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    Impractical Jokes

    , | Muskegon, MI, USA | Top

    Me: “911, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes?! Hello! I live at [location]. My husband was stabbed by a madman! Oh, god! He’s outside my bedroom door! He’s knocking on it!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, a police–”

    Caller: “What?!”

    (Suddenly, there is a lot of talking and a bit of laughing.)

    Caller, to someone else: “You ****! You scared the **** out of me! A prank?! I called the **** police! I could have gone to jail!”

    Caller, to me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s a false alarm.”

    Me: “Um, alright.”

    Caller: “Actually, send over a cop car. I’m about to murder two men.”

    Where There’s Smoke

    | Wales, UK |

    (I work at a fire alarm service company. I take a call from an exclusive boarding school.)

    Caller: “Your stupid fire system is going off again! It’s always doing this. We’re having an open day for parents, and this is going to ruin our reputation!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Have you checked that there isn’t a fire?”

    Caller: “It’s always false alarms. Just tell me how to turn it off.”

    (I explain how to stop the alarm from sounding. However, it will only work if the detectors are no longer detecting a fire.)

    Caller: “It hasn’t worked. It’s still saying that there is a fire in the dormitory!”

    Me: “Have you checked the dormitory for fire?”

    Caller: “Stay on the line. I’ll check.”

    (The line goes silent for ten minutes, but I can hear background noise.)

    Caller: “The dormitory is on fire.” *click*

    Gonna Be Hard To Go Back To Memphis

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “…and what state are you from?”

    Caller: “Memphis.”

    Me: “So, the state of Tennessee?”

    Caller: “No, I’m not from Tennessee! I’m from Memphis!”

    Me: “Sir, Memphis is in the state of Tennessee.”

    Caller: “It shouldn’t be!”

    Costs To Put You In The Red

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, this is [company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I am trying to print out a report. I was wondering if you could stop emailing it in color. The color ink is very expensive!”

    Rolling Your ‘R’s Can Be Bizarre

    | Philippines |

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you mean ‘R’ as in ‘Robert’?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I meant ‘R’ as in ‘Oscarrrrrrr’!”

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