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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Getting Landlines Tangled

    | Ireland | Liars & Scammers

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, this is [me], may I please speak to [customer]?”

    Customer: “Yes, speaking.”

    Me: “I am calling from [company name]. There is a slight issue with your account. Do you have a moment to discuss this issue now?”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I have terrible reception here.”

    Me: “Sir, I am speaking to you on your home phone.”

    Customer: “What?!” *hangs up*

    No Holding Back

    | Webster, NY, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] support, can I have your employee ID number, please?”

    Caller: “Yeah, can you put me on hold?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I called before and complained about the awful hold music you guys use. I want to see if you changed it.”

    Me: “Hold on just a minute.”

    (I put the caller on hold for a minute.)

    Me: “Hello, are you still there ma’am?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’m here.”

    Me: “So is the hold music any less awful?”

    Caller: “No, not really. Thanks.” *click*

    Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

    | Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners

    Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

    Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

    Me: “Bertha, sir?”

    Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

    Undeserved Credit

    | Ohio, USA | Funny Names

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: *yelling* “I want to make sure that idiot woman I spoke with a little while ago credited my card back because I think she was stupid and didn’t know what she was doing!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll be happy to check on that credit for you today. After looking at the account, it looks like it was credited back to the credit card as stated it would be.”

    Caller: “Are you sure that idiot did it? She sounded like a liar to me!”

    (After looking closer at the account, I see it was me who spoke to her last.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did take care of that credit just like I said I would when you called me a little while ago.”

    Caller: *silence* “Uh… I knew you would. You’re such a sweet girl!”

    When A Firewall Just Doesn’t Cut The Mustard

    | Norway | Technology

    Me: “Can you check the cable from the wall to your router?”

    Customer: “What cable?”

    Me: “The DSL cable. The one that goes from the phone-outlet in the wall, to the router.”

    Customer: “That ‘wall’ you are talking about…is that something you installed for me?”


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