Been In The Mountains This Whole Time

| Windsor, CO, USA | Geography

(I’m working the overnight shift and a man calls from Oklahoma to order some uniform shirts.)

Me: “It will just take a few minutes for the computer to process your order. It doesn’t always go through, so I would appreciate you staying on the line until I get confirmation.”

Customer: “I’m really glad you’re there to put this order in for me. I need those shirts as soon as possible, but I was worried it would be going to a machine by 10 PM.”

Me: “Yes, there’s always someone in the office. It’s actually 11 PM here.”

Customer: “Oh, so y’all are on the west coast?”

Me: “No, we’re located in Colorado. I think it’s 10 PM on the west coast.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Colorado has the same time as we do here!”

Me: “I believe that Oklahoma is in the Central time zone, sir. Colorado is on Mountain time, which is an hour behind Central.”

Customer: “There’s no such thing as Mountain time!”

Me: “Sir, having lived here all my life, I can assure you that there is. The Mountain time zone covers several states in the U.S.”

Customer: “No! There’s Eastern time, Central time, and Pacific time!”

Me: “Yes, there are all of those, but there’s also Mountain time. The United States covers four time zones. Between your state and Nevada is the Mountain time zone.”

Customer: “You’re not fooling?

Me: “Not fooling. There is definitely a Mountain time zone, and I live in it.”

Customer: “Well, I never heard of Mountain time!”

Me: “Right. Well, all I can tell you is that it’s been that way as long as I can remember, but I’m only 22. Your order is complete, sir. Have a nice night.”

Time For A New Brain

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

Local And Lost

| Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

Me: “What state are you in?”

Customer: “Oregon.”

Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

Driver: “The right lane.”

(The police report indicates differently.)

Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

Makes Perfect (Non)sense

| Missouri, USA | Bizarre

(I work at a mail order pharmacy at the receptionist desk. This call comes into the switchboard.)

Me: “Thank you for calling pharmacy. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I wanna talk to [name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is no one here by that name. Are you a customer of ours?”

Caller: “I need to speak with [different name] because Barack Obama sent some men to try and kill me!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, are you a patient? Do you need medication from us?”

Caller: “No, [different name] stole my rent money and Barack Obama is working with OJ Simpson, who’s in prison, and they are sending some men after me to kill me! Obama apologized to me publicly, but he didn’t mean it! Now he’s trying to send OJ Simpson to kill me!”

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