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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Escort This One Away

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (A customer is claiming fraud on his CC for two charges from an adult escort service. He has his card, but I show the charges with the card present. He lives in California, and the charges are from Colorado. I call the merchant and can prove this isn’t fraud. The customer is trying to get out of paying his bill. There’s a charge from a Colorado towing service, then the escort charges.)

    Me: “Thank you for holding, sir. I am about to update the information. I just need to go over a few other things here before we can continue. I see a charge for a towing service for. Is that a valid charge you made?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s mine. That’s a valid charge.”

    Me: “Did you go to Colorado recently? And stay at the Golden Hotel, in room 222?”

    Customer: *realizing I’ve done my homework* “…yes.”

    Me: “Sir, I called the merchant. I asked them how they verify their transactions. They verified your name, address, phone number, and driver’s license. They have a copy of the license, an imprint of your card, and they verified what hotel you were staying at. Everything matches. This is not fraud. You’re going to have to dispute with the merchant.”

    Customer: “But, that’s not my charge. I don’t live in Colorado.”

    Me: “Sir, I have nothing that proves to me that this is fraud. Unless you have more information you’re not giving me, we can’t take this as fraud for services you received. Did you not receive any services?”

    Customer: “So, I have to call the merchant. Goodbye.” *click*

    Yukon Call Them

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Caller: “Hello, this is [name] from [company]. I’m calling to get the satellite hooked up.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, could you say that again?”

    Caller: “This is [name] from [company] in Guyana. You know, Guyana, South America. We ordered satellite service last week.”

    (Our company has nothing to do with satellites. We do not have service anywhere near Guyana. I explain as such to the caller.)

    Caller: “Oh. Well, where are you located? Brazil?”

    Me: “No, sir. We’re up in Canada.”

    Caller: “Oh dear, I DO have the wrong number, don’t I?”

    Related:
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
    Yukon Not Spend It
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan

    Childs-pay

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    Customer: “Okay, so do you take credit card?”

    Me: “Of course we do. We take Visa, Mastercard, American Express, first born child…you know, the usual.”

    Customer: “Trust me, you do not want my first born child. He’s 41 and way too much of a liability for your company.”

    This One Will Be Slow To Register

    | Hays, KS, USA |

    (I am supervisor. I take calls from normal representatives when customers ask for it.)

    Me: “Why is the customer escalating?”

    Representative: “He doesn’t know what he purchased.”

    (Although skeptical, I have the rep bring the customer on.)

    Me: “I’d be happy to help you out, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “The last guy wouldn’t register my product.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to. When was it purchased?”

    Customer: “Today.”

    Me: “And how much did you pay?”

    Customer: “$50.”

    Me: “Alright, what is the product?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “I need to know what it is to register it, sir.”

    Customer: “Why can’t you just register it without that?”

    Video Killed The Emergency Radio Broadcast

    | Buffalo, NY, USA |

    (It is 2005. Hurricane Wilma has just flattened our service area.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Look son, I just got my generator going. Where’s my f***ing cable TV?”

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