And I Live On Mt. Soh-Cah-Doh-ah

| Worcester, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

Me: “It’s a continent.”

Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

Self-Fulfilling Animosity

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

(The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

They Don’t Insure Against Dumb

| Texas, USA |

(I work in a human resources call center. I’m walking an employee through electing her benefits online. She says she is getting an error message when she tries to save her changes.)

Caller: “It says, ‘check here to opt out of health insurance or check here to select [insurance provider].’ What should I click?”

Me: “Well, if you want to opt out of health insurance, click on the top one. If you want [insurance provider], click the bottom one.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. What’s the difference between the two?”

Me: “One is health insurance and the other one is no health insurance.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh.”

Shooting The Message-less Messenger

| Montreal, Canada |

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached Jen at [company].”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi.”

Customer: “Who is this?”

Me: “Jen.”

Customer: “Jen?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

Stripped Of Your Cash

| Tampa, FL, USA | Money, Rude & Risque

(The cardholder sounds very very drunk.)

Caller: “Why did you let the card take out $5,000?”

Me: “It shows that you did an ATM withdrawal for $5,000 in Las Vegas, NV. Was this you?”

Caller: “No! It was the stripper she took it. She took it! Why did you let her take it?”

Me: “Your card was stolen by a stripper?”

Caller: “No, no, no! Why aren’t you listening to me?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand. What happened?”

Caller: “I wanted a lap dance. So, I gave the stripper my card and PIN number to get money.”

Me: “You gave her your card and PIN and told her to get $5000?”

Caller: “No! Why aren’t you listening to me? I told the stripper to get $300 for my lap dance.”

Me: “So, she took too much money?”

Caller: “Why did you let her? When is she coming back? I want my lap dance.”

(This goes on for a little while with the caller slurring his speech and stuttering.)

Caller: “Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “What would you like me to do?”

Caller: “Fine! Don’t help me. I’ll go back to the tables and win back my fortune!”

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