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    IQ Phone Home

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [phone support]. What appears to be the problem?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m calling because I have been unable to make phone calls from my home phone.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what phone are you calling from right now?”

    Caller: “My home phone, why?” *pause* “Wait, you’ve fixed it! Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Floods Cause A Whole Raft Of Problems

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (Queensland is suffering major flooding throughout the state. I’m tracking a customer’s order that was placed last week and still hasn’t arrived.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve tracked your order with our courier. Unfortunately, due to flooding there are a lot of road closures which is why your order has not been delivered.”

    Customer: “But it’s not even raining that much, and the water isn’t that high in the streets.”

    Me: “I am sorry for any inconvenience but the courier can not risk driving through flood water.”

    *long pause*

    Customer: “So it won’t be here today?”

    Me: “Not unless you have a boat.”

    Click here to donate to the Queensland Flood Relief:
    http://www.qld.gov.au/floods/donate.html

    Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Health & Body

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [company name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”
     
    Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”
     
    Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”
     
    Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”
     
    Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”

    Pretty Obvious

    | OR, USA |

    (I work for a wireless service company. I’m taking a look over a customer’s account to determine if he’s eligible for a discount on a new phone.)

    Customer: “You sound really pretty. Way prettier than the last girl I talked to here.”

    Me: “I can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “I’m not saying that to get anything from you, I just think you sound pretty.”

    Me: “I still can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “Well then, you sound equally as pretty as the last girl!”

    How Not To Curry Favor

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

    Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

    Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

    Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

    Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

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