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    Wrote Memorization

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is [name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I need to mail my bill. Can you give me your address?”

    (I slowly and carefully give the entire address. I add appropriate pauses to make sure the caller has enough time to write down the address.)

    Caller: “Okay, once more please.”

    Me: “Oh, did I speak too quickly?”

    Caller: “No, but I guess I should write it down this time.”

    And I Live On Mt. Soh-Cah-Doh-ah

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Hello, thanks for calling [store], my name is Asia. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Asia! Like the country?”

    Me: “It’s a continent.”

    Customer: “Oh! I never was that good at geometry!”

    Self-Fulfilling Animosity

    , | Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout

    (The store I work at does engravings on items people bring in. A woman comes in with a bag of name tags.)

    Customer: “How much would it be to get two of these engraved?”

    Me: “$22.”

    Customer: “What? Thats ridiculous! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here last week!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you don’t agree with the price. It’s not something I can change.”

    Customer: “Ugh! That’s just way too expensive! I’m never shopping here again after this! I just bought a bunch of wedding stuff here a few weeks ago!”

    Me: “How did your wedding order turn out?”

    Customer: “It was great. I loved it.”

    Me: “Good. So, are these name tags for your company?”

    Customer: “Yes, we have a customer service event on Thursday.”

    Me: “So your company is paying for the engraving, not you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Then why are you so upset?”

    Customer: *blank look* “It’s Monday…”

    They Don’t Insure Against Dumb

    | Texas, USA |

    (I work in a human resources call center. I’m walking an employee through electing her benefits online. She says she is getting an error message when she tries to save her changes.)

    Caller: “It says, ‘check here to opt out of health insurance or check here to select [insurance provider].’ What should I click?”

    Me: “Well, if you want to opt out of health insurance, click on the top one. If you want [insurance provider], click the bottom one.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand. What’s the difference between the two?”

    Me: “One is health insurance and the other one is no health insurance.”

    Caller: *pause* “Oh.”

    Shooting The Message-less Messenger

    | Montreal, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, you’ve reached Jen at [company].”

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi.”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “Jen.”

    Customer: “Jen?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

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