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  • The Great Customer Disconnect

    | Mexico | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ve been with no TV since this morning. I want to know what the f*** is happening with your service!”

    Me: “I really apologize about this issue, sir. I will be more than happy to help you by troubleshooting your system. Would you please verify if your TV is connected to the source?”

    Customer: “Do you think I am stupid? I would not be calling if the TV is disconnected and— never mind.”

    (The customer hung up. No further explanations.)

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 4

    , | Dublin, Ireland | Crazy Requests, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer calls to book a flight from London to Berlin. The aircraft assigned for that route had recently been changed from a jet-engine to a propeller plane. I am required to inform passengers when booking the flight.)

    Customer: “A propeller plane? But if the engine stops working, the ‘plane will fall from the sky!”

    (I was momentarily silenced as I tried to work out how this wasn’t also true for the jet aircraft. The passenger eventually decided to chance it and booked the flight.)

    Related:
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 3
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    Can Make Your Head Swim

    | Stevens Point, WI, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (At the call center I work at we get weird calls from people testing out the service all the time. Some include random trivia questions, about random subjects. We have to answer all questions seriously and try to get sources if we can.)

    Me: “Thank you for contacting [Company] Concierge. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I have a question.”

    (At this point I see he is calling in from Texas.)

    Me: “Certainly, I’ll do my best to answer any question you may have.”

    Customer: “Well, this is a serious question. Are you sure?”

    Me: “Anything at all. No need to be shy. What’s the question?”

    Customer: “Well… um… can deer swim?”

    Me: “Let me check for you, sir… Well, sir, I found a YouTube video of a deer swimming, and I’m watching it right now. So, yes. Deer can swim.”

    Customer: “For real?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, deer can swim.”

    Customer: “I just don’t believe it. I need to see it myself. Can you send me a link to that video?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It will just take a second as I send that.”

    Customer: *slightly muffled* “Honey, sounds like deer can swim. I know. I can’t believe it.”

    Charlie Is Barely Barley, Bizarrely

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (We interact with customers over the phone, and sometimes have to spell things out for them, so for clarity’s sake, we are encouraged to memorize and use the NATO phonetics to spell when needed. A as in Alpha, B as in Bravo…)

    Me: “Okay, please type this in: C for Charlie—”

    Customer: “B for barley?”

    (So much for clarity!)

    Crazy Is Flowering

    , | NJ, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work in a flower delivery company call center, in customer service. We take orders and send them out to local floral shops all over the country. I’m working in ‘order modification.’)

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name] speaking. Can I start by getting your name?”

    Customer: “My name? Why do you need that?”

    Me: “I need to identify who is calling and how to address you, but that’s okay. Can I have your recipient’s name?”

    Customer:Recipipant? What’s a recipipant?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the RECIPIENT is who is getting the flowers. May I have their name?”

    Customer: “Well… I don’t know what a recipient is but the delivery getter’s name is [Recipient]. I need you to change my order. I need you to change my name to spell it the correct way.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I was able to find your order by the recipient’s name. I can change your spelling of your name for you. Can you tell me the correct spelling?”

    Customer: “No. I will not tell you. You have no right to ask me things this personal. You can fix it yourself. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

    Supervisor: “I didn’t know you were so intrusive and psychic. How do you get all the crazies?”

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