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    This Call Has Been Terminated

    | Wisconsin, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

    Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

    Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

    Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

    Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

    Some Callers Are Proper Dementor

    | Racine, WI, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Top

    (I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”

    Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”

    Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”

    (There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)

    Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”

    (He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)

    Pride Goeth Before A Deal

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Canada, Money, Top

    (I work at a call center in Canada dealing with American cell customers. This is a call from a customer in Seattle.)

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [Company Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Does your company outsource to India?”

    Me: “I don’t know for sure, but I know it does hire companies out of the USA.”

    Caller: “I’d like to cancel my service, then.”

    Me: “I can do that for you. May I ask why you’d like to cancel?”

    Caller: “I don’t support companies that don’t support America. If they’re hiring out of America, then I don’t want to support them.”

    Me: “Alright, I’ll process that cancellation for you.”

    Caller: “Am I calling to India?!”

    Me: “No. I’m actually in Canada.”

    Caller: “Oh, I love Canada! I do all my shopping there. Everything is so much cheaper!”

    H2Slow, Part 3

    | Minnesota, USA | Money, Tourists/Travel

    Caller: "I was just wondering if my credit card will work the same in Hawaii as it does here?"

    Me: "Well, ma’am, Hawaii is part of the US, so it should."

    Caller: "I know. I was just making sure since we’d be flying over a body of water."

    Related:
    H2Slow, Part 2
    H2Slow

    No Vocation For Location, Part 2

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Yes I am wondering why I got hit with roaming charges in the Bahamas?”

    Me: “Well, because your plan offers you coverage in the United States and outside of it there are roaming charges.”

    Customer: “Well I never got these charges in Puerto Rico!”

    Me: “That’s because Puerto Rico is part of the US.”

    Customer: “But it takes me longer to get there!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude


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