Size Matters, Part 8

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(A parent is asking about a supplemental document she needs to upload for her financial aid application. She’s having a little trouble.)

Parent: “It says here that the file needs to be under 4 megabytes, but the file I need to upload is 4.49 megabytes. So, is 4.49 bigger than 4?”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Qurious Qucumbers

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Language & Words

Me: “Okay, great. Your confirmation number is A like ‘Apple’, Z like ‘Zebra’, Q like—”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Q like ‘Cucumber’?”

Me: “Sure. Q like Cucumber it is.”

Talladega Springs To Mind

, | USA | Geography

Customer: “Do I have signal where I live?”

Me: “I would be happy to check for you. What is your city and state?”

Customer: “I live in Alamb-ma.”

Me: “What is the zip code where you live in Alabama?”

Customer: *gives me a zip code*

Me: “That zip code is a Georgia location. You wanted coverage for Alabama, correct?”

Customer: “Yes, but I don’t know the zip code, so I made one up.”

Me: “That’s fine. Let’s try searching by city name instead.”

Customer: “It begins with T-A-L-L…but…I don’t know the letters after that.”

Me: “Why don’t I just pull up the map for the entire state for you…”

The Notified And The (Not)ified, Part 2

, | Northwest England, UK | Technology

(I work for a broadband provider that has a package for 10GB in usage. This is normally for those who use the internet very little. If you hit 7GB, we will send you an e-mail to let you know. If you go over the 10GB, we will e-mail you and advise you to move up in packages to avoid being charged for going over.)

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [name] at [ISP]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *angrily* “You’d better help! I’ve just seen one of my bills and it says you are charging me for going over my broadband usage.”

Me: “Okay, sir, sorry to hear about that. Let me just have a look into this…”

(I check his broadband usage and he has used about 70GB. He has an average usage of 60GB for the last 12 months.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I can see that there has been a lot of high usage for the last year. If you move to an unlimited pack, you wont be charged for going over this month.”

Customer: “The last year? I better not have been charged for that.”

Me: “I’m afraid you have been, sir. We have sent you many e-mails to let you know when you got near and went over the usage.”

(He has been sent so many e-mails, the first 20 are not even shown on the list.)

Customer: “Bull***t! I check my e-mails 10 times a day and not once have you ever e-mailed me!”

Me: “Sir, we have sent the e-mails to [e-mail address].”

Customer: “I don’t use that e-mail address anymore, so of course I didn’t get them!”

Me: “Did you ever update your e-mail with us so we can send them to the correct e-mail?”

Customer: “No, but you should have checked if I have opened them or not. You should have let me know that I was near my usage limit in the post!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but [ISP] wouldn’t know you have swapped your e-mail unless you inform us. In regard to letting you know by post, it takes 5 working days for a letter to be sent out, sir. In that time, you would have gone over the 10GB and still would have been charged. Also, you are on monthly paper billing, so we have actually informed you via post every month on your bill.”

Customer: *very angrily* “Well, I don’t open my bills! Just by chance, my wife opened this one and showed me these charges!”

Me: “I sorry, sir, but like your e-mails, we don’t know if you have been opening your mail or not. So, we have informed you via post and e-mail but you have not opened either. What else would you have us do?”

Customer: “Well! Have you ever thought about telling me over the phone?”

Me: “I am doing that now, sir—”

Customer: “Well, it ain’t good enough!” *hangs up*

Related:
The Notified And The (Not)ified

Zombies Need Debt Too

| Illinois, USA | Money, Zombies

(I work in customer service for a chain store credit card. I get a call from a manager, calling on behalf of a customer.)

Manager: “Hi, one of our customers just applied for a store card and she’d like to use it today. Can you look that up for me?”

(After pulling up the application, I see that the name on the application doesn’t match the customer’s name. However, for security reasons, I’m not allowed to come right out and say that.)

Me: “I’m afraid that application was declined due to some of the information not matching. Usually this means a typo somewhere. Could you have your customer try again, please?”

Manager: “Okay, she just tried it again. Did it go through this time?”

Me: “No, it’s still saying that the information isn’t matching. Um, you keep saying ‘she’, but on the application, it says ‘Mr.’. Is she applying jointly with someone?”

Manager: “I’ll ask.” *pause* “Okay, she says everything she does is in her late husband’s name, so that’s the social security number she’s using.”

Me: “Thank you. I’m not sure how her temperament is, so we’re going to have to be delicate about this. Could you very tactfully let her know that [store name] does not issue credit to dead people?”

Manager: *laughs* “Will do. Thank you!”

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