When I worked in home line faults for one of the big telcos, I had a lady ask about how to use her voice message bank. I called her number and left a message while talking to her on the initial call; this avoids the problem with the customer not letting the phone ring out.

The next step was for me to hang up from her, and then she was to call 101 and retrieve the message, and I would call her back in a couple of minutes to make sure it was working. So, I hung up from the customer, waited two or three minutes, and called her back. She had not called 101.

Me: “Okay, let’s try again. I’ll call back again in a couple of minutes.”

I called back again. She had not called 101. I re-explained the steps, got her to repeat them to me, and hung up to try again. I called her back, and once again, she had not called 101 to pick up the message I had left. I tried the same thing several times more with the exact same result. I must have sounded like I was in a cult begging her to retrieve the message I left her.

About half an hour into this call, I suggested that we could remove the message bank as it seems like it might be a bit too complicated for her. Nope, she wanted her message bank. In the end, there were forty-five minutes of my life wasted, and she still didn’t know how her message bank worked. She was going to get her son to explain it to her. I felt sorry for him.

I work in a call center for a store. The store is running a promotion on a particular product. It’s resulted in some stupid questions.

Caller #1: “If [bottled item] is buy-one-get-one-free, how many do I have to buy to get a free bottle?”

And:

Caller #2: “If this is two for $10, how much money is four bottles?”

When I explained on multiple phone calls that the promotion makes it $5 each, they would ask if I was sure, and then they would check their calculators and state that they were impressed with my math.

While working in a call center for a large television provider, I got this call.

Customer: “Hi. My name is [Customer], and I want to know why my TV isn’t working.”

I took his information and reviewed his account.

Me: “Sir, I show your status as disconnected.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask to have my service disconnected!”

I dug a little deeper into the notes my coworker had left on this account the day before and, reading the notes out loud, discovered that the man’s wife had called to shut off the service because she was starting the process of divorce.

I have never heard a man’s heart break before then or since. I have also learned to process what I am reading before I speak so I can be more tactful in how I deliver such information.

I receive a text to inform me I’ve got an updated debit card on the way. I had thought all my cards were up to date, so I call the bank to make sure everything is okay.

I’ve got a two-word surname; imagine my name is Claire Jones Smith, where “Jones Smith” is my surname — two words, not hyphenated.

This is slightly annoying, as some computer systems shove the “Jones” to the middle name field, leaving my surname, according to some companies, as just “Smith”.

I’m used to this, and I understand it’s not the fault of the representative if they can’t find me on the first try. This lady, on the other hand…

Me: “Hi. I got a text about a replacement debit card. I wanted to know what account it was for.”

Representative: “Okay, no problem. What’s your name?”

Me: “Claire Jones Smith.”

Representative: “Date of birth?”

Me: “[Birthdate].”

Representative: “Huh, not finding anything. So, that’s—”

She spells out my name phonetically.

Me: “Yes, but if you can’t find it under Jones Smith, try just Smith as sometimes Jones is pushed to the middle name field.”

Representative: “I’m not finding it under Jones Smith. I won’t be able to continue this call.”

Me: “Again, try just Smith, and—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch and fix it.”

Me: “I already have. I’ve verified my ID with them. Now, if you just search Smith—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch. I can’t fix it from here.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s okay, I just wanted to know about this text—”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m not worried about the name. I just want to find out—”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Okay, yeah. Can I have a manager?”

Representative: “I can’t continue this call.”

Me: “Manager.”

Representative: “You’re going to have to go to the branch.”

Me: “Manager!”

And then she hung up on me.

I called in again, talked to a manager, and explained the situation. He went off, listened to the call, and very, very apologetically said something like, “I don’t know what her problem was. I found you in the system right away.”

I work for a mobile phone company in inbound customer service. One night, a customer calls about having his SIM card cancelled. In case of theft, we always waive the fees for ordering a new one.

Me: “Good evening, you are speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I would like to cancel my card and order a new one.”

After properly identifying him:

Me: “And what’s the reason you need a new one?”

Caller: “It’s buried.”

Pause. 

Me: “What exactly do you mean by ‘buried’? By your dog?”

Caller: “Yeah… no. You see, I am a gravedigger. After closing the last grave, I noticed my phone was missing.”

Cue me biting my lips and trying to stay as professional as possible. I failed.

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