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    Customers Should Watch Their Language

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Language & Words, Technology, Top

    (I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

    Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

    Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Because I have an accent.”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

    *a few seconds of silence*

    Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

    Prismatically Incorrect

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Funny Names

    Customer: “Hi, do your Renaissance cake toppers have Swastika crystals?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean Swarovski crystals?”

    Customer: “Yeah, those.”

    No Chance Of Defying Gravity

    | Texas, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    Customer: “I bought tickets for Wicked on Broadway and I want a refund.”

    Me: “Okay, was your show postponed or canceled? That’s the only time we can give refunds.”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t able to watch the show so I want my money back.”

    Me: “Why were you unable to watch the show?”

    Customer: “When we got to our seats my husband felt sick from being so high up and we had to leave.”

    Me: “When you purchased the tickets were you aware that they were in the balcony?”

    Customer: “The woman told me they were in the balcony but I didn’t know what that meant. I know what a balcony on a house is, but a theater isn’t a house. I’m not stupid.”

    Me: “If you weren’t sure about the seat placement, why didn’t you ask for clarification?”

    Customer: “I didn’t want to sound stupid. I’m not stupid!”

    Pray They’re Talking About Baby Goats

    | Texas, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (This takes place after setting up installation date for the caller’s service.)

    Me: “Now, do you have any pets or animals that we need the technician to know about?”

    Caller: “Nah, he’ll be alright. I’ll just tie my kids up in the back-yard.”

    Did A Number On This One

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am calling a customer.)

    Me: “May I speak to [customer's name] please?”

    Woman: “He’s not here.”

    Me: “This is [name], with [phone company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the 5th and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”

    Woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”


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