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    Need To Purge That Urge

    | WA, USA |

    Me: “Hi! Thanks for calling. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I need to know what kinds of [adult] toys you sell.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can show you how to use our search feature! Are you on the website now?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to look. I want you to tell me! Describe them.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can help you use the website.”

    (The customer gets upset, and starts talking about her physical urges that demand these items.)

    Me: “I will be more than happy to show you how to search on the website. If not, I will need to end this call.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a computer.”

    Me: “Well, do you have a friend’s computer, or maybe internet on your phone that you can use?”

    Customer: “Nah, I don’t have none of that.”

    Me: “Well, maybe a public library?”

    Customer: “Nah. They don’t let me in there no more.”

    Might Have To Go Through Alternative Channels

    | Lincoln, NE, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite tv]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just bought new equipment. Turn it on for me.”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (I take down customer’s info. I try to turn his satellite TV on with no success.)

    Me: “Sir, is your receiver hooked up?”

    Customer: “Yea, it’s plugged in.”

    Me: “Is it connected to the TV?”

    Customer: “Of course. I’m not an idiot!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, they make us ask. Is your satellite dish installed on your roof?”

    Customer: “Is my what on the roof?”

    Me: “Your dish, sir. Is it on the roof?”

    Customer: “I don’t have a dish on the roof, but I have over fifty of them in the kitchen.”

    Post-Grammatic Stress, Part 2

    | East Midlands, England, UK |

    Me: “What date did you arrive in the UK?”

    Customer: “Because I am teacher of English as second language.”

    Studying Post-Grammatic Stress
    Post-Grammatic Stress

    Circular Calls

    | PA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, does your phone number still work?”

    Me: “Well, you’re taking to me…so yes.”

    Brokers With Chokers

    , | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    (We sell all types of insurance, including bonds. I am on the phone to a customer.)

    Caller: “Do you guys do bondage there?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. However, the gentleman that handles that is all tied up at the moment.”

    Customer: “Oh. Haha. Um…yeah.”

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