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    Time For A New Brain

    , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a cable company in a call center. This is the end of a conversation I have with a customer.)

    Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

    Caller: “Oh, yes! I do have a question. There are these numbers on my cable box that keep changing. What are they? Like, right now, it says 5-4-7.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the time.”

    Local And Lost

    | Corpus Christi, TX, USA | Geography

    (A customer has just moved from Hawaii to Oregon not too long ago, and needs a number to a different department who had different business hours.)

    Me: “They are open 7 AM to 10 PM, your local time.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *pause* “Does that mean my local time in Hawaii or my local time in Oregon?”

    Me: “What state are you in?”

    Customer: “Oregon.”

    Me: “Okay, then that means your local time is Oregon time.”

    Customer: *pause* “But I used to live in Hawaii. Shouldn’t that be my local time?”

    Me: “Um, but you live in Oregon now, which makes that your local time. You’re not in Hawaii anymore.”

    Customer: *unconvinced* “Okay, bye.”

    The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

    , | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

    Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

    Driver: “The right lane.”

    (The police report indicates differently.)

    Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

    Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

    Makes Perfect (Non)sense

    | Missouri, USA | Bizarre

    (I work at a mail order pharmacy at the receptionist desk. This call comes into the switchboard.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling pharmacy. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “I wanna talk to [name].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no one here by that name. Are you a customer of ours?”

    Caller: “I need to speak with [different name] because Barack Obama sent some men to try and kill me!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, are you a patient? Do you need medication from us?”

    Caller: “No, [different name] stole my rent money and Barack Obama is working with OJ Simpson, who’s in prison, and they are sending some men after me to kill me! Obama apologized to me publicly, but he didn’t mean it! Now he’s trying to send OJ Simpson to kill me!”

    Make Benefit Glorious Sunshinestan

    | Maine, USA | Geography

    (I work for a popular cell phone company in general care. I am answering questions about a woman’s international charges.)

    Customer: “I don’t get why you are billing me for international!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, since you do not have an international plan, you get charged per minute for calls internationally.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! Why don’t you charge me for calls to Florida?”

    Me: “Florida isn’t international, ma’am. That’s a part of the United States.”

    Related:
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

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