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    Health Care(less), Part 3

    , | Mississippi, USA | Money

    (I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

    Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

    (I look up his policy in our database.)

    Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

    Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

    Health Care(less), Part 2
    Health Care(less)

    Attack Of The Third Dimensional Dimwits

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am explaining to a customer how to program his pre-paid phone.)

    Me: “Alright, the sequence you need to press is Pound(#)-8678423 to program your phone.”

    Caller: “What?”

    Me: “Press Pound-8678423 on the phone’s number pad.”

    Caller: “I don’t see anything that says ‘Pound’.”

    Me: “The Pound key looks like a tic-tac-toe. It’s the button right under the 9 key.”

    Caller: “You mean I have to take apart my phone, pull off the numbers, and press this ‘Pound’ key to get the thing working?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, don’t take the phone apart. The Pound key is below the 9 and to the right of the zero.”

    Caller: “But I’m telling you, I can’t get to that key if it’s under the 9! I have to take the 9 off to see it!”

    Do Not Pay Debts, Go Directly To Jail

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite TV company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’ve bought some used equipment. I need to turn it on.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Could I have the serial number?”

    (The serial number brings up an account in collections for over $800.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot activate your equipment until the previous owner closes his account. Can you contact him?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Caller: “He’s in jail in Mexico.”

    Bleeding For A Cause

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I call people to request for them to come in and donate blood.)

    Me: “Hello! This is [name] with the blood center.”

    Male customer: “Oh, is it that time of the month again?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Male customer: “I just realized what I said.”

    Friends In Unusual Places

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

    Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

    Customer: “So, who did then?”

    Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

    Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

    (The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

    Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

    Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

    Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

    Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

    (After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

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