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    Please Do Not Press The Beeping Button

    | Machesney Park, IL, USA |

    (I’m conducting a customer satisfaction survey over the phone.)

    Me: “Using a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your cable service?”

    (I hear a ‘beep’.)

    Me: “I need to you actually say the number, not dial it on your phone.”

    Customer: “Isn’t this automated?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not a machine. Could you please say what number you would rate your cable service?”

    Customer: “8.”

    Me: “Great! And using the same scale, how would you rate your internet service?”


    Me: “I still need you to say the number.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I got confused. 8.”

    Me: “Okay, and how would you rate your phone service?”


    (This went on for all thirty questions.)

    Ink Isn’t The Only Thing Running Low

    , | Location undisclosed |

    Customer: “Whenever I try to print my statement from your website, it always comes out really light. I don’t have this problem with other websites. Are you guys out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Are you using your home computer?”

    Customer: “Yes. I already called the ink cartridge company. They said it’s not their fault.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re trying to print at home, it’s a problem with your home computer. Our printers are working just fine.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not out of ink?”

    Me: “No. Maybe you should have someone look at your computer’s settings.”

    Customer: “Should I call the ink cartridge company again?”

    Me: “I don’t think that will fix it.”

    Customer: “Okay. I’ll call the ink cartridge company again. Thanks! Bye!”

    You’re Watching The Braille Channel

    | Preston, Lancashire, UK |

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “The problem is you sent me a blind person’s television!”

    Me: “Pardon me, sir?”

    Customer: “You heard me! A television you sell to blind people!”

    Me: “I am sorry, nothing like that exists. Are you sure the TV is not just faulty?”

    Customer: “I don’t care what’s wrong with it! All I know is I am not blind!”

    Now I (Don’t) Know My ABCs

    | Oregon, USA |

    Me: “I just need you to type in ‘Http’.”


    Me: “H like hotel, t like tom, t like tom, p like papa.”

    Caller: “Htcp?”

    Me: “Almost. H like hotel, T like Tom, T like Tom, P like Papa.”

    Caller: “Chtc?”

    Me: “Our connection must be rough.” *very slowly* “H like hoooteeel, T like Tommm, T like Tommm, P like Paaapaaa.”

    Caller: “Oh! Ghtc!”

    Me: “Let me send you a link.”

    You Got The Wrongest Email

    | Upstate, NY, USA |

    Caller: “I’d like to get more information about [program].”

    Me: “I’d be glad to help you with that, sir. Actually, we sent an email to you earlier in the week about it.”

    Caller: “Really? I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s in my spam folder.”

    (He checks his spam folder.)

    Caller: “Well, I don’t see your email. There’s something about how male-enhancement drugs can improve my bedroom performance. That’s not from you guys, is it?”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

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