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    Trouble’s A Cold Callin’

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Health & Body

    Me: “Hello, this is [name] from [company name]. I’m calling to see if you would be willing to take part in a survey about the recent swine flu outbreak?”
     
    Woman: “This is a Sunday morning. How dare you call me?!”
     
    Me: “I’m very sorry to have bothered you.”
     
    Woman: “Give me your number and we’ll see how you like being called on a Sunday morning.”
     
    Me: “Ma’am, I work on a Sunday morning. You can call, but I won’t be there.”

    Pretty Obvious

    | OR, USA |

    (I work for a wireless service company. I’m taking a look over a customer’s account to determine if he’s eligible for a discount on a new phone.)

    Customer: “You sound really pretty. Way prettier than the last girl I talked to here.”

    Me: “I can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “I’m not saying that to get anything from you, I just think you sound pretty.”

    Me: “I still can’t get you a free phone.”

    Customer: “Well then, you sound equally as pretty as the last girl!”

    How Not To Curry Favor

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

    Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

    Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

    Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

    Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

    Coriander Kimchi

    | CA, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [interpreting company]. What language do you need?”

    Customer: “I need Coriander.”

    Me: “Coriander? Do you mean ‘Korean’?”

    Customer: “No, they said they need Coriander.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any interpreters that speak Coriander. I can provide you with a Korean interpreter, however.”

    Customer: “Okay, but I’m pretty sure they said they needed Coriander…”

    Special Sale: Half Price Gravity

    | N. Mankato, MN, USA |

    (I work in customer service at a call center. We were running a promotion on engraved pens and the caller has decided she wants to buy 5000 pens. She inquires about shipping and upon hearing the price begins drilling me on the weight of the pens (233.33lbs) and the full cost of the order ($1,576.36).)

    Me:“Okay, so shipping looks like it will be about $100.”

    Customer:“Why so much?”

    Me: “Well, as that is a very large number of metal pens. The weight will be about 233.33 pounds.”

    Customer: “But why does it weigh so much?”

    Me: “Because, ma’am, that’s 5000 metal pens.”

    Customer: “But how much does that cost total?”

    Me: “$1,576.36.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll call back tomorrow and see how much it weighs then.”


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