Yes, Master

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

Me: “I would be happy to process that payment for you today. First, could I have the name exactly how it appears on the card?”

Customer: “Master Card.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I am looking for the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “Capital One.”

Me: “No, not that one; the human’s name that is on the card.”

Customer: “I already told you, it’s Master Card!”

Weekend Roundup: Prank You Very Much

, , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

Prank You Very Much! Happy April Fools’ Day, readers! This week, we share five stories that show the foolish hazards of pulling a fast one!

  1. Impractical Jokes:
    Guys, take note: a fake stabbing to freak out your wife might result in a real stabbing—by your wife!
  2. Bohemian Nobody:
    Customer, oo-oo-oo-ooh // Didn’t mean to make you cry // If you’re not back again this time tomorrow // Go away, go away // Your pranks don’t really matter…
  3. Prankin’ Like It’s 1929:
    This elderly caller’s prank is probably older than your grandparents, but he proves laughter IS the best medicine—especially when it’s at your expense!
  4. Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2:
    A caller learns the hard way that if you’re gonna prank an employee, at least be original!
  5. Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat:
    Note to prank callers: your cat is NOT a get-out-of-jail-free card!

PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

Indecent Disbursal

, | Georgia, USA | Language & Words

(I am a supervisor for a cell phone support center. I am plugging into my representative’s desk to grade one of their calls when I hear the following exchange.)

Customer: “So, put me on that plan then.”

Rep: “All right. I just need to go over some legal info with you.”

Customer: “Are you going to procreate me?”

Rep: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, procreate me and I get some money back.”

(The rep is clearly confused, so I chime in.)

Me: “I think she means ‘prorate.'”

Rep: “Oh! Did you mean ‘prorate?'”

Customer: “Yeah! Procreate and get money back!”

Rep: “Yes. We can…prorate…your account.”

Notice Of Stupidity

| Lincoln, Nebraska, USA | Money

(I work in a call center for default management prevention for student loans.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, you guys keep saying I’m overdue, but I’ve been making payments. I don’t understand why it keeps saying I’m past due. I’ve made payments every month. Do you see the one I made last week? This better not have hit my credit!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I see the payment was made.”

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “Your payments regular monthly payments are set $150.00. You’ve only been paying $100.00 each month.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know my payments had gone up?! I didn’t get a notice!”

Me: “Are you getting statements every month?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you reading your statements?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Customer: “I’d like to make my payment now, please.”

Introducing The iMoney

, | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Technology

(I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

Customer: “Yes, it will!”

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