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    Attack Of The Third Dimensional Dimwits

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

    (I am explaining to a customer how to program his pre-paid phone.)

    Me: “Alright, the sequence you need to press is Pound(#)-8678423 to program your phone.”

    Caller: “What?”

    Me: “Press Pound-8678423 on the phone’s number pad.”

    Caller: “I don’t see anything that says ‘Pound’.”

    Me: “The Pound key looks like a tic-tac-toe. It’s the button right under the 9 key.”

    Caller: “You mean I have to take apart my phone, pull off the numbers, and press this ‘Pound’ key to get the thing working?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, don’t take the phone apart. The Pound key is below the 9 and to the right of the zero.”

    Caller: “But I’m telling you, I can’t get to that key if it’s under the 9! I have to take the 9 off to see it!”

    Do Not Pay Debts, Go Directly To Jail

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite TV company]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’ve bought some used equipment. I need to turn it on.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Could I have the serial number?”

    (The serial number brings up an account in collections for over $800.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot activate your equipment until the previous owner closes his account. Can you contact him?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Caller: “He’s in jail in Mexico.”

    Bleeding For A Cause

    , | Evans, GA, USA |

    (I call people to request for them to come in and donate blood.)

    Me: “Hello! This is [name] with the blood center.”

    Male customer: “Oh, is it that time of the month again?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Male customer: “I just realized what I said.”

    Friends In Unusual Places

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

    Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

    Customer: “So, who did then?”

    Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

    Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

    (The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

    Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

    Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

    Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

    Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

    (After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

    Expired Pass And Expired Logic

    , | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I work in a call center for a travel company that sells attraction passes. We often get calls from customers that buy the products without actually reading the website, so they have no idea how the products work.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Excuse me, I am trying to get into [attraction] and they are not letting me in. Tell them that I have your card so I can get in.”

    (I get her card information so I can check the activity on her card.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it seems that your card expired yesterday. You only purchased a three day pass and all three days have been used.”

    Customer: “I know that. Get me into [attraction]!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. If your pass has already expired, you cannot use it.”

    Customer: “So you’re telling me that if I used all three days on my pass, I can’t go to the attractions anymore?”

    Me: “That is correct. If you bought a three day pass and you used all three days, you will not be able to use the pass to get into any attractions.”

    Customer: “Well, nobody told me that! I want a refund for not being able to get into [attraction] today!”

    (This call goes on for 20 more minutes. Needless to say, she did not receive a refund.)

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