Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Your Connection Is Totally Forked
    (1,958 thumbs up)
  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
    Submit your story today!

    A Welsh Of Knowledge

    | Wales, UK |

    (I work in a call center that only calls the local area.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, I’m just calling about–”

    Customer: “What country are you calling from?”

    Me: “Me? Wales, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that. All of you people are based in India or something.”

    Me: “I assure you, we’re not, sir. I’m not Indian; I’m based in Wales.”

    Customer: “Sure you are! You companies are all the same.” *in Welsh* “I bet we don’t even speak the same language.”

    Me: *in Welsh* “Sir, I’m not Indian. I’m in an office probably no more than ten minutes from you right now.”

    Customer: “You know, for an Indian, you have excellent pronunciation.”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3

    | Canada | Canada

    (I’m working the customer service line and have just finished explaining our services to a caller.)

    Caller: “Well, that sounds great! You seem like a good, honest American business.”

    Me: “Canadian, actually.”

    Caller: “No such thing!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, come again?”

    Caller: “There’s no such thing as ‘Canadian’; you’re either American or one of those foreign people.”

    Me: “Um, I’ll…put you through to sales then.”

    Caller: “Thank you!”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    Pray The Gay To Stay

    | Melbourne, Australia | Family & Kids, Top

    (We run a number of programs to help parents of children with special needs, so they can access services. We occasionally also give out parenting advice.)

    Caller: “Can you tell me what makes someone gay?”

    Me: “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

    Caller: “Gay. What makes someone gay?”

    Me: “Ma’am, if your child is gay, nothing ‘made’ them gay. And being gay is certainly not a disability.”

    Caller: “Of course it’s not a disability! What kind of disgusting person thinks being gay is a disability?”

    Me: “Then why do you want to know what makes someone gay?”

    Caller: “I want to make my son gay. I would love to have a gay child. I’m very open minded!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can’t make someone gay. If your son is straight, you can’t change that.”

    Caller: “Well, I see on the news all the time about how single parent families have gay kids. I am a single mother, but I still don’t think he’s gay.”

    Me: “Um–”

    Caller: “Should I show him pictures of gay men having sex?”

    Me: *stunned* “Um…I doubt that’s a good idea. You would just confuse him, and possibly scare him. Can I ask how old your son is?”

    Caller: “He’s three. I want him to be gay before he goes to school. So if gay porn would scare him, should I show him straight porn? I really really want a gay son.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you cannot show a 3 year old porn of any kind! You can’t control your son’s sexuality!”

    Caller: “You don’t understand. I’m very open minded! You must just be homophobic.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m gay!”

    Caller: “Then why won’t you help me? Don’t you want my son to be gay? He’d be such a good gay man!”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Religion

    (I work in a call center that distributes supplies to missions all over the world. We get called at least three times a week, sometimes more, by a woman who likes to order supplies for her mission one or two items at a time. Also, all missionaries carry a ministerial card, certifying them as authorized representatives of our church.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve entered that order for you. Is there anything else you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a menstrual certificate.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate!”

    Me: “A what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate! One of our elders has lost his menstrual certificate, and he needs a new one!”

    Me: “Um, I think you should call the missionary department about that one.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    An Electrifying Confection

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Technology

    (This happens while I’m setting up a new prepaid phone with a cute little lady.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Go ahead and press the phone’s power button and let me know when it has powered up.”

    Customer: “The power? What is power?”

    Me: “It’s the button you normally hang calls up with. Looks like a little red telephone.”

    Customer: “Ah, I see!”

    (A few minutes pass in silence.)

    Me: “Ma’am, are you having trouble turning the phone on?”

    Customer: “Yes. It doesn’t work. There’s no light.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Check and make sure the battery is pushed in all the way on the back.”

    Customer: “Battery? What battery?”

    Me: “It came with the phone, in the package. It’s small, black, and has 3 little metal contacts on one end. You need to put it inside the back part of your phone.”

    Customer: “I don’t see a battery. There isn’t one in the phone, and there isn’t one in the package, either.”

    Me: “You don’t see it? It should have been packaged in a separate little baggie–”

    Customer: “OH! That! That’s in my candy dish!”

    Me: “Your candy dish?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I saw it on table and thought it was a piece of chocolate!”

    Page 61/142First...5960616263...Last