: “Rancho Cordova? What coast is that on?”
Me: “We are in California, just like you.”
Him: “Oh…so, East?”
Call Center | Nottingham, UK
Me: “Hello, telephone orders.”
Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.”
Me: “That’s very nice madam. Would you like to place an order?”
Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…”
Me: “Okay, Madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?”
Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.”
Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you Madam. I’m just a call center operative.”
Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds)?”
Me: “No Madam. We’re just a trading company.”
Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.”
Me: “That’s correct. [But] we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB Head Office.”
Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh ….. oh dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.”
Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?”
Customer: “So who are you?”
(This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it)
Source
Call Center | Washington, USA
Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”
Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”
Vet | Unknown Location
Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”
Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”
Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: “Where is it located?”
Caller: “On his tummy.”
Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”
Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”
Me: “That’s his p****.”
Caller: *hangs up*
Source
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