I used to work for a union in the “unemployment benefits” department. Most of our calls and emails concerned people who hadn’t received their unemployment benefits and were asking us why. People registered with us had to bring us a blue card with a calendar filled in with the days they worked, were sick, on holidays, and so on. The rules were written on the very first page. Still, people seemed not to get it.

Member #1: “You’re useless! Why didn’t I receive my money this month?!”

Me: “According to the system, you didn’t sign your blue card, sir.“

Member #1: “Oh. Can’t you sign it for me?“

Another day…

Member #2: “I received a document saying I’m not eligible for benefits anymore since my address is wrong. Could you check it for me?“

Me: “The last address I see here was [Address #1]. Did you move to another place?“

Member #2: “Yes, it’s been two months. I live in [Address #2] now. Why didn’t you change it in your database?“

Me: “Did you send us any documents saying you moved?“

Member #2: “No, you should have called to ask!”

Me: “Sir, we cannot just magically know you moved if you didn’t tell us.“

Member #2: “I pay an affiliation! You guys should have known!“

And my favourite…

Member #3: “I haven’t received anything for months! Why didn’t I receive my benefits?!”

Me: “Sir, the last documents we received were out of date. We don’t accept documents printed before 2015.”

Member #3: “I’ve always used this document and never had any problem with it!“

Me: “I don’t mean to be rude, but since you haven’t been paid for months according to you, clearly. you did have problems before.“

Member #3: “…It should be written somewhere!“

Me: “The rules are stated on the front page of the blue card, sir.“

Member #3: “Well, you should have told me!“

Me: “In our mailbox, I see we’ve sent several emails to [email address], and we didn’t get any reply.“

Member #3: “Oh, yeah, I don’t use that one anymore. So, when can you send me my money? You have all the documents, right?“

Me: “Well, we still need a valid blue card for the previous months.“

Member #3: “But I’ve always used those ones!“

Me: *Sigh*

In the days of cable boxes, I work in a call center for a TV provider as a supervisor. I have a call escalated to me and I immediately find out why.

Caller: “It always takes a second for the channel to change when I press the change channel button! My child keeps walking in on me watching the adult channel!”

Me: “I… see?”

Caller: “Well?”

Me: “Well… screaming at the billing department is not going to do a whole lot.”

Caller: “Make the channels change faster!”

Me: “Or… watch that stuff after your kids are in bed?”

To this day, I am not sure exactly what it is she wanted from me.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. I received my order today, but I didn’t receive my mouse.”

Me: “I’m so sorry you didn’t receive your complete order. Let me take a look at the order and see if I can find out what’s going on.”

I take her order information and pull up the order. There is a mousepad on the order but no mouse, so I double-check to make sure I didn’t mishear her.

Me: “Is it the mousepad that you didn’t receive?”

Caller: “No, I got the mousepad. I didn’t receive the mouse.”

I browse through the order again to make sure I didn’t miss an item. I also check to see if there might have been a mouse submitted with the order but it was out of stock or discontinued or back-ordered. For no specific reason, just a gut feeling, I also pull up the mousepad that she ordered on our website. Sure enough, one of the photos shows a mouse sitting on the pad.

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. I don’t show that there was a mouse included in the order, just the mousepad. The mouse would need to be ordered separately.”

Caller: “The mouse isn’t included?”

Me: “No, just the mousepad. If you need a mouse, those are sold separately.”

Caller: *Horrified* “I spent that much money on just a mousepad?!”

I completely sympathize with her horror. The mousepad she ordered was $35, which would still be a high price even if it came with a mouse. I don’t know if it was high because it’s ergonomic, because of the brand, or both.

I work in a tech support call center. We’re meant to try to solve every problem remotely if possible and only send out a tech if we absolutely cannot help over the phone. My boss thinks it’s never required to send out a tech, ever, and will show us examples of how we could have tried harder to avoid a call-out.

I receive a call from a customer.

Caller: “My Facebook isn’t working.”

Me: “Your Internet isn’t working?”

Caller: “Sure.”

Me: “Okay, so I’ll need you to open the browser.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s what you use to access your Internet.”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “The Internet?”

Caller: “Yes, what’s that?”

Me: “What do you do on your computer?”

Caller: “I check my Facebook.”

Me: “That’s Internet.”

Caller: “No, that’s Facebook.”

Me: “Okay, then I need you to go to your Facebook.”

Caller: “My Facebook isn’t working. I told you. Are you stupid?”

I figure it is going to be too difficult to get this caller to type in an IP address, so I try the brute force method.

Me: “Okay, let’s try a reset. Can you turn off your computer?”

Caller: “I don’t know how.”

Me: “Just shut it down.”

Caller: “I don’t know how.”

Me: “Click on the icon in the bottom left corner and select shut down.”

Caller: “What do you mean by ‘click’?”

Me: “By using your mouse.”

Caller: “What’s a mouse?”

Me: *Zero hesitation* “Okay, I am going to send a tech over to you.”

I played the call back to my boss. He admitted there was a first time for everything.

Back in the day, I worked for a bilingual outsourcing company that handled [Cellphone Provider]’s call center. This provider delivered prepaid service and had numerous customers so each agent could easily take seventy-plus calls per shift. That — combined with college and horrible management — made the job very exhausting, to the point where it wasn’t unusual for us to see coworkers having mental breakdowns, but we needed the money and we just dealt with it and moved on.

I was in the middle of finding a company to work with during my internship, I must note.

Some of the customers would chit-chat during the short periods of time when the system was processing their orders (how our days were going and so on), and we happily followed. Some others would be pretty demanding.

I had the closing shift until 11:00 pm. Some time around 8:00 pm, I got this customer. He was rushing the call and was very rude while giving me his information and waiting for the system to pull his account. He had a quick question before I started assisting him.

Customer: “Where are you guys located?”

We were in [South American country], but the headquarters offices were in [US City], and we were required to explain it that way, so I did.

Customer: “What?! Why am I not speaking to an American? Get me an American now!”

I was fed up and tired of his rudeness.

Me: “Mr. [Customer], if you paid attention during your geography class in elementary school, you should know that America is a huge continent and, while the US is a part of it, you’d be surprised to know that [My Country] is also part of it, too! That means I am as American as you. I even think I’m more American since, after looking at your last name, a clearly Nordic one, I can figure out that you’re probably a descendant of a European immigrant or perhaps, you are an immigrant yourself. I can transfer your call, and it’ll probably be answered by a [Southeastern Asian country] agent. So, how can I assist you today?”

He was very toned down, and for the rest of the call, he just answered my questions, and I added his minutes and finished the call as required.

It turns out that Quality Assurance was listening to that call, and I was called out to the account manager’s office. He pointed out QA’s findings and asked me to arrive half an hour earlier the next day to discuss it.

I found a missed call on my cellphone when I finished the shift that night and returned the call the next morning. It was a company accepting my internship, so later that morning, I quit my job at that call center. I never heard from the account manager again!

I guess I won a double prize that night!