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    How Not To Curry Favor

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

    Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

    Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

    Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

    Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

    Coriander Kimchi

    | CA, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [interpreting company]. What language do you need?”

    Customer: “I need Coriander.”

    Me: “Coriander? Do you mean ‘Korean’?”

    Customer: “No, they said they need Coriander.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any interpreters that speak Coriander. I can provide you with a Korean interpreter, however.”

    Customer: “Okay, but I’m pretty sure they said they needed Coriander…”

    Special Sale: Half Price Gravity

    | N. Mankato, MN, USA |

    (I work in customer service at a call center. We were running a promotion on engraved pens and the caller has decided she wants to buy 5000 pens. She inquires about shipping and upon hearing the price begins drilling me on the weight of the pens (233.33lbs) and the full cost of the order ($1,576.36).)

    Me:“Okay, so shipping looks like it will be about $100.”

    Customer:“Why so much?”

    Me: “Well, as that is a very large number of metal pens. The weight will be about 233.33 pounds.”

    Customer: “But why does it weigh so much?”

    Me: “Because, ma’am, that’s 5000 metal pens.”

    Customer: “But how much does that cost total?”

    Me: “$1,576.36.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll call back tomorrow and see how much it weighs then.”

    Time To Google Google

    | Glasgow, UK |

    (A customer had trouble remembering his password for his email address.)

    Me: “Sir, if you can just go to Google and type in [address], it will take you to the website to reset your password.”

    *long silence*

    Me: “Are you on the website sir?”

    Caller: “I think my nephew has been on here and deleted Google from the internet.”

    GPS: Great Practitioners Of Stupidity

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    Me: “Hello, this is [taxi service]. Can I have your pickup address please?”

    Caller: “I don’t know!”

    Me: “Well, you will need to tell me some kind of an address.”

    Caller: “Why can’t you just ‘GPS’ me?”

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