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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Where There’s Smoke

    | Wales, UK |

    (I work at a fire alarm service company. I take a call from an exclusive boarding school.)

    Caller: “Your stupid fire system is going off again! It’s always doing this. We’re having an open day for parents, and this is going to ruin our reputation!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Have you checked that there isn’t a fire?”

    Caller: “It’s always false alarms. Just tell me how to turn it off.”

    (I explain how to stop the alarm from sounding. However, it will only work if the detectors are no longer detecting a fire.)

    Caller: “It hasn’t worked. It’s still saying that there is a fire in the dormitory!”

    Me: “Have you checked the dormitory for fire?”

    Caller: “Stay on the line. I’ll check.”

    (The line goes silent for ten minutes, but I can hear background noise.)

    Caller: “The dormitory is on fire.” *click*

    Gonna Be Hard To Go Back To Memphis

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “…and what state are you from?”

    Caller: “Memphis.”

    Me: “So, the state of Tennessee?”

    Caller: “No, I’m not from Tennessee! I’m from Memphis!”

    Me: “Sir, Memphis is in the state of Tennessee.”

    Caller: “It shouldn’t be!”

    Costs To Put You In The Red

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, this is [company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I am trying to print out a report. I was wondering if you could stop emailing it in color. The color ink is very expensive!”

    Rolling Your ‘R’s Can Be Bizarre

    | Philippines |

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you mean ‘R’ as in ‘Robert’?”

    Customer: “No, no, no. I meant ‘R’ as in ‘Oscarrrrrrr’!”

    Misadventures In Time And Space

    , | MN, USA |

    Me: “[Taxi call center], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness. I need a cab right now!”

    Me: “Alright, we’ll try and work fast as we can for you. What is the address we’re picking you up from?”

    Customer: “1234 Smith Ave.”

    Me: “That address is not showing up in our system. Is there a direction on Smith Ave? North, south, east or west?”

    Customer: “I think it’s 1234 Smith Ave. Or it could be John St.”

    Me: “Alright. If you’re not sure of the address, is there someone there you can ask, please?”

    Customer: “Oh, this is my place.”

    Me: “You don’t know your address? Do you receive mail at your home? Could you look at the address on that for me?”

    Customer: “Hold on. Oh! It’s 1234 North Smith Ave!”

    Me: “Okay, that went into the system just fine. We’ll try and get a cab over to you as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “Oh dear. What time is it?”

    Me: “It’s about 9:15.”

    Customer: “Oh no! In the morning?”

    Me: “No, it’s 9:15pm…at night.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I didn’t miss my appointment. I need a cab for the morning! I’ll call back then! Thank you! Bye!” *click*


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