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    Weekend Roundup: Time Travel

    , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Time Travel! This week, we show it’s only a matter of “time” before you run into customers with no grasp of time—past, present, or future!

    1. Someone’s About To Get Smacked To The Future:
      An unsuspecting wife gets sent out by a husband on a fool’s errand to look for a flux capacitor—in a flying DeLorean, no doubt.
    2. A Tale Of Time Traveling Tune-Ups:
      The customer is always right, even if it means ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.
    3. Doctor Sue:
      Look, man, we all wish your replica TARDIS actually flew through time, but unless you’re a Time Lord with a chameleon circuit, you’re barking up the wrong police box.
    4. Eastern Standard Time Travelers:
      Getting time zones mixed up with time travel? No big deal, although teleporting New York City three hours into the future would be kinda cool.
    5. Please See The “Time Travel” Section:
      This dinosaur-craving bookstore customer has been watching a little bit too much Jurassic Park!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Technical Take Backsies

    , | SK, Canada | Technology

    (I’m a service coordinator for a cellphone provider and I receive a phone call from a customer wanting help setting up his email.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’m into the email setup, but now, it’s asking for an email address and password. What email do I use?”

    Me: “Whichever email you want coming to the phone.”

    Customer: “I want my work email.”

    Me: “Then, enter your work email address and password.”

    Customer: “What is my password?”

    Me: “I don’t know your password, sir. Only you should know that.”

    Customer: “I don’t know it. Where can I get it?”

    Me: “It will be the same password you enter when checking your email at work.”

    Customer: “You mean [password]?”

    Me: “Um, yes, enter that. For future reference, you shouldn’t give out your password to people.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “That is how your email is secured so that others cannot access it. Someone who knows it could log into your email and send false emails or delete your emails on you.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t want that. Give it back!”

    Me: “Give what back?”

    Customer: “My password! I don’t want you logging into my email!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you’re asking, sir. You verbally spoke your password. I cannot give it back.”

    Customer: “Well, this is just great. Now the whole world can access my email!”

    Me: “I assure you, sir, that nothing will happen. We honor customer security and nobody will know your password.”

    Customer: “But you know it.”

    Me: “Yes, because you told me. However, I will not do anything with it. As I said, we honor customer security and all information is confidential. You have nothing to worry about.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Did you manage to finish the setup?”

    Customer: “What setup?”

    Me: “You were setting up your email, did it go through?”

    Customer: “It’s still asking for a password.”

    Me: “Enter the password you said before and click ‘OK’. You should get a prompt saying it was successfully setup.”

    Customer: “You mean [password]?”

    Me: “Yes, enter that.”

    Customer: “Okay, it says it was successful.”

    Me: “You should start getting email now. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “So, can you keep my password in case I need it again?”

    E.T. No Phone Home

    | Australia | Technology

    (I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

    Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

    Sacred Sushi Time

    | Logan, UT, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, I am with [car company] calling about your recent service visit.”

    Woman: “Why the h*** are you calling me?! It’s sushi time!”

    (At that point, her husband takes the phone away from her.)

    Husband: “Sorry, my wife is just insensitive sometimes.” *to his wife* “Honey, just shut up!” *back to me* “Geez, you called during sushi time.”

    Me: “Uh, well, I just have a survey about your service visit.”

    Husband: “I’d love to do it, but I’m eating. It’s sushi time.”

    Me: “Should I call back, or would you rather just have me remove you from the list?”

    Husband: “It’s sushi time.”

    Me: “I’ll just remove you.”

    Husband: *hangs up*

    Thank You, Please Call Again

    | Deschutes, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

    Caller: “Why don’t you have your phone number listed on your site? I hunted all over the place for it. I finally had to call information to get the number!”

    Me: “With all due respect sir, we do have the number on the site.”

    Caller: “You do not! And I still have the page up on the screen on my computer. I can prove it!”

    Me: “You do? Sir, could you please do me a favor and go look at our page on the screen?”

    Caller: “Well, fine, but I don’t see where that’s going to help any!”

    Me: “Sir, please…if anything, just humor me. Please go look at our page on your computer.”

    Caller: “Well, okay. I am here now. What did you want to show me?!”

    Me: “Look at the beginning of the page. It’s in great big bold letters, right about eye level. Please tell me, what does it say?”

    Caller: “It says, ‘To Contact Us, Please Call 877-77…”

    *pause*

    Caller: *hangs up*

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