Caller: “So, where are you located?”

Me: “Canada.”

Caller: “Oh my God! I’m speaking to Canada!”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Wow, you speak English really good!”

Me: “Uh, thank you?”

Caller: *yells to husband excitedly* “Hey Bobby! I’m speaking to a foreign country!”

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

Me: “Its 9pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

Me: “It’ll be 9:30pm.”

Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So that’s how it works?”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

(I’m talking to a caller about warranty issues for their kitchen appliance.)

Me: “Unfortunately sir, that serial number tells me that your appliance is out of warranty. Do you happen to have a sales receipt or other proof of purchase showing it was purchased during the warranty period?”

Caller: “No, it was a gift. I just got it for Christmas.”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that sir. Is there any way you would be able to get the receipt from the person who got it for you? Or even a bank or credit card statement showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “But it was a gift!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but without a proof of purchase, there’s nothing I can do under warranty. Are you positive you can’t check with the gift-giver and see if you can get something showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “It was from Santa!”

(An elderly customer we have would order a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [credit card company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”

Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”

Me: “What exactly is wrong with it ma’am?”

Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”

Me: “How can you tell this?”

Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”

Customer: “How long will the internet house move take?”

Me: “7-10 working days.”

Customer: “Are you serious? What about my Farmville?”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s how long it takes.”

Customer: “But my crops will wither and die!”