• A Pain In The Nugget
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    Zombies Like Shamu Too

    | Florida, USA | Liars & Scammers, Zombies

    (I work for a call center for a popular marine life theme park in Florida.)

    Caller: “I need to cancel the pass for one of my members. He’s deceased.”

    (I look into the account and realize that a few months prior, she had another pass for the same guy cancelled as well, due to him also being deceased. Since the first cancelled pass, this individual had been to the park four separate times.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I am unable to cancel this pass. For verification purposes, you would need to fax the appropriate paperwork or go to guest relations at the park.”

    Caller: *defeated* “Fine, how about I just pay it off in full?”

    The Gauntlet Has Been Phoned

    | Worcestershire, UK | Uncategorized

    (An irate caller is being very nasty and swearing at me down the phone.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you carry on talking to me like that, I will terminate the phone call.”

    Caller: “Go on, then. I f***ing dare you.”

    Me: “I would like to carry on this conversation calmly, but I will terminate the phone call if you carry on swearing at me.”

    Caller: “I f***ing dare you.”

    Me: *hangs up*

    Above And Beyond The Call

    , | Norway | Uncategorized

    (I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

    Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

    Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

    Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

    Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

    Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

    (I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

    Me: “Try [number].”

    Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

    Don’t Forget ASL, Too

    , | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

    (A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

    Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

    Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

    Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

    Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

    Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

    Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]’. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

    Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

    Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

    Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something, Part 2

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a refund on [membership]. I never used it.”

    Me: “No problem! Actually, I’m looking at your account here and it looks like you tried to buy it, but at the time, your credit card failed and so you never actually purchased it.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I know. It looks like you never bought it in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have it and I was never able to use it. So you’re not going to refund me?”

    Me: “I can’t–”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me!”

    Me: “I can’t refund you because you didn’t buy anything.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Just put the money back on my card!”

    Me: “I can’t put money back on your card because we never took any off.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me! This is terrible customer service.”

    Me: “Sir, you never bought anything. How can I give you back money we never took from you? Where would the money come from?”

    Customer: “Just give it to me! Why is this so hard?”

    Me: “Okay, can you look at your credit card and tell me the exact date that we charged you? If it turns out that your records are more correct than mine, I’m happy to refund you.”

    Customer: “No! I’m not going to do that! Why should I check my credit card statement!?”

    Me: “According to our records, you never bought anything. I can’t give you back money that you didn’t spend. If our records are wrong, I can refund you.”

    Customer: “I’m not going to check anything! This is the worst customer service experience I have ever had! I can’t believe you’re giving me such a hard time over such a small amount of money!”

    Me: “Actually, I’m giving you such a hard time over no money because you never bought anything.”

    Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

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