A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 3

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

(As part of my job, I have to call potential leads and obtain information so that we can give them a quote. I am on the phone with a customer and have just finished obtaining all of the information I need.)

Me: “That’s all the information I need. One of the agents will contact you within a few days and will send a copy of the quote to your email address.”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: “My name is Carolyn.”

Customer: “No. Your name is Carol-INE. Do you mind if I call you Caroline?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “Thanks, Carol-INE! Have a good day!”

Related:
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2
A Bozo By Any Other Name

Something Smells Fishy, Part 3

| Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

Customer: “Last night, I was drunk on a boat and I threw my phone overboard. Now it is on the bottom of the lake. Can you send someone to pick it up for an exchange?”

Me: “I thought I heard you said it is on the bottom of a lake.”

Customer: “Yes, it is. Can you send someone?”

Me: “No, we cannot send someone to the bottom of the lake to pick it up. Also, since you don’t have your phone, we can’t exchange it.”

Customer: “But I do have it, it’s in the bottom of the lake.”

Me: “Then, you don’t have it.”

Customer: “But, I do have it. I mean, it’s not in my hands but I know where it is, so it counts as if I had it.”

Me: “No, it doesn’t, sir. Besides, we need to have the phone first in order to send you a replacement.”

Customer: “I do have it. It’s at the bottom of the lake!”

Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover liquid damage.”

Customer: “How do you know it has liquid damage?”

Me: “The phone is at the bottom of a lake!”

Related:
Something Smells Fishy, Part 2
Something Smells Fishy

In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

, | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

Trust Me, You’re (Not) A Doctor

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Health & Body

Me: “Hello, this is ***** Healthcare line. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling because my son just ate a bunch of ants.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your son ate ants?”

Caller: “Yes! I was wondering if I need to take him to the hospital and see a doctor.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I don’t think you need to worry. I don’t think the ants will make him sick, but I advise that he doesn’t eat any more of them.”

Caller: “Well, I gave him some ant killer to get rid of them.”

Caller’s friend: “Get him to the emergency room, now!”

Spoiled Like The Food On Your Dirty Dishes

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(I answer phones for a major appliance company. It’s Saturday.)

Customer: “My dishwasher’s broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Would you like me to schedule a technician to come out for you?”

Customer: “No! [Company] already did that! They told me I have to wait till Monday! I can’t believe you people expect me to go two whole days without a dishwasher. This is inhumane! I can’t do this. I have four kids!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it sounds to me like you have four dishwashers.”

Customer: “How dare you tell me how to raise my kids! I can’t believe the nerve of you people!”

Me: “Well, do you give them an allowance?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t see how that’s any of your business!”

Me: “Do they do chores to earn it?”

Customer: “My children don’t have to earn their way through life. They’re angels!”

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