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Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

(I take calls about various do-it-yourself products for lawn and garden and insect control.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your product is defective!”

Me: “Okay, what product?”

Customer: “[Brand name] weed and grass killer!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “It killed my grass!”

Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

Me: “You’re right. However, grass covers all grass types.”

Customer: “Well, it should say on the label it kills good grass.”

Me: “Actually, it does on the back. It lists all the grasses it kills, and your grass is listed.”

Customer: “Well, it should tell you to read the label before use!”

Me: “Actually, it does. See that stop sign on the back?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “And right after, it says read entire label before use.”

Customer: “Well, it should say it on the front so I can see it!”

Me: “I’ll put your request into corporate…”

Related:
Customer: Impossible
Customer: Impossible, Part 2

Good Luck Getting A Word In Equal-wise

| Norway | Spouses & Partners

(I work for a power company. When we call up a customer, we only get the name of the person the bills are sent to, and it’s not unusual for us to speak with his or her spouse instead. This was apparently the case here. It should be noted that I am female.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [my name] from [power company]. Is [husband’s name] available?”

Customer: “Let me tell you, in this house, we are equal! I want nothing of that around here!”

Me: “I am very sorry if you took offence, ma’am, but I only saw your husband’s name on my screen—”

Customer: “Well, we are equal! If you’re going to come here with that kind of thing, I want nothing more to do with you!”

Me: “Yes, I do apologise, but—”

Customer: “If that is how you people treat us, you can forget about us being customers! In this house, we’re equal!”

Me: “I am very sorry, and I apologize for any inconvenience!”

Customer: *hangs up*

Don’t Call About Not Calling

| Scotland, UK | Bizarre

(I am manning the phone line on a particularly busy night.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I got this letter from you which says I don’t need to contact you again unless I have any questions.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The pause goes on for an uncomfortably long time while I wait for the customer to continue. Eventually, I crack.)

Me: “Was there anything you’d like to go over?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay.”

(Another uncomfortably long silence.)

Me: “Then, thanks very much for calling.”

Customer: “No problem. Bye!” *hangs up*

Getting Your Fax Straight

, | South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I was in an accident last week and the other guy was at fault. His insurance company has totaled my car out and wants my original title. Can you fax it for me?”

(I think I misheard them, since they won’t receive the original title if I fax it. So, I ask them to clarify.)

Me: “So, they need a copy of it and you need me to fax it?”

Customer: “No, fax the original. That’s what they need.”

Me: “Sorry, but faxing will not result in you having the original.”

Customer: “No, just fax it. They need the original.”

(I try several times more to explain that they won’t get an original through fax, without success. Finally, the customer gives up.)

Customer: “I don’t see what you don’t understand! All you need to do is fax it and they’ll get the original!” *leaves the office grumbling*

At Lease Be Courteous

| USA | Money

(I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

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