Indecent Disbursal

, | Georgia, USA | Language & Words

(I am a supervisor for a cell phone support center. I am plugging into my representative’s desk to grade one of their calls when I hear the following exchange.)

Customer: “So, put me on that plan then.”

Rep: “All right. I just need to go over some legal info with you.”

Customer: “Are you going to procreate me?”

Rep: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, procreate me and I get some money back.”

(The rep is clearly confused, so I chime in.)

Me: “I think she means ‘prorate.'”

Rep: “Oh! Did you mean ‘prorate?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Procreate and get money back!”

Rep: “Yes. We can…prorate…your account.”

Notice Of Stupidity

| Lincoln, Nebraska, USA | Money

(I work in a call center for default management prevention for student loans.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, you guys keep saying I’m overdue, but I’ve been making payments. I don’t understand why it keeps saying I’m past due. I’ve made payments every month. Do you see the one I made last week? This better not have hit my credit!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I see the payment was made.”

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “Your payments regular monthly payments are set $150.00. You’ve only been paying $100.00 each month.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know my payments had gone up?! I didn’t get a notice!”

Me: “Are you getting statements every month?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you reading your statements?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Customer: “I’d like to make my payment now, please.”

Introducing The iMoney

, | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Technology

(I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

Customer: “Yes, it will!”

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 3

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I work for a credit card company.)

Customer: “Nobody ever said anything about late fees, but I have one on my statement! How dare you charge me a late fee? Nobody told me there would be a fee if my payment didn’t get there on time!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, late fees are discussed in your cardmember agreement that came with your card.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! Nobody actually reads those!”

Related:
Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, part 2
Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

We Need To Know How Long Your Word Is Good For

| Glen Burnie, MD, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a call center where people can pay off speeding tickets over the phone with their credit card.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, can I have the expiration date?”

Caller: “Of what? Me?!”

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