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  • So Much Irony That It’s Unheard Of

    | East Midlands, UK |

    Me: “What was the name of the company you worked for?”

    Caller: “Sorry?”

    Me: “What was the name of the company you worked for?”

    Caller: “Did you ask for the name of the company I worked for?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Caller: “They were called ‘The Listening Company’.”

    Your Solution May Go Up In Smoke

    | Hampshire, UK |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

    Caller: “I think I have a gas leak. I’ve been trying to find it with a lighter, but no success yet. Could you send somebody out?”

    Me: “Sorry, what? You’re trying to find it with a lighter?”

    Caller: “Yes, I thought it would help.”

    Me: “It absolutely won’t! Do not use it! Turn off all your appliances and call [emergency gas service number].”

    Caller: “Oh, okay…I was only trying to help!”

    Internet Disaster Preparedness

    , | England, UK | Technology

    (Line activations for Internet service can take up until midnight of the activation date. I am explaining this to the customer and helping him get the software installed on his PC in the meantime.)

    Customer: “So, what kind of things can go wrong?”

    Me: “Well, a number of things. Most of them are relatively simple to sort out and we should be able to talk it through.”

    Customer: “If it doesn’t work after midnight, if something goes wrong, what would I need to do?”

    Me: “Okay, well, we’re open 24 hours, so even if its one minute past midnight, give us a call back and we can do some troubleshooting.”

    Customer: “Send out an engineer. I don’t want some f***ing technically untrained idiot in call center messing around. I want an actual technician sent out.”

    Me: “I assure you, our call center staff are the first line of troubleshooting and can resolve the problem over the phone most of the time.”

    Customer: “Just send me out a f***ing engineer now. I know someone in a call centre wont be able to resolve my fault.”

    Me: “So, what exactly is the problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet!”

    Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind, Part 2

    | Kamloops, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    (A man calls me asking about his balance. The call starts out normal enough. In order get inform on account we need to get ID.)

    Me: “Okay, in order to help you, I need your full name and the last four digits of your social security number.”

    Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “Sir, if you want this information, I need to get your information.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my info!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “You’re just going to give it to your alien overlords!!!”

    Me: “Well, sir, we already have your information here. We just need you to provide it so that we can verify–”

    Customer: *screams and hangs up*

    Related:
    Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind

    What The 7734 Is Going On

    | Utah, USA |

    Customer: “I need the status of a package.”

    Me: “Okay. May I have the tracking number?”

    Customer: “My tracking number is 1E8L00L25–”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, are you sure that’s one of our tracking numbers? Generally, our numbers won’t have any letters in the middle.”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m sure those are the numbers.”

    Me: “Are you sure this package wasn’t sent with another service?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m absolutely positive that I sent it with you! It’s the right number, unless–”

    (He pauses for a moment as he tries to figure out what’s going on.)

    Customer: “Oh. I’m looking at it upside down. It’s 257007831.”

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