Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Company] customer service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound different. Where are you from?”

Me: “Canada. Is there something I can help you with?”

Caller: “Canada? How big is the igloo you work in?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t live in igloos. In fact, it’s about 40˚ here at the moment.”

Caller: “40˚ is freezing!”

Me: “40˚ Celsius. That’s 104˚ Fahrenheit.”

Caller: “Oh my god, how do you keep your igloos from melting?!”

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Yukon See It On A Map

Me: “Thanks for calling [executive car company]. How can I help you?”

Caller:“I need to make a reservation.”

Me: “Sure where is the pick up?”

Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the hotel five!”

Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a roman numeral.”

Caller: “Yeah, V must mean 5 in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

(I verify his email address.)

Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

(I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

Caller: “2 years old.”

Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

Caller: “But we need money.”

Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

Me: “Thank you for calling. May I have your first and last name please?”

Caller: “Yes this is [name] from [wireless store] and I need help with switching a customer’s phone.”

Me: “I can certainly assist you with changing the phone. May I have the serial number for the new phone?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s A as in Alpha, E as in Edward, and C…as in Cullen.” *awkward pause* “Don’t judge me!”