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    Massive Fan But Sadly Not A Breeze

    | London, UK | Money

    (Customer calls to order some Justin Bieber-printed merchandise. We get to the checkout phase.)

    Me: “Right, that’s [price].”

    Caller: “I’m a massive fan. Can I get a fan discount?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Caller: “I’m a member of the fan club. I should get discount for that or something!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but we aren’t able to give that kind of discount.”

    Caller: “This is appalling. You should give his fans money off! We deserve it! His fans shouldn’t have to pay as much for his products!”

    Me: “Madam, I doubt anyone who wasn’t a fan would be buying these anyway. So, technically, you are getting the fan price.”

    *silence*

    Caller: “Screw this. I’ll do it online!”

    Not The Apple From The Tree Of Knowledge

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [mobile carrier's name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have an issue with my iPhone.”

    Me: “I will be happy to help you. What is the issue with your iPhone?

    Customer: “It’s just that when I turn it on, the apple on the screen appears bitten. Is that okay?”

    IQ Phone Home

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [phone support]. What appears to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m calling because I have been unable to make phone calls from my home phone.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what phone are you calling from right now?”

    Caller: “My home phone, why?” *pause* “Wait, you’ve fixed it! Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Floods Cause A Whole Raft Of Problems

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (Queensland is suffering major flooding throughout the state. I’m tracking a customer’s order that was placed last week and still hasn’t arrived.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve tracked your order with our courier. Unfortunately, due to flooding there are a lot of road closures which is why your order has not been delivered.”

    Customer: “But it’s not even raining that much, and the water isn’t that high in the streets.”

    Me: “I am sorry for any inconvenience but the courier can not risk driving through flood water.”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “So it won’t be here today?”

    Me: “Not unless you have a boat.”

    Click here to donate to the Queensland Flood Relief:
    http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

    Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Health & Body

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [company name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”
     
    Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”
     
    Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”
     
    Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”
     
    Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”

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