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    Do-It-Yourself Rewards Club

    | California, USA | Books & Reading

    Caller: “I need you to send me a few books.”

    Me: “Sure, which books…”

    (I take the names of about ten products and the shipping address.)

    Me: “Alright, and what kind of credit card will you be using today?”

    Caller: “Credit card? You’re not seriously going to charge me for all this?”

    Me: “Well–”

    Caller: “Look, I spend a lot of money with you people. The least you can do is ship me some free stuff every now and then! Just write it off on your taxes next year!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that–”

    Caller: “Never mind. Cancel the order!”

    Wrote Memorization

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is [name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I need to mail my bill. Can you give me your address?”

    (I slowly and carefully give the entire address. I add appropriate pauses to make sure the caller has enough time to write down the address.)

    Caller: “Okay, once more please.”

    Me: “Oh, did I speak too quickly?”

    Caller: “No, but I guess I should write it down this time.”

    And I Live On Mt. Soh-Cah-Doh-ah

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

    Me: “It’s a continent.”

    Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

    Self-Fulfilling Animosity

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

    Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

    Me: “$22.”

    Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

    Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

    Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

    Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

    Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

    Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

    Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

    Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

    They Don’t Insure Against Dumb

    | Texas, USA |

    (I work in a human resources call center. I’m walking an employee through electing her benefits online. She says she is getting an error message when she tries to save her changes.)

    Caller: “It says, ‘check here to opt out of health insurance or check here to select [insurance provider].’ What should I click?”

    Me: “Well, if you want to opt out of health insurance, click on the top one. If you want [insurance provider], click the bottom one.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand. What’s the difference between the two?”

    Me: “One is health insurance and the other one is no health insurance.”

    Caller: *pause* “Oh.”

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