Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something, Part 2

, | Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Top

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a refund on [membership]. I never used it.”

Me: “No problem! Actually, I’m looking at your account here and it looks like you tried to buy it, but at the time, your credit card failed and so you never actually purchased it.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it.”

Me: “I know. It looks like you never bought it in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

Customer: “But I don’t have it and I was never able to use it. So you’re not going to refund me?”

Me: “I can’t–”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me!”

Me: “I can’t refund you because you didn’t buy anything.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Just put the money back on my card!”

Me: “I can’t put money back on your card because we never took any off.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’re refusing to refund me! This is terrible customer service.”

Me: “Sir, you never bought anything. How can I give you back money we never took from you? Where would the money come from?”

Customer: “Just give it to me! Why is this so hard?”

Me: “Okay, can you look at your credit card and tell me the exact date that we charged you? If it turns out that your records are more correct than mine, I’m happy to refund you.”

Customer: “No! I’m not going to do that! Why should I check my credit card statement!?”

Me: “According to our records, you never bought anything. I can’t give you back money that you didn’t spend. If our records are wrong, I can refund you.”

Customer: “I’m not going to check anything! This is the worst customer service experience I have ever had! I can’t believe you’re giving me such a hard time over such a small amount of money!”

Me: “Actually, I’m giving you such a hard time over no money because you never bought anything.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager!”

Related:
Something For Nothing Or Nothing For Something

Intellectual Stimulation: Not Self Perpetuating

| Edinburgh, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a market research call center. I carry out all kinds of surveys on behalf of various organizations. On this particular day, we are calling final year undergraduate university students to ask them for some feedback on their university course. Bear in mind this person has spent the past 3 years studying at university.)

Me: “On a scale of 1-10, 10 being very and 1 not at all, how intellectually stimulating would you say your course was?”

Student: “What does intellectually stimulating mean?”

E Pluribus Dumbum

| Dallas, Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I”m working at a call center that sells products out of a very large catalog that doesn’t change often. We have just moved from Volume III to Volume IV.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you could turn to page 36, in volume four, I would be more than happy to assist you with that product.”

Customer: “I don’t have a volume four. I only have a volume I V.”

Me: “Ma’am…that is volume four. It’s printed in Roman numerals.”

Customer: “Does that mean I have to learn Latin to read this stupid catalog?!”

Been In The Mountains This Whole Time

| Windsor, CO, USA | Geography

(I’m working the overnight shift and a man calls from Oklahoma to order some uniform shirts.)

Me: “It will just take a few minutes for the computer to process your order. It doesn’t always go through, so I would appreciate you staying on the line until I get confirmation.”

Customer: “I’m really glad you’re there to put this order in for me. I need those shirts as soon as possible, but I was worried it would be going to a machine by 10 PM.”

Me: “Yes, there’s always someone in the office. It’s actually 11 PM here.”

Customer: “Oh, so y’all are on the west coast?”

Me: “No, we’re located in Colorado. I think it’s 10 PM on the west coast.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Colorado has the same time as we do here!”

Me: “I believe that Oklahoma is in the Central time zone, sir. Colorado is on Mountain time, which is an hour behind Central.”

Customer: “There’s no such thing as Mountain time!”

Me: “Sir, having lived here all my life, I can assure you that there is. The Mountain time zone covers several states in the U.S.”

Customer: “No! There’s Eastern time, Central time, and Pacific time!”

Me: “Yes, there are all of those, but there’s also Mountain time. The United States covers four time zones. Between your state and Nevada is the Mountain time zone.”

Customer: “You’re not fooling?

Me: “Not fooling. There is definitely a Mountain time zone, and I live in it.”

Customer: “Well, I never heard of Mountain time!”

Me: “Right. Well, all I can tell you is that it’s been that way as long as I can remember, but I’m only 22. Your order is complete, sir. Have a nice night.”

Time For A New Brain

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

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