The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

Driver: “The right lane.”

(The police report indicates differently.)

Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

Makes Perfect (Non)sense

| Missouri, USA | Bizarre

(I work at a mail order pharmacy at the receptionist desk. This call comes into the switchboard.)

Me: “Thank you for calling pharmacy. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I wanna talk to [name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is no one here by that name. Are you a customer of ours?”

Caller: “I need to speak with [different name] because Barack Obama sent some men to try and kill me!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, are you a patient? Do you need medication from us?”

Caller: “No, [different name] stole my rent money and Barack Obama is working with OJ Simpson, who’s in prison, and they are sending some men after me to kill me! Obama apologized to me publicly, but he didn’t mean it! Now he’s trying to send OJ Simpson to kill me!”

Make Benefit Glorious Sunshinestan

| Maine, USA | Geography

(I work for a popular cell phone company in general care. I am answering questions about a woman’s international charges.)

Customer: “I don’t get why you are billing me for international!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, since you do not have an international plan, you get charged per minute for calls internationally.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! Why don’t you charge me for calls to Florida?”

Me: “Florida isn’t international, ma’am. That’s a part of the United States.”

Related:
Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
The Great State Of Confusion
The Great State Of Ignorance

The Sticky Details

| Huntington, WV, USA | Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. This is [name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, [name]. Look, my TV controller won’t work. Can you help me?”

(I try troubleshooting, but nothing I suggest seems to work. After almost 20 minutes, he hangs up, saying he’ll call back. A few hours later…)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can I speak to [my name]? I talked to him a few hours ago.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m sorry. He clocked out half an hour ago.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, when you see him again, tell him I found out why my controller wouldn’t work. I probably should’ve told him I had spilled soda all over it.”

Say My Name, (Don’t) Say My Name

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a call center as a customer service representative for prepaid debit cards, payroll cards and rewards cards.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is Jordan. May I have your card number, please?”

Customer: “Jordan, huh? Like the river?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Well, in that case, I’d love to take a swim in your river, honey.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Please, you don’t have to call me sir. Call me [first name].”

Me: “Alright, [first name].”

Customer: “Oh, I love the way you say my name. Could you say it again?”

Me: “I beg your pardon? Is there anything I can do for you today?”

Customer: “No, Jordan. I’m fine.”

Me: “Okay. Well, thank you for calling [company] and you enjoy your day, sir.”

Customer: “Now, Jordan, what did I say about that?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I meant [first name].”

Customer: “There we go. Thank you, Jordan. Bye bye, now!”

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