• A Pain In The Nugget
    (1,372 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Taxing Faxing, Part 15

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Technology

    (Callers place orders for a certain drinkable product. They can also call in to track their orders. One such customer places her order and calls back a few days later to see where her package is.)

    Me: “I’m showing it was delivered via UPS this afternoon.”

    Caller: “It was MAILED?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Why wasn’t it faxed? You all did this every other time! I want a refund, now! I have a dinner party and I am so embarrassed! I bragged on this and you failed horribly!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t able to fax this order, I am sorry. We can send a new order out if needed but it won’t arrive until day after tomorrow at the earliest. Have you checked everywhere, or asked your neighbors?”

    Caller: “I don’t need to! It’s not my fault you all are incompetent morons… Oh! I’m pulling up to my house now, and I see it! Still refund me, as I have a headache from this call!” *click*

    Taxing Faxing, Part 14
    Taxing Faxing, Part 13
    Taxing Faxing, Part 12

    A Catalog Of Errors

    | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Technology

    (I am working a temporary account for a well known holiday gift catering service that specializes in meats and cheese. The account has ads in newspapers, and in their catalogs and website.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”

    (The caller sounds like a woman in her late thirties.)

    Customer: “Hi, I saw you were having a special sale on a spiral cut honey glazed ham. I’d like to get one of those.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to order you one today. May I have the gift code?”

    Customer: “I don’t see a gift code. Where is it?”

    Me: “It should be in a box on the side of the page, with the gifts letter designating the code.”

    Customer: “I don’t see it? I’m scrolling up and down and don’t see any boxes.”

    (I get a sinking feeling but keep strong.)

    Me: “Oh, do you have a catalog or are you on the website? If you need assistance using the website I can help you with that as well.”

    Customer: “I’m on the website.”

    Me: “All right, then instead of looking for a gift code, all you need do is look for the button that says ‘add to c-‘”

    Customer: “I know that! What do you think I am, a moron?! I want to order items off the website, over the phone!”

    Me: “I can certainly do that for you. Now what weight spiral cut ham is it?”

    Customer: “It’s the 20-pound for $35.99.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The only 20-pound ham we have is for $49.99.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not possible. I’m looking at it!”

    Me: “Is it a special offer?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is. That’s obviously why I want to order it!”

    (The sinking feeling kicks in all the way.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot use the website specials in place of catalog specials. Website specials are for the website only.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that I cannot get this ham for the price that it is advertised at?! That’s false advertisement!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you can, but you have to order it online. The systems at the call center can only process catalog specials. You can order the product online, just not through the phone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to order it online. I want to order over the phone!”

    (At this point I’m at a loss. My manager has noticed how long the call has taken, and takes a headset to listen into the call.)

    Customer: “Here, I have a gift code, like what you asked before. Try that!”

    Me: *I try the gift code that she pulled out of thin air* “It says it is void in my system, ma’am. As I’ve explained this is only an Internet offer and—”

    Customer: “Can’t you just adjust the price of the ham on your end?! I’ve had people do that for me before!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but all catalog prices are as shown. We cannot adjust the product price.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of customer service is this?! I want to speak to a manager!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll call him right over.”

    (I mute my mic and take a moment to explain what my manager has missed on the call. My manager un-mutes his mic.)

    Manager: “Hello, my name is [Manager], supervisor for [Company]. How may I be of assistance?”

    Customer: “Your employee is refusing to give me correct price for a ham!”

    (My manager then takes another 10 or so minutes on the phone. Outside of the call, I kind of get to laugh at the trouble the woman gives him. And then on top of THAT, after he re-explains EVERYTHING I have already told the woman, she demands to speak to HIS manager. The MOD manager, a woman I’ve never even seen before, comes on to the floor and takes a mic. She looks bemused.)

    MOD Manager: “Hello I am [MOD Manager], [Manager]’s manager. How may I—”

    (The woman on the other end immediately sets off on a rant.)

    MOD Manager: “Ma’am, this is a business. You’re wasting our time. If you want an online product, order it online. Good-day.”

    (The MOD manager doesn’t wait for a reply, just hangs up on the customer and turns to us.)

    MOD Manager: “Thanks for the call. I needed a laugh.”

    Wish You Could Firewall These Customers

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my computer is on fire. What should I do?”

    Me: “Call the fire department! Why are you calling us? You should try to put it out!”

    Customer: “It’s your fault, though! What are you going to do about my computer?”

    Me: “Sir, I strongly advise you trying to put out the fire before we continue. There is nothing we can do about your computer being on fire.”

    Customer: “Look here! I was following your instructions on the CD that came with the kit. It told me to install the ethernet adaptor. I opened my laptop, put the green card inside, put it back together, and now it’s on fire.”

    Me: “Whoa! Wait, you said you got a green ethernet card, and you opened your laptop up and put it in there?”

    Customer: “Yes! Now what are you going to do about my computer being on fire!”

    Me: “Sir, the adaptor we sent you was for a desktop computer, not for a laptop. There is no way that the card supplied will work for your computer. We could have assisted you had you called in prior to you attempting to install the adaptor, when you could not find a place to plug it in. Instead you slammed it all together, and caused your own fire hazard. I strongly suggest that you call the fire department, or try to put out the fire yourself while the firefighters arrive. There is nothing that I can do to support you at this time.”

    Customer: “But what is [ISP] going to do about my computer?!”

    Utah Is Not Her Calling

    | UT, USA | Health & Body

    (I used to work in a very different kind of call center. People who lived in California would call us in Utah to make an appointment for their doctors. But we weren’t allowed to tell them we were in Utah, so we had to act like we were actually in California, at the front desk of the doctor’s office.)

    Me: “[Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need to talk to the nurse right away!”

    Me: “Okay, no problem, ma’am. I’m just going to need to open up your file real fast. Can I get your last name and birth date?”

    Customer: “No. You’re in f***** Utah. I don’t want to give you s***. You’ll steal my identity.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am unable to transfer you over to your nurse unless I have your information.”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *hangs up*

    (About five minutes later I get the same lady again and go through the regular routine.)

    Customer: “I’m going to call the police and the newspapers and let them know that you’re stealing our jobs!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re upset, ma’am. I can try to get you to a nurse, but that means I have to put you on hold”

    Customer: “You’re going to go to jail because you stole our jobs! You will not put me on hold or I will press charges!”

    (I tried to work with her more but she was not having it. She ended up just hanging up on me. I finally was able to open her file, because I guess I wasn’t the only person she threatened that day. She never called me back, but I later found out that she stormed into the doctor’s office and they ended up having to call the cops to escort her out.)

    Radiating With Stupidity

    | Estonia | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

    (An English-speaking client is trying to get some information about a guitar festival that is supposed to take place that day. He says his wife had talked to someone earlier about it but I’m having trouble finding any information about a guitar festival at all.)

    Me: “May I please call you back in a few minutes? I’ll try to find out who was talking to your wife earlier and where she found the information.”

    Client: “No, that’s not an option. You see, I can’t use this phone around my children because of the radiation. I’m standing outside of the car right now.”

    Page 8/157First...678910...Last