Intellectual Stimulation: Not Self Perpetuating

| Edinburgh, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a market research call center. I carry out all kinds of surveys on behalf of various organizations. On this particular day, we are calling final year undergraduate university students to ask them for some feedback on their university course. Bear in mind this person has spent the past 3 years studying at university.)

Me: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 being very and 1 not at all, how intellectually stimulating would you say your course was?”

Student: “What does intellectually stimulating mean?”

E Pluribus Dumbum

| Dallas, Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I”m working at a call center that sells products out of a very large catalog that doesn’t change often. We have just moved from Volume III to Volume IV.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you could turn to page 36, in volume four, I would be more than happy to assist you with that product.”

Customer: “I don’t have a volume four. I only have a volume I V.”

Me: “Ma’am…that is volume four. It’s printed in Roman numerals.”

Customer: “Does that mean I have to learn Latin to read this stupid catalog?!”

Been In The Mountains This Whole Time

| Windsor, CO, USA | Geography

(I’m working the overnight shift and a man calls from Oklahoma to order some uniform shirts.)

Me: “It will just take a few minutes for the computer to process your order. It doesn’t always go through, so I would appreciate you staying on the line until I get confirmation.”

Customer: “I’m really glad you’re there to put this order in for me. I need those shirts as soon as possible, but I was worried it would be going to a machine by 10 PM.”

Me: “Yes, there’s always someone in the office. It’s actually 11 PM here.”

Customer: “Oh, so y’all are on the west coast?”

Me: “No, we’re located in Colorado. I think it’s 10 PM on the west coast.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Colorado has the same time as we do here!”

Me: “I believe that Oklahoma is in the Central time zone, sir. Colorado is on Mountain time, which is an hour behind Central.”

Customer: “There’s no such thing as Mountain time!”

Me: “Sir, having lived here all my life, I can assure you that there is. The Mountain time zone covers several states in the U.S.”

Customer: “No! There’s Eastern time, Central time, and Pacific time!”

Me: “Yes, there are all of those, but there’s also Mountain time. The United States covers four time zones. Between your state and Nevada is the Mountain time zone.”

Customer: “You’re not fooling?

Me: “Not fooling. There is definitely a Mountain time zone, and I live in it.”

Customer: “Well, I never heard of Mountain time!”

Me: “Right. Well, all I can tell you is that it’s been that way as long as I can remember, but I’m only 22. Your order is complete, sir. Have a nice night.”

Time For A New Brain

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

Local And Lost

| Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

(A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

Me: “What state are you in?”

Customer: “Oregon.”

Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

Page 65/151First...6364656667...Last