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    Common Sense On The Decline(d)

    | Canada |

    Caller: “My credit card was declined and I want to know why! I’ve never been so embarrassed! I will be canceling my credit card with your f***ing bank as soon as I make this last transaction!”

    (After properly identifying the customer, being yelled at for having to ask security questions and looking through the account, I find the answer.)

    Me: “The purchase did not go through today because you requested a hold on your account last week when you left your credit card at a shopping mall.”

    Caller: “Are you suggesting I’m stupid? I know I asked for a hold, but wouldn’t you incompetent people realize I must have my credit card if I am attempting a purchase?”

    (I remain silent as the customer realizes what they have just said.)

    Caller: “Oh!”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do to help you today?”

    Caller: *click*

    Not So Smart-Phone, Part 2

    | IN, USA |

    Caller: “How do I make a call from this touch-screen phone? I can’t figure it out.”

    Me: “Are you calling from the device?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “Repeat what you did, but with a different number.”

    Related:
    Not So Smart-Phone

    Education Is Wasted On The Young

    | Ohio, USA |

    (A number comes across the screen with the same area code as my hometown.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could give me the number for the store in [town]. I live over in [town I grew up in].”

    Me: “Sure thing. So you live in [town]? I grew up there. I just graduated in ’06.”

    Customer: “Oh wow! What a small world! I graduated in ’82.”

    Me: “That’s awesome. Okay, that number is [number].”

    Customer: “Thanks! Wow, 1906…that’s incredible.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I graduated in 2006, not 1906.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you sound so young!”

    Cold Calling

    | California, USA | Bizarre

    Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Ralph ******?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, he’s dead.”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m very sorry for your loss.”

    Me: “It’s okay. It’s been 20 years. I think we’re over it.”

    No Paws For Thought

    | Canada | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, [Public Transport], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

    Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

    (We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

    Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

    Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

    Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

    Caller: “Why not?!”

    (The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

    Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”


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